Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Going home....

Well work is better. So thought I would start off with that. I am not due back into the office till Wednesday. I see the chiropractor on the 3rd (thank God I need it). I see my ob on the 4th. Anyway, had a little talk with our new boss. Basically, I can do everything that Counsel says even if it is wrong or he could let me do my job. Counsel can stick to the legal stuff. He agreed. :)

This weekend we go home. I really want to see "some" of my family. I absolutely don't want to see my mother or my other sister at all. I will end up seeing them, I do not want my whole weekend spent with them. I have planned excursions for a harbor boat cruise, carriage ride, aquarium, and the beach. I am on the hunt for some paintings by an artist I love. Last time I found a great little gallery off Market Street. I'll see my mom and my one sister at the wedding. I'll have to see my mom for breakfast Saturday. My other sister just called and asked if she could tell my mother that we were coming now. I SAID NO. I don't want to give her ANY heads up. She is going to call her Friday night and tell her. She is going to tell her I am still angry and it is because of what she said and how she acted after we lost the baby. She should have minded her own business and given us space and she didn't. Instead, she ran her mouth all over town about crap that was NOT true. She made me feel like a teenager that had done something wrong when we told her we were pregnant. Then when we lost the baby, she ran her mouth telling everyone I was severely depressed, suicidal, and needed a psychiatrist. Now I have no problems with people needing that. HOW DARE SHE. She hadn't even spoken to me hardly. How the hell would she know. It makes me so angry to this day that she took something so private and tragic for us and made it into something very ugly. She made it as if we didn't have a right to grieve the way we wanted. She just made a situation that was already the worst that we imagined and made it even worse. I can't even stress enough about it. For once I had had it. I am tired of being the adult. I am tired of dealing with HER issues. I can't stand how negative she is. Everything is ALWAYS someone else's fault. I hate how when we told her we enrolled Kirsten in dance class. She said oh well I wish I could have done that for you, but I didn't have the money. Truth was she did have the money. When my father died, she got 80K that was for US. She also got social security every month till we were 18. She had a good job at the time. She didn't pay for medical or dental for us as the military covered it. Honestly, she spent the money on herself. She always had expensive clothes and shoes and nails done. I very very rarely got anything new growing up. If I got something new, my aunts or my grandmother bought it. She could have done those things, but chose not to. For us (we have the money now, but didn't last year), we choose to give our daughters this. Last year we made sacrifices for them to be able to do these things. That's what you do for your kids. You think beyond yourself. She could never ever do that for us. If any of us have good fortune, she is the first one with her hand out and saying gimme. I also want my sister to tell my mother that she needs to look at this as an opportunity to see the girls. Not oh woe be gone. I don't want to hear it and will walk out if it happens. So my sister said well I want to tell her. I said if you do, I won't see you and will be extremely upset (my sister offered up telling my mom but when I wanted her to know). I have reasons for not telling her. One, she would wrap her entire weekend around us and I don't want that. Two, she would tell my other sister who would be on the phone to every single hotel in the area trying to find out where we are at. So that is the bummer part of the vacation that I have to deal with this mess. Hopefully she will behave.

I am excited about seeing my other family. Oddly enough my one aunt seemed to understand when we lost the baby. It made me wonder if she had gone through a loss. She totally understood about my mother. In fact, all of my dad's side COMPLETELY understands why I am so upset. Which is wierd!

I just can't wait to spend time as a family and with my girls. I can't wait to share my heritage with them. I can't wait to play on the beach with them. I can't wait to see their little faces light up on a carriage ride and stuff. I need the strength and renewal that the beach will give me.

Friday, August 22, 2008


Ugggh. I don't know what to do about work. I hate it now. Everyone has been run off but me. I trust NO ONE. My current boss is leaving. She is turning everything to the new boss on 10/1. He seems nice enough, however, he is very inexperienced and is a freaking bump on a log. He doesn't say ANYTHING about his employees nor back them up. So I work in Govt contracting. As part of sending a solicitation or an award out, we have to send it through Counsel. This would be great if we could actually TRUST our lawyers and they actually had GOOD advice to give. I sometimes think that the lawyers that are hired by the Government are hired because they were not good enough to open their own practice. There is a reason they take a $66k job instead of going after a $100k + law practice. Kind of like those crap doctors that the insurance companies hire as a 3rd party that is supposed to be impartial, but they are not. KWIM.

Anyway, our agency is so screwed up. Never TRUST them. Number 1 rule. They tried to throw the Asst Chief under the bus about a year ago. We had written a contract to remove debris. Contractor signed off on subcontractors receipts as they were accurate and delivered blah blah blah. Contractor's daughter was the project manager and she signed off on the receipts. One problem. They never actually verified how much was being hauled away. Yeah you read that right. Never actually verified and then signed off that they did take that much away. Then the contractor did not pay the subcontractor. Subcontractor sued the contractor. Now normally we don't get involved in these kind of disputes. Except that the Asst Chief received a subpoena to testify as a hostile witness for the contractor. WHAT??? How could that be? We wondered that too. Of course seeing he was doing his job as signing the contract, he expected to have Counsel represent him. Guess what? They told him that he would not have counsel with him and that he would have to take ANNUAL LEAVE to attend a courtcase done in the middle of doing his duties. WHAT??? He was quite upset for awhile, but counsel was being a jackass and giving BAD advice again. I'm not sure how he got out of it. I think the Chief went to Counsel of a different District. They fixed the issue. How screwed up is that. He did duties that were in line with his job and Counsel was not going to help him. My current boss has had personnel issues she has been dealing with. She had to go outside of the district for help from other counsel because this one doesn't know what they are doing. So do I have confidence in our lawyers? Nope.

So anyway, we have a new boss. We had it where we could at least deal with them. They gave us what they thought was the law and well we ignored when he was wrong. My boss would tell him he was wrong and that he was there to advise her. So now we have the new boss and they have a new ear. The problem is he is a bump on the log!!!! Counsel was dead wrong in what they were doing on a lot of our contracts. If you try and say that now, they ignore you. In fact, I have noticed them being SLICK. Meaning we send a form that says please review for legal sufficiency. It has an approve/disapprove form. Totally ignored. Things are coming back with no signature. NONE. Things are coming back unreviewed. Things are coming back with sticky notes on it instead of being written directly on the contract. Guess what that means? When the crap hits the fan as it will, counsel will make out as they can say they never signed off on any of the contracts. Well, I can't sign them as I don't have authority. Guess who that leaves to hold the bag. Yep, my new boss because he signed the contract. Do you think that the same people that left my current boss and the old assistant chief out to hang will pick up the pieces? Nope, they'll put them on a skewer and roast them. My long term goal is to get another job in ANY agency besides mine. Especially if I don't get the promotion.

I'm also going to be careful and cover my tracks. Projects that have been returned to me unreviewed are being noted as such on the letter. Sent to counsel on dates x, x, and x. Returned with no comments. I am also going to be speaking with new boss on Monday morning. I am not going through the stress and hassle of doing what's right. It's not good for my bp. It's not good for the baby. It's just makes me exhausted. So I am going to talk with him on Monday. I am going to tell him that I have absolutely no problem putting in counsel's comments whether they or right or wrong. However, it was an unfair position to put me in to sit there and say well you just put in what you think is correct without backing it up. So I have decided that if he wants me to do what I think is correct, he is putting it in writing to me. That way I have something concrete to show that's what I was told to do. If not, every single thing that Counsel writes on our stuff is going into it right or wrong. Ultimately, the one that signs it is responsible.

When I decided that on the way home, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. hmmm, who knew. Besides if it gets to bad, I'll just go on leave. I don't want to waste my leave and should know more on the 18th. I am just not going through it. 6 chiefs in 8 years is too much.

Now if I can just get through this next month. I am DREADING going home because of my mother. My sister said she will talk to my mother and say it was a surprise. My suggestion is that my sister tell my mother not to dwell, whine, guilt, complain that we live so far away and be happy that she is getting this opportunity. Take it for what it is and enjoy it. If my mother starts it up, I intend to tell her that. My sister is telling her first as to not make a scene in front of our children.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Dh is coming home!

Hooray! After six long weeks, I'll FINALLY have my dh home. I am soooo tired. I don't know how single moms do it! I plan to SLEEPPPPPPP. I plan on going and getting a pedicure this weekend (Saturday). I am sleeping in LATE this weekend. Waiting for dh's parents to come now and pick up his house keys because he won't be getting home till around midnight. I have to be up for work at like 440am.

I am starting to find the heartbeat more and more. I don't ever get it for long though. Maybe a minute because the booger is active. I am starting to think of how I'll be going off the progesterone in 2 weeks. It will be so weird to not have to shove a capsule up the vajay jay. It's also my safety blanket. I mean I know logically the placenta has taken over at this point. However, I don't know, it's my safety blanket. I'll have to talk to my ob about my anxiety of this.

Ok off to bed as soon as the inlaws come.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Even more good news

I got the results of my NT scan today in the mail. They were: 1 in 6361 for Downs and 1 in 11621 for Trisomy 13 & 18. These results are even better than an 18 year old. So not bad for this 34 year old AMA momma! It's amazing, at first I was sure sure sure I was going to lose this baby because my progesterone was so low. Then this baby's HCG took off after progesterone supplementation and we got a heartbeat. Then the fear of was I only prolonging the inevitable came on. I was worried sick something was wrong with the baby. Nope, so far everything is excellent. I can hardly believe it. The baby's heartbeat is getting easier to get now. This one is an active little bugger because I never get it for more than a couple of minutes. I thought with all the blessings that I have had lately that instead of selling the doppler on ebay, I want to do something else. I want to give another mom the same gift that I have had with the doppler. I'm going to ask my ob if they could keep it specifically for moms that have had a loss in the 2nd or 3rd trimester and lend it out. I'm not sure if it is possible for them to do it because they are so busy. However, if they can't do it. Then I am going to do it on my loss board. Lend it to another mom and have that mom pass it on. That's the rule. When you deliver or don't use it anymore in pregnancy, promptly pass it on to another mom.

I am starting to feel movement. So different than last time. I still have dreams of seeing our baby still (Peyton). However, they are made easier with this little one. You don't forget the one you lost. They are always with you. I don't forget that if we hadn't of lost Peyton, we wouldn't of had this new one. This one is so active where Peyton was not moving. I am worried about the low progesterone causing premature labor. I am going to talk to my ob and peri about it. I decreased my dosage of progesterone from 2 a day to 1 a day. So far no problems. I am terrified of going totally off of it at 16 weeks (actually it will be 16 weeks 6 days seeing that is my next appt). It's become my security blanket. It's going to get yanked away. Now I don't enjoy shoving pills up the vajay jay. I know as long as I do it, it helps the pregnancy. You can't have too much progesterone.

Oh and my settlement came through. What a GREAT feeling to pay everything off. I accidently overestimated what we owed on stuff. I had some stuff 2 and 3 times (pregnant brain here). I was like whoo hoo that I had way more than I thought. I paid my penneys and fashion bug cards in person. Can't wait to pull my credit scores for the next couple of months.

Still NOTHING in the housing front. Why is it so hard to get what we want? 4 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath +, garage, big back yard (hopefully fenced in but not required), updated. You would be amazed but NOTHING is out there from 125k on up. Even houses listed for $369k (way way out of our price range) need work. What the hell is up with that? I mean seriously, if the house is listed as 369k, it better be brand spanking new and not need a thing!

The girls are getting excited about going home. Sara has never been to the beach. She keeps asking if she can build a sandcastle and stuff. What a cutie patootie.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Where's My Calgon At???

Seriously, I am about to scream! The girls are driving me nuts. I have been doing the single parent thing for 6 weeks now and I am not liking it. Not only that, but doing it pregnant with a high risk pregnancy. Grrrrrrr. I am tired and cranky. I have decided to hire a cleaning service. There are a couple of leads. I am going to call some that are in the phone book for an estimate. If I can't get something that way, then place an ad in the paper. Tomorrow is payday, so I can buy our plane tickets and book the hotel. I have to prepay for the entire stay at the hotel!!! It's like $227 average a night for a double bed ocean front room with microwave, fridge, etc. Think that is a pretty good deal. Plane tickets will be about $245 a piece. The lawyer called today and said my knee check is in the mail minus his 1/3, costs, and $3k that was put in trust for drs. Enough to pay everything off. That will be so wierd.

I emailed my aunts on my dad's side and told them that we were pregnant, baby is ok, and that I was coming home for the wedding. Hopefully they will be happy. I also asked them to please not tell my mother and my crazy sister. I plan to make boundaries for my mother. Basically she will never change and she can't understand what she did wrong. So basically say, we'll see you Sat night at the wedding. Then we'll have breakfast probably Saturday and Sunday with her. We are NOT spending my vacation with her constantly. My sister (the sane one) and niece are welcome to join us at any time.

We have got to get the girls back on schedule when dh comes back. They are totally out of whack now.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Low progesterone in pregnancy

I am going to take a few minutes to talk about HOW important progesterone is in pregnancy. Not only is it important, it is VITAL to your baby. It won't help a baby that is destined not to be. That means a baby with a chromosomal issue. However, it means everything in the world to a baby that just needs a little ummph. I was on progesterone supplements about 6 months after Sara was born. I was first put on it because I was constantly bleeding. My ob never said I was low. In fact, I point blank asked him. He said that I just needed a little kick. The extra progesterone worked. After I lost Peyton and with tons of encouragement from my loss board and my research, I asked my ob to run a progesterone test. He never said no. In fact, he happily agreed to run it. In my research regarding low progesterone, I found out I had what was called a Luteal Phase Defect. Meaning my lp was too short. take progesterone and it extends it out. I supposed Peyton made it as long as he did because I got pregnant the first month off of it. So I asked for the test never expecting in a million years that I had this defect. I was SHOCKED it was so low. 6.8. Barely ovulating.

That was when I told the nurse I had to get on progesterone supplementation right away. My research indicated a viable pregnancy needed at least 10 unmedicated. Less than 7, you were most likely to miscarry. Well less than 5 was very dismal. She called me later that afternoon and told me my ob did not beleive in progesterone supplementation. I was devestated. I started crying on the phone saying this baby will NOT make it without supplementation. She said she was not going to argue it and hung up. I was so upset that I called my pcp and begged her to put me on it. She refused. She didn't want to step on my ob's toes. In her eyes, he was a hero. She would NEVER do anything to cross that. Thanks to D. D sat with me. She talked with me on the phone. It brings tears to my eyes for what she did and I thank her every day for it. She told me to she was very worried that because of how upset I was that I would miscarry. She told me to call his ass at home. If his nurse had taken care of the issue to begin with, there wouldn't be this situation. Yes, D is pretty blunt and that's why we love her. She said it sounded like the nurse never spoke to him. So that's what I did. I called him and had him paged at home. I felt terrible for bothering him. Not only did I bother him. I totally lit into him. I am pretty sure he has NEVER seen me that upset before. I was a hysterical whacko. I basically said how dare you not prescribe this. He said that 50% of obs believe it is garbage. I said you know what, I have read the same studies that you have. I believe it works. If I believe it works and it won't hurt and will only help, then my baby deserved to live. My baby deserved the progesterone. I also told him all the progesterone in the world won't help a baby that has a chromosome problem. It will for a baby whose mom has low progesterone. I had been on it for over 2 years before getting pregnant. I can't remember the whole conversation. I was pretty much a raving lunatic. I have been a patient for over 4 years. I know through thick and thin, he has never seen me that way. Whatever I said moved him. He promised to get it called in that night. He promised to increase the dosage if my levels didn't rise. He did. The pharmacy was waiting for me when I arrived. He found a pharmacy that would make it for me on a Friday night.

I celebrated when my HCG levels skyrocketed. It was amazing. I cried when we saw the heartbeat the first time and each time thereafter. This baby so far has thrived. When I first got through the first couple of USs where it showed that we had a baby with a heartbeat. Then the overwhelming fear of maybe I had only postponed the inevitable. Maybe there was something wrong with the baby. I was terrified of the US at my peri's office. That one proved good. Thank God for techs and drs that read your file. I feel certain that's why I was in a different room with a different tech. I feel certain that is why she gave me so many pictures. She told me emphatically here are LOTS of pictures for you. We never had a picture of our last baby. I feel certain thats why she told us right away that this one is a healthy active baby.

So a bit of advice for women with low progesterone (I am hoping one of you are doing a google search and hit my blog). Demand the progesterone test. Demand progesterone if it is low. My baby would NOT be here had I have not of done that. Your ob doesn't have to believe in it. All he has to do is prescribe it. He has to believe in you and your baby. Maybe it won't help. Maybe just maybe, it will make all the difference in the world. If you have low progesterone, run. Run from your dr if they won't prescribe it. I love my ob. I love that he is laid back and tries to do the worrying for you. I love that he doesn't put you through a bunch of unnecessary tests. I love how he takes care of you in pregnancy and labor and takes the time to answer your questions. However, if he had not of put me on the progesterone, I would have changed drs right away. I would have changed first thing that Monday morning. I would have been in another dr's office that day. That's how serious I was.

The funny part is how I have changed as a patient. I used to be that shy patient afraid to ask questions. Now I am a partner in my care. I have a responsibility to be as informed as I can be (can I say how much my peri's office LOVES this!!!). He's the doc too and you have to respect his years of practice and schooling. Although he is a doc and everything, I like that he asks what I want to do. This past appt my bp was on the rise. I had tried everything to get it down. Nothing was working. So he asked me what I wanted to do. I said both. I guess I want to be aggressive too.

Back to the progesterone. We have evolved from 50% of ob docs think it is garbage to you are staying on it till 14-16 weeks. Hmmm, looks like someone was doing some research too. Ladies, demand progesterone testing. Demand supplementation if it is low. The only thing you have to lose is your baby.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

13 weeks 1 day

I am STILL pregnant!!! Hooray!!!!! Checked for the HB yesterday, but baby was not cooperating. Then checked this morning after eating and I got it right away. 156bpm. My ob was probably not the happiest doc on the block when I told him I bought a doppler off ebay. However, it was I buy a doppler or bug him everyday to check for a heartbeat. Which do you think he would prefer? Especially at this time period when we lost our last baby. I can't go 4 weeks without a heartbeat check. I would be terrified of a missed MC. So I bought one. You know what, I don't regret it for ONE second. It has brought so much peace and relieves my anxiety. If it does that, who cares what anyone thinks. So I was a little worried last night when I couldn't find it because it was the day they said the last one passed. This morning after breakfast, I found it. Hooray!!! My next US is not scheduled till 9/18, unless my ob can't get the HB again. Then he'll drag out the machine. I told him the machine gets alot of use off me last time. He didn't say anything. He was kind of cranky. Makes me want to check the paper to see if there were any early morning deliveries that morning.

I am so looking forward to our trip. Can't book till payday, but oh well. That's only next Thursday!!! For 4 nights, 5 days in sunny Charleston to fly and get an ocean front room with breakfast, it will be $1900. Not bad if you ask me. Prices keep dropping too every week. I just hope we can book in time to get a good flight and hotel room. This week has drug by though let me tell you. It seems forever between 12 and 14 weeks.

Today I think I am going to try and celebrate. I think I am going to try and call my inlaws and see if they will take the girls for a couple of hours so I can have some me time. I want to see the new Batman movie and get a pedicure to celebrate. Whatcha think?

Now if we can get the settlement finished, life would be perfect.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Today is a WONDERFUL day!!!

What can I say, but thank goodness for a very healthy active baby. My morning started off bad. I was working from home. Work started updating my laptop remotely. Well they KILLED it. I couldn't do anything. OH well, I didn't feel like working anyway!!!! Had my appt with my ob at 10 am. First walked in and the overwhelming smell of carpet hit me. ICK. I hate carpet smell. Not to mention it usually gives me a bad headache. Fortunately, I did not have to wait long. I was called back fairly quick. First off weigh in. Hate this. I gained ZERO pounds. HMMMM. I'm eating icecream every day and not gaining an ounce?? Then bp, which is sucking even though I laid down for an hour before my appt on my left side. 130/90. ICK. Ob comes in and says pressures are not awful - yeah they arn't great either. 90s now on the bottom. I am not used to that!!!!

So he let me put my input in. We can either go with a day of work at home or increase med. I said do both. Because rest is not helping. Work is stressing me out. As much as I hate it, meds need to be increased. He really didn't want to change or add meds at this point. So we are hoping this buys us a lot more time. Say oh 40 weeks!

Then he did the doppler. Ugh, no heartbeat again. I told him I had bought one and gotten it a couple of times. However, it was really hard. He checked forever. The longer he checked. The more I started freaking out. Sorry but a heartbeat can stop at ANY time. Anyone who has had a loss KNOWS this. He finally pulled the US out and right away a beating heart. Thank goodness. An alien baby was there and not a blob. Hooray, we have graduated from blob hood. Baby had a heartbeat, but was not moving. He said it's ok. It's probably sleeping and they sleep 30-45 minutes at this age at a time. Heartbeat was 140-145.

I asked him about my trip home. I was REALLY REALLY worried when I asked him he would say no. He said it depended on where I was going, how I was going, and how long I was going to be gone. I said Charleston, SC. He said and how are you going? I said flying. I can't handle a 16 hour drive and it would be cheaper to fly. Told him my cousin was getting married. He said it was ok as long as I got up and walked to prevent blood clots on the plane. Take it easy while I am there. I told him that peri's med school was there that she graduated from. He said maybe you can get a tour of almar mater. Umm, nope I have NO intentions of going there!!! If there is a problem they can call him and get whatever is needed. WHEW. Next appt is on 9/4.

Then off to the peri, where we have a perfectly normal healthy active baby. NT scan was EXCELLENT. Could not have asked for better numbers. Baby was extremely cooperative and measured dead on for dates. We saw baby waving its hand, sucking its thumb, bouncing up and down. It was AMAZING. We saw the baby's limbs, stomach, spine, head. We already think it has dh's side's nose, poor thing. I was so happy to see a baby that was so active. Our last baby never moved. The times my ob would do an US. He said baby has a heartbeat. That means baby is alive. This time baby was all over the place, like it was happy to see us. All of the worries about the same room and same tech, GONE. I was in a different room and a different tech, thank God!!! I had the same tech that scanned me a lot with Sara. AND she remembered me!!!! Oh and my ob's office FORGOT to send my paperwork, but I asked him for a rx today. So I was covered. They took my paperwork from February. That was an uncomfortable moment to say the least. No one wanted to say hey the baby you lost. The staff was EXCELLENT in dealing with the loss we had. I am fairly certain they changed it around from the room I had the last time to avoid sad times. So everything looked perfect. I go back to see my perinatologist and for an US on 9/18. They will be doing the whole thing with consulation and everything.

Even better news. My lawyer called me today and told me that he had received my settlement check from the insurance company. He estimated costs at $1100 and of course he gets 1/3. He said to expect a check in the mail in a week or so. Since it was an out of state check it will take about 5 business days to clear. HOORAY.

I just can't believe how blessed we have been. This year started off as the worst year of my life. Honestly, in February, I was left wondering how to pick up the pieces. Now we have money, have our bills paid off, and have a beautiful healthy baby coming. All of the people that have been praying for us and a healthy baby, THANK YOU. It appears your prayers are working. Sometimes you really do have to weather the storms to get to the rainbow.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Hooray for the sounds of a wonderful heartbeat!!!

I have to say buying the doppler was worth EVERY FREAKING PENNY. I havn't panicked at not hearing a heartbeat. I do cry when I hear it loud and clear. Twice now I have gotten it very loud and very clear. Once at 11 weeks 2 days. Then tonight at 12 weeks 4 days. Since I am getting very close to the point where we lost Peyton, I have been listening each day and then some. Call me obsessive, I really don't care. What matters is how I feel and how I can ease the anxiety. If this is how I can do it, then so be it. What a BEAUTIFUL sound to hear that wonderful heartbeat. I don't regret it. So if you have had a loss and were on the fence regarding a doppler. Buy one. I promise it is worth it.

Two days till my NT Scan. Say lots and lots of prayers that this baby is ok and healthy and still has a heartbeat.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Work Rant

I HATE WORKING OT. So I log on today to supposedly fill in a few clauses. THE WHOLE DAMN CONTRACT HAS TO BE REWRITTEN. I don't have time for this. Explain to me how coworker is the same grade as me, almost certified, was a supervisor in her previous job, but can't do a contract. There were duplicate clauses. Many clauses in wrong sections. Just plain freaking wrong information. I deleted a lot of clauses. Went to check our bible the FAR and started rearranging clauses. Something that was SUPPOSED to be easy is just completely wrong. Seeing project management feels it is NOT their jobs to give us the right local sections, well, I fixed that too. I did the we need your help deal. Basically said this is NOT going out till we get what we need and invited him to come to my office to discuss it further should he need to. I refuse, refuse, refuse to write specifications for project managers. So if I am rewriting all of their specifications, what the hell are they doing? They have student aides farting around upstairs all day that can get paid $11 an hour to type.

Coworker is not off of my list either. She did not pay attention to what she was doing. She did not check her clauses. She did not do her job. Sorry, but you need to buckle up. On top of that she lied to me and the Chief. How do I know this? I thought something was up when she was typing for two days (typing the PM's specs!!! Which she typed wrong). She said that the Chief was making her type all of this. I thought HMMM. That doesn't sound like our boss. She can be eccentric a lot of times, but she would NOT do that to an employee. So I pulled the both of them together. Coworker hemmed and hawed. Chief said she showed me 2-3 paragraphs that needed to be typed. You know me, I would NEVER have approved her typing the whole package. I believe the Chief. We had just kicked back 3 other packages for the same thing. Coworker left on vacation. We do NOT need someone like two of the people that just left this office. I see that I am going to be inspecting a lot of packages that come out from now on.

Fortunately, new boss is YOUNG. That means a new way of thinking. More like he thinks like me. :) He is looking to streamline operations and make things easier. Not sure how he is going to handle project managers doing their jobs. I think he has bitten off more than he can chew. However, he knows computers. He learns fast. If he doesn't know something, he looks it up. A nice refreshing change.

We are suppposedly getting 2 new interns. We are getting a new specialist that has already been labeled an asshole by my boss. Fabulous. I think my ob just needs to put me out on full time work at home now please. Oh and my old boss told me Friday that she is going out as of 1 November. She is turning in all of her work ids/keys/etc. She is going to have elective cosmetic surgery. Her surgeon has agreed to extend her sick time recovery. When that is done, her pcp is taking her out due to stress.

I sometimes wonder if I made the wrong decison by turning down other agency. Of course, I had everything worked out just right. if it had all worked out, I would have a baby by now. Hmm, funny how fate changes things. I would have never have predicted all of these changes. I am not a person that deals with this type of change thing.

Ok, rant over. I just quit working on it and decided to leave it till tomorrow morning. I'll need to talk with current boss. We will need to give new coworker some additional training. UGH.

The big week...

So the big week is finally here. The week that I hit 13 weeks and I am terrified. Terrified that IT will happen again. I can't take comfort and say I am overreacting and everything is ok because it was NOT ok the last time. I have my genetic screening test at my peri's office on Thursday. Thank God my ob is bringing me in for a heartbeat check. I think I have been getting baby more and more on doppler. I can't be positive on what I am getting. I am bringing the doppler to my ob's office on Thursday and hope he will show me how to use it properly or confirm that I am doing it right. The time has gone by fast and God has blessed me with no nausea or morning sickness (one of the things I dreaded and redoing pregnancy again).

My bps are definitely on the rise and I need to talk to him about it on Thursday. I started pregnancy off with 110-120/67-low 80s. It is now 120-130/87-97. YIKES. That is a DEFINITE increase. I don't like it. I have been trying my hardest to rest as much as possible. I come home from work and lay on my left side for most of the night (hard to do with a 3 year old and a dh gone tdy). Weekends are spent on the couch on left side. Work at home days have me with my laptop and feet up on the couch with pillows behind me. Then during lunch and breaks, I am on my left side. NOT WORKING. So I think another work at home day is in order and possibly increase my meds.

I talked with my boss and point blank told her to expect an increase by a day of work at home time. She asked me to arrange it for Tuesdays/Thursdays. That way I am in the office every other day. (Also, HOORAY on saving on gas!!!). Dreading that part of the appt. I am also pretty sure I have lost more weight which my ob won't remark on, but the nurses love too! I am eating as much as possible, but it seems like pregnancy revs up my metabolism. Why can't it do that not pregnant?

Oh and the latest news, dh and I are planning a little vacation. My cousin is getting married in the old fashion southern way. It will be quite the exclusive and fancy affair. They sent an invitation addressed to ALL of us to include the girls. Since we have not taken a vacation in awhile. I am DYING for some southern hospitality. I think we are going to sneak home to Charleston SC. I called my sister and she knows and is thrilled. I have not spoken to my mother. I guess we will tell her when we get there. I was hoping to put on the invitation that please do not say anything to anyone that we will be coming, it will be a surprise. There are some people that I do NOT want to know that we will be there - Mother and other crazy sister. Apparently, my mother and crazy sister are all cozy nowadays and well I can't stand my crazy sister. My mother is not on my list of favorite people right now. One of the lessons that I learned from miscarriage is that it is OK to not be polite and to have to talk to someone just because they are family. I thought I would need my mom. It has been quite liberating not to have deal with her crap. I don't have to listen to how everything is always someone else's fault. I don't have to listen to her money worries because she can not manage her funds. I don't have to listen to the whining her house is falling down around her because it was us kids fault (I havn't lived at home since I was 18 and that was 16 years ago!!!!). It has been quite nice and wonderful. I realized something was really wrong with a mother when the first thing she can say when she hears about her child coming into good fortune is where is mine? That really rubs me wrong. A NORMAL mother would say how wonderful for you and congratulations. My mother, the first thing she would do is have her hand out. That is such a sad sad situation.

So we are sneaking into town. I decided that since we are paying the money for a hotel room (our family is too big to stay in ONE bedroom of my sister's house), we are going OCEAN FRONT baby. I want to wake up to the waves lapping and the sun shining. I need the ocean. It brings strength. It brings calm. It is peaceful. At this stage, I desparately need it. So I am currently looking at hotels now. We are planning on going Labor Day weekend. The plus side to staying at a hotel at the beach is my mother can not take the beach. She will not go into the sun. This makes a boring time for her. Also, if I stayed at my sister's house, my mother will be over ALL the time and not leave. My sister lives within 10 minutes of my mother. Being at the beach, I am NOT that accessible. I have no intentions of revolving MY vacation around my mother. Yes we will see her because we have too. We won't be with her the WHOLE time. Anyway, I plan on taking the girls to the Aquarium there. We are going to do a carriage ride. We are going to go to Market street and the old slave quarters and walk around. I want to buy several prints from my favorite artist Jim Booth. I am hoping they can ship them home for me. If not, I will stop at a UPS store or something and ship them. I don't want to be lugging them on the plane.

So this all depends on - getting my drs approval to go, getting good flights and hotel rates.