Wednesday, March 19, 2008

10 dpo

Still a BFN. I keep willing a line to show up. Guess my willing it hasn't been enough. I keep imagining a very very faint line there. That's probably my wishful thinking. The test is when DH can see that second line. This morning I was gagging on the way to work a couple of times and have a strange taste in my mouth. As TMI as this is, I had too much saliva which is driving me crazy. Feels vaguely familiar. I was starving this morning too. So I stopped by McDonalds. Bad mistake now that I think about it. I ordered a deluxe breakfast. I am rethinking how I should NOT have eaten the sausage. I also ordered a sweet iced tea. I LOVE sweet iced tea. I threw it out. Not because there was something wrong with it because there wasn't. It was because it was not settling right with me. Still all the same symptoms. My endo is not bugging me yet and it usually is. I am beyond tired. I want to curl up and take a nap. I may do that during lunch. I slept like a rock last night once I finally fell asleep.

The absolute best part is the spotting has STOPPED for now. I am very relieved. I am hoping what I saw as a slight increase this week was implantation bleeding. I am hoping it stopped because of pregnancy and sealing up the ole uterus with a plug. I just pray it doesn't start again.

I should have ordered those tests I ordered last time. They picked up at 10mu. The early ones I have pick up at 20mu. The dollar tree ones pick up at 25mu. My digital ones should be here Thursday or Friday. Very excited about those as I was too cheap to buy them last time. I think I may take a picture of the positive one so I have it if it happens.

I was thinking on my way to work this morning that it would be good signs on this one if I am. Date of ovulation was when my cousin died 18 years ago. It was pretty tragic. We were the same age and only a month apart. My world was ripped apart when he died. I still don't understand why he did what he did (he commited suicide at 15). I still get mad at him because he could have overcome his problems if we had only known he needed help. I look at everything I have and know he will never have that. For me, he will forever be 15. While I have gone and grown up. That makes me sad. So I hope in a way maybe he would send me a little gift. Easter is this weekend. New awakenings and beginnings as is spring. The snow is melting and that makes me sad. I wanted to be pregnant before the snow melted. Here's hoping. So much to look forward to.

My boss wants me to sign us up for a conference in July. I said well I'll save the space, but you can count me out. I intend to be preggo by then. She says she knows and just wants the spots reserved just in case. If I wasn't trying to get preggers, I would go. A week's vacation away from work in the nice city of Denver. I have never been to Denver. Why can't our conferences be at the beach or Disney???

So on to tomorrow's test. It ain't over till the old hag shows up.

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