My tests came in, yippee!!!!

I was so worried I would not get them in. Now if the bleeding would just stop. I have had it with the bleeding. 2 weeks now. It is getting heavier. Up till Monday, no clots and the worst cramps ever. Just like labor. Since Monday, no cramps but lots of bleeding and lots of little quarter sized clots. Bet that was just way tmi for you. Hopefully these clots and bleeding will end soon.

I have been visiting a really good pregnancy loss club and the women there amaze me. So many have had several miscarriages. One gal there has been so supportive. She has nailed how I have been feeling. She just had her third miscarriage a week after mine. So we are on that ttc roller coaster together. There are SOOOOO many success stories. Women who have miscarried several times and NOW they are hugely pregnant. I just hate that I am doing this again. We had it so perfect last time. I o'd on time, bd on time, got a BFP at 10 dpo. I had a job waiting for me in October when I returned to work. The summer off. The perfect announcement to friends and family. This has been blown totally to smithereens. I just enjoyed it thinking this is the last time we will do this.

Now I wonder how we can announce to our friends and family? I wonder when we should do it. I mean we were supposed to be safe last time. Well that didn't happen. I try to look at all the things that I will get to do this summer. We were not planning a family vacation or were tentatively were planning one at the end of August (all depended when I delivered and was very dependent on finances). Well now we are planning a trip to Lake George at the end of June. All inclusive vacation for 3 nights 4 days. We were worried sick that dh would be gone when I would deliver. Now he will be gone but it would be early in the 2nd trimester. My inlaws have surprisingly have been very very sympathetic and helpful. ODD. I figured they would be the first to say told you so. I'll get to watch Kirsten play soccer. I'll get the summer to enjoy and hopefully won't get laid up on bedrest till the fall. FOOTBALL. Hey there will be football on tv. If my ob is lucky and I follow my track record, I'll get to teach him about the Carolina and Clemson rivalry. They play the Thursday by Thanksgiving. He still doesn't understand why I give him grief for sending me to a perinatologist that went to Clemson. I do tell him she redeemed herself by attending MUSC. Turns out the gyn oncologist that he refers to went to MUSC as well. Told him it was a damned good school. He still thinks I am wierd for that. LOL. Get the holidays off, but may miss Black Friday. I don't know. I think even if I am on bedrest, I WILL be sneaking out on Black Friday. I know dh will insist on coming with me and pushing the cart. Hey I could get that electric cart and make dh run for what we need. Fortunately, TARGET is opening here. So really I got it covered between the two stores. I can be in and out in a very short time. Who would not let the big pregnant woman through? The belly can just push people out the way. New programs on tv to occupy the time on bedrest. It will be cold outside anyway and I will hibernate anyway. I'll have more leave. Without working any overtime/comp time. I would have a full 14 weeks of leave. Add in part time work at home or even full time work at home and well, it gets further out. Lots of good things to look forward to.

I know there is a reason for things. Without the loss of this baby, we would not get to meet the next one. There would not have been a next one if this one hadn't of died. Maybe it will make me slow down and take the time with the girls that I have. I try to do that. I stop myself now and give them much more hugs and kisses. I think it will definitely make me slow down in pregnancy next time. Much more cautious. Much more careful. Instead of getting all happy calling the ob's office and saying hey I got a positive test. I will be doing it much more cautiously and with trepidation. I just know I am going to freak. Gone is that girl that says hmm, ligament pain. I mean I had some spotting and cramping this last time. My ob asked me about it and I said yeah at about 5 weeks. I figured it was implantation bleeding and he said probably. Kind of raised an eyebrow but agreed. Nex time I'll probably call the office and say hey this is going on. I used to think that women that would go to the ER to get an US were nuts. I can't believe that I would actually consider it. Don't worry ER bloggers, I'll ask my ob first.

I am thankful for all of my wonderful friends that have supported me through this. I really appreciate it. I only hope that I can return the favor to someone else.