Sunday, March 9, 2008

Some hope

Today I have some hope. After yesterday's clot bust, (sorry way tmi), the bleeding is barely there. I am so excited about that. It means that this is finally over with and we have hope to try again. Which we want to do right away. 1) we wanted another child and the sooner the better. Sara will be three in June and we don't want them far apart like how Sara and Kirsten are now. 2) my referrals are still good and I do not wish to go through hell witch to get them again. I will be talking to my dr about that situation on Friday 3) dang it, I am supposed to be pregnant.

Last night I took an OPK for the fun of it. Ok, call me a poas addict. I should have a big freaking yellow sign that states POAS addict. It wasn't as dark as the other line but made me think. OMG, it could be. Then I thought HOW, with all this bleeding. That was till the clot passed and I went to nothing. I am so not complaining though, let me tell ya. I am glad to get that part over with. Anyway, with Peyton, I had the same opk. Dark but not as dark as the test line. We dtd and Peyton was concieved. Today I SWEAR I feel ovulation. It is not a far fetched idea. It is very possible. So dh and I decided to go ahead and dtd tonight just in case. You never know. I took another OPK today and zip. So maybe I happened to catch a surge. I don't know, but I feel I have to try. I will test with a pregnancy test in 14 days. My ob will have a heart attack if I call him and say guess what if it is true in 14 days.

The girls on the loss boards say it is impossible after miscarriage to track and your hormones are all over the place. They also say you can not trust opks. I KNOW me and I know my body. Seeing I have ovulation and periods from hell. Well that is why I am thinking I possibly could be ovulating. So it's worth that shot in the dark. I don't know it would be nice to feel close again. :) The girls on the loss boards say they just dtd every other day after bleeding stops and bam they get pregnant. Who knows who is telling the truth, but at least I would have some hope.

Hope is what I need to move forward. I need the physical crap over with and be able to hope that a miracle occurs. I pray that God gives us a healthy child and one that will stick this time. I pray that it will be an easy pregnancy. I pray that I have all the signs with the puking and everything. Just remind me that I asked to have the sign of puking. Course I had that with Peyton and Peyton was still taken away from us. I pray that the first 14 weeks go quickly. I feel sad that I won't have that naive innoncence that everything will be ok. I just hope that lightening will not strike us twice. I wonder if we are doing this too soon. Due to the endo, I feel we can't wait. Just a lot running through our minds right now. Dang, I feel like I am ovulating. It is very familiar and I am one of those women that get pain from it. So I am mystified. I am going to go with it and trust that everything will be ok. Hey I have been getting negative tests the last few days, so NO WAY can my dr's office claim it is leftover.

Didn't do much today. The time change has me totally thrown off. I want my hour back. I love getting the extra hour, but now I want it back. Sara was up at 430am. Which really meant 330am. I was sooooo tired. I tried to take a nap, but the girls were fighting all afternoon. Please tell me what a 9 year old and an almost 3 year old can have in common to fight about??? I don't understand. I don't feel like getting into the grind at work. It is so hard cause all I think about is getting pregnant. I think now, then what. What happens when we get that positive test. I don't know pray like crazy everything will be ok.

Keeping my fingers crossed!!! I don't think it will work but who knows. Maybe god will be looking out for us. Just no twins, triplets, or multiples. One is more than enough for us!

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