No motivation

I have absolutely no motivation at work right now. All I think about is when can I get pregnant again and what time is it and when will I go home. I hate that. I do say that when I work from home, I work much better. I have time scheduled on Friday afternoon and Saturday to do some work because I am so far behind. It was the worst time to go out for a week and a half.

Today was a sad day. I just can't shake it. I am fairly certain I ovulated on Sunday afternoon. I am also just as fairly certain we didn't catch the egg. I am still spotting and I want it to GOOOOO AWAYYYYYYY. I wonder if you can get pregnant while still spotting. Internet searches turn up as yes.

Tomorrow is coworker's going away lunch. I don't want to go but have to Not looking forward to that.

Kirsten has to get an xray today. This will be my first time back in the hospital since I was there last. I will have to go through the same front doors. That sucks. I will be answering I don't know if they ask me if I am pregnant, so Kirsten will be getting the xray on her own. It's just an abdominal one, nothing bad. The hospital is also right across the street from my ob's office, so I'll be seeing that again.

I think I may have a uterine infection, but I am not sure. Since yesterday I have noticed a "smell". Ok way too much information. I'm not sure about pain, nothing bad, a few aches here and there. According to three of my drs (pcp, ortho, and endo specialist), I have a high tolerance of pain. Which explains why I didn't get into the dr on time when I had a kidney infection. I will be mentioning this on Friday when I see my ob. I hope he doesn't want to smell it. Do they do that? That's gross. I am hoping to not be put through an exam, but everywhere I read you are at this type of appt. I have had some stomach and back pain since yesterday. However, compared to last week, these are NOTHING. So I don't know what to think. I don't think the 7 days of antibiotics were enough. When I had a uterine infection after Sara, I was on massive antibiotics. Iv, and then 2 weeks of 2 different kinds. Besides my dr is off today. I'll have to check my temp tonight and tomorrow. Oh yeah and there is a mucousy discharge to go with the spotting, lots of it. It has just been a real treat dealing with this.

All I think about is when. When will we get a precious baby again. This sucks. I was totally enjoying pregnancy for the first time. I had just the right amount of sickness. Got through the first trimester and no heartbeat. There are worse things. I could have infertility problems. I could have delivered a stillborn baby. Could have had a baby with massive defects. I did an internet search of pregnancy after a d&c. There were tons of women that were pregnant within 2-3 weeks. I am like why can't that be me??? Mine always takes forever to recover.

I still want to go home and pull the covers over my head.