Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I'm a yoyo

I hate being a yoyo. My mood literally changes in seconds. This morning I was bummed because I was spotting more. Then tonight, NOTHING. So my mood got better. So I guess that is a good thing and maybe it is from DTD Monday night. There was a ton of cervical mucous too like it was right after with Peyton. I can honestly say I have no idea if I ovulated on Sunday. I think I did, but not sure. It is driving me crazy. I keep thinking in 2 weeks we will know one way or another. I hope that I did. I hope that the baby sticks. Just because I don't want to have to keep doing this each month.

I did a search on when the mucous plug forms. It forms about 5-10 days into pregnancy. When the fertilized egg gets into the ueterus and burrows in the, the cervix is closed with a mucous plug. I am such a nerd. I guess I wanted to know in case of still spotting. I was reading everything I could about pregnancy. I keep thinking are the boobs bigger today? If anyone out there is reading this and laughing, I had total symptoms at 6 dpo, so there. I was nauseated when I went into a meeting. I had bigger boobs that were sensitive and down right sore by the time I tested positive. Then I noticed big blue veins two days before I tested. So it DOES happen. I am still wearing the bigger bra even though the boobs deflated immediately, like within a day of the d&c. Ok, I am just trying to keep my spirits up. I know that they say you are extra fertile after miscarriage. Well then I should be super duper fertile then. Knowing God, he would give me sextuplets or something crazy like that.

I wish you could know immediately. I know, if you go back to our parents, you would have to kill a rabbit and be 8 weeks along right. I wonder when my endo symptoms are going to come in. I am really worried about that. Course last week it felt like labor. I love my ob, but as much as I love him, he needs to order pain meds. I think the only time he has ordered pain meds was when I had this last d&c. Imagine my shock when the nurse came in and said my dr ordered demerol. Hell yeah, give it up. I got it twice before I left. Oh and I got Toradol too. Toradol is an awesome drug and I don't know why people don't like it. I was shocked that he ordered demerol cause he doesn't like to share. That's why my pcp orders pain meds for endo. She said if he wouldn't she would. We worked out a pain management plan and I stick to it. I have NEVER deviated from it. One bottle lasts me months as I only take it during periods. Which if this egg catching thing doesn't work, I'll be worried sick about the first period. That's why I am hoping.

I just flip flop back and forth so darned much. My feelings are one minute lowest of the low. Then the next minute very hopeful. This must be what people who are bipolar must feel like. I got my other book today. It is Empty Arms. I am not particularly overly religious. However, it is a pretty good book. You think Gosh if this happened to a pastor and his wife, it can happen to anyone. It proves bad things happen to good people. It has a lot of good advice. I can say after the next healthy baby is born, I am DONE. I can not go through this again and again. My uterus is coming out. I did think with this last surgery that I was not going to say I won't be in here anytime soon cause honestly I really thought that the last time and the time before that.

I am still dreading my postop appt. on Friday.

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