Friday, June 29, 2007

4 more months till ttc

OMG what in the hell am I thinking about with ttc in FOUR MONTHS. In four months I can be pregnant again. OMG OMG OMG. Ok done with the little freak out session. But I can't believe how long I have waited to ttc again and in 4 months I will be. Then a whole new set of worries and stress will emerge. OMG OMG OMG.

Deep breath. It will be ok. You will be ok.

Preop Appt

Well I had my preop appt yesterday. It went surprisingly well. I had a zillion questions because I have been through this before. I wanted to make sure THOSE concerns were addressed. Last time I was concerned about procedural stuff - you know what he would do, how it would be done, etc. This time I was concerned with vomiting from anesthesia, infection, catheters. My dr took his time and answered all of them. It was a very comfortable conversation, which surprised me. I guess if you have had this before, you know the drill right. So this is what I asked:

I asked about antibiotics prophylatically because I tend to get uterine infections (had it after Kirsten, Sara, and the last lap). He absolutely agreed. In fact, he is going to have them start an iv on me before surgery (well I was going to have that anyway), but he said he would give me a really good strong antibiotic by iv. Yeah doc!!! Most docs are like ooohhh no we can't do that but because of my history, he had no problems with doing it. He said it would stay in my system for up to 10 hours after the surgery and kill anything that gets in there.

Nausea and vomiting. He assured me this time that he will make sure that I am given everything they can. The last time the nurse said I had all I could (Reglan, Zofran) and that was it. I spent the next two days puking. My dr said if he had known that I would have had to stay. So he said he will order some steroids by iv to help with that. Something about that has shown to help. I asked if I would have to stay if I threw up. He said if I was actively throwing up, he would not let me leave and I would have to stay. However if I was just nauseated, then he would see how I was doing and make a decision then. Please no nausea or vomiting vibes please. I don't wanna stay over on the 4th of July!!!!!!!

No catheter if I pee as much as I can beforehand.

Biopsying the adhesions won't show anything. He won't be able to tell if it was a cyst that burst in May either because it's too late. He said with cysts, you have to get it the day it happens or the day after. Otherwise it doesn't show up at all. The only thing it is going to show is the scar tissue (adhesions) and he would just take it down again.

I can eat and drink lightly up till 5am. He won't move my surgery up so that I can have something to eat. I am the first case. There is a 2pm case as well. I feel bad for the 2pm person. I thought 1pm was bad. But he has appts in the morning. So I guess Tuesday afternoons are his overflow day.I can keep taking motrin and can even take it the day of surgery as long as I take it by 5am.

Bleeding, it depends on where you are in your cycle. it is not all that unusual to bleed for a month after surgery. I bled for 5 weeks the last time. However he was very surprised that I had no bleeding with my knee surgery. I said yeah I was surprised too. But no a drop from there. My knee was another story. Maybe that's where all my blood went and there wasn't enough for the other areas. He does want me to continue the loestrin continuously. It would cause me much bigger problems if it were stopped.

Think that was enough questions for him. I forgot to ask him if he was going to check and see if my tubes are clear. But he will visit before I go down to the OR for last minute questions. I'll ask then. I also forgot to tell him that dh won't understand a word he says. He just wants to know if I am ok. My dh is not being very good with this because this is interfering with his sister's wedding (4 days after surgery and yes I intend to go. I can't miss my girls being flower girls!!!). I have to get it done now or else wait a couple of months (like October) because dh is going out of town for work for 5 weeks.

Please pray that he finds what is wrong. I am fairly certain it is adhesions again. Some days I am ok but need motrin. Other days like this week it has been bad and has required lortab. Thank god for it. At least this time I have been kept more comfortable by my pcp. She has been more helpful with pain relief. Since she gives me no problems with prescribing it, I asked her to replace the rx that my dh lost that I had not filled yet. No only did she replace it, she gave me enough till surgery day and to for post op. God Bless her. My ob knows that I have a Lortab rx and is ok with it. But his nurse can be a witch and treats you like a druggie. I only use it when it is really really bad and motrin is not working. So keep me in your prayers. I am so hoping that this works. I am trying to cool off my anxiety about this. The surgery doesn't bother me. The pain from the surgery and incisions don't bother me. BUT the thought of when I actually wake up from the surgery is the worst. I hate waking up not knowing the time, or feeling nauseated. Pray that I get a good compassionate understanding nurse. I had a sucky nurse for my lap last time who did not tell my dr that I was nauseated. She didn't have me pee or eat. She wouldn't give me anything to drink because I would puke. My dr said if he had known that I would have had something ordered and he would have kept me (would not have like this part).

Monday, June 11, 2007


So in about 3 weeks I am going to have another lap. I know that it is the only way. A million scans won't show what is going on. Only "direct visualization" can. Pain is better but is still bad. I still have to take 800mg of motrin every 6-8 hours. That is DEFINITELY not normal. There is a sharp stabbing pain on the right all the time that varies in intensity. I have occasional left sided pain as well. wierd.

I know what the procedure is. I'm not worried about whether or not he will find something and fix it. Well ok I am. A) what if he finds something? Can he fix it? Will I get to keep all my parts? What if it is something really bad? B) what if he doesn't find something? Does that make me a liar?? He already said if he couldn't find what was wrong then he is going to refer me to a general surgeon. So there is a next step. But I really don't want to get onto the surgery merry go round.

I really really hate thinking about how much I hate general anesthesia. I really detest it. I don't like losing control and when they put you out. It's like you are giving up that control. While I trust my dr. Its till doesn't make it any better. I also detest waking up. Both times before (knee and previous lap) were similar but very different. With the lap the last time, I woke up to a stinging pain to the right of the belly button and extremely nauseated. I woke up in the OR and remember EVERYTHING that happened from then on out. I remember the first thing I said was I am going to be sick. I heard the anesthesiologist tell my ob, I gave her a double dose of Zofran and Reglan. Even being totally out of it, being a smart aleck said it is not working and didn't work when I was pregnant either. I remember hearing my dr laugh and say something. I didn't realize that he was still there. I remember them moving me to the PACU. I remember the nurse (a friend) saying I wasn't nuts and that he had found adhesions and taken them out. Then it was up to the ob floor. Then the nurse pushing me out the door even though I hadn't eaten anything, couldn't pee, and couldn't drink for fear of puking. I went home about an hour after getting to the floor and puking the entire night. Lovely when you have just had stomach surgery. It hurts too.

When I had knee surgery, I had nausea again. But pain was ok (thanks to good ole dilaudid in the OR). I woke up in the pacu and them telling me that I was going to be there for awhile. That I had a lot done. Then going up to peds because the ambulatory surgery area was closed. This time I was insistent on going home and to my own bed. The nurse was really trying to convince me to stay. Finally she agreed to let me go. She turned around to take my iv out and bam I started puking. 20 mins later and I would have been sprung. They talked me into staying the night. I didn't want to, but dh was like remember last time. That was all it took.

I have several questions for the doc:
- anxiety, can he give me something for it before the surgery (like the night before, so I'll actually sleep).
- puking - please dear God, please let me not be nauseated from the anesthesia again. I really really hate puking.
- Infection - after both girls and the lap, I got a uterine infection. Let's just skip that dance and do antibiotics prophylatically and we'll both be happy campers. Me because I won't get an infection. He because he won't be getting a call at 2am saying that I am running a fever, have chills, WBC is above normal. Makes it easier on both of us. What do ya say??

Well off to bed again. Was woken up by dh when he came to bed and have been anxiety ridden over this. We'll be going on vacation in about 2 weeks and it is desparately needed. Camping, but not tent camping. I don't do that. We rented a trailer on a lake. I'll have wireless internet as well. I am so spoiled. We just need to get away and spend time with ourselves. Sil's wedding is driving us crazy. Work is driving us crazy. Upcoming surgery is driving us crazy. We just need to get away and be by ourselves. We have invited some friends to come and join us for the day on that Saturday. K's best friend and her parents. We have NOT however invited the inlaws, although I think they are inviting themselves (too bad they will have to pay to get in!) . We just need some space. They are kind of making us feel like a third wheel.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Onto My Second Lap

Ok, so now I have 2 ER drs, 1 pcp, and finally my obgyn agreeing that another looksie is in the plans. I saw my obgyn today. He says he doesn't think it was an ovarian cyst. Not sure of what is going on with me. It could be adhesions again because the lower incision from last year is driving me CRAZY. Along with that lower right pelvic pain, is the most irritating pinching, tugging, feeling at times like it is going to rip open sensation for that little teeny tiny incision. I KNOW that is adhered to something. But no one knows why for sure what is going on. The only way to find out is to go and "eyeball" it as my ob says. He totally agreed with absolutely no hesitation that I needed another lap. I know it is needed. If I didn't get it from him, I would have gone elsewhere to get relief. But it still doesn't make it any better. I still have all of the same old fears. He did say today that if he didn't find anything he may refer me to a general surgeon for a hernia eval or or a bowel something or other. He asked me if anyone said anything about the bowel. Ummm, nope. They all said ovarian cyst rupture but couldn't be confirmed because the US wasn't done until 11 days after the pain started. Ladies if you have this pain, get in and get it confirmed before the fluid absorbs in the body.

Anyone in the family with Crohn's disease. Um don't know exactly what that is but no. We have a history of preeclampsia and heart disease. Funny that every woman in my immediate family has had PE at term and mild (except my sis, she was anemic and went 5 days late!). Me- I got it bad, not once but twice. Lucky me! Oh and we also have diabetes and I am fortunate that my blood sugar has been good to go everytime it was checked. yeah for something right??? I also inherited all of the family women problems too. I remember my mom saying when I was a teen that her periods were light and lasted a day. Even as a teen, I remember thinking A DAY???? UGGGH, mine ALWAYS were heavy, cramping, and lasted at least a week. WTH??? My sister, well that lucky girl hasn't had one since my niece was born 3 years ago. Ok maybe one, but in her words, it wasn't that big of a deal. See I got it all folks. Lucky me.

So we scheduled the big day for 7/3. Had the mean nurse schedule it too. I don't know if there was some talking done or what. But accomodations were made to fit my schedule. Doc's schedule for the first week of July was full for his usual Mondays. So the nurse offered me 1pm on 7/3, Tuesday. My doc doesn't usually do surgery on Tuesdays. I was elated that I was able to still get in. With DH being gone from mid July on and June being swamped. I really wanted to be able to do this the first week of July. If it has to be done, I want to go and get it done and over with. Find out what is wrong and get on with my life. I was so happy when the lap worked last time and now this. This has been pretty disapppointing. You start to get everything back and bam. It gets taken away from you again.

Well here's hoping that this lap works. If it doesn't, after I get pregnant, my parts are a coming out. If I don't have any parts, then there won't be anything left to get stuck to each other. For now, I am sticking to the painkillers for the next month. I guess I am going to call my pcp and ask her for a refill soon. Not enough to get through to surgery. I thought about asking my ob, but he is kind of stingy with that stuff. Like I said mean nurse treats me as if I was a drug addict and a faker. She was beat red today as she had to schedule my surgery. It was pretty awkward as she told me I should just see my pcp and see what she says. hmph. She did go out of her way to accomodate me for the preop appts and everything today though. My pcp said call her anytime and has asked me several times if I needed refills. I have told her no several times, but that was before I discovered that dh LOST my rx's from the weekend. wonderful. I could beat him with a stick for that. That's it for now. At least I will get visualization of my tubes again. Make sure they are clear. Then we will be even more ready ttc in a few months. They say the first few months after a lap is the best time. Maybe this is God's will or something that means we were meant to do this. Send lots of prayers and postive thoughts my way please. I can use them.