Monday, March 10, 2008

I finally have some hope....

I was right, once I got back to the ttc part, I would start feeling better. Why, because I have hope. When someone asks could you be pregnant? I can honestly say I am not sure or yes!!! That was hard on Friday. Kirsten had to have a barium enema xray done for her GI issues. I stayed with her the entire time. I got to wear the oh so cute lead shield. I was with her holding her hand and her head. It was really bad. She was really scared and was crying and screaming. Finally she calmed down enough to let them do the enema part. Then after awhile she thought it was quite the ride to have them moving the table up, down, and around the side. She loved seeing her intestine on the screen. Turns out her nerves are working so Hirsprungers syndrome has been ruled up. I think the next thing will involve a colonoscopy and a biopsy. She will be sedated for that Thank God. I was really sad when the dr asked me if there was any possibility of pregnancy. I almost cried but held it together and said no, I had a d&c two weeks ago today. :(

So back to the baby making news. Well since I was very lightly spotting pink last night. Because I thought there was a possibility I was ovulating, dh and I dtd. That is why I have hope today. I have hope because I can honestly say is there a chance you are pregnant? I can say yes. I can't wait for a positive test. I guess we get to test the theory of whether or not you are really extra fertile.

I think I did ovulate. I had that one dark line on the stick and the results Friday were screwed up due to the amount of bleeding I had. I had the familiar ovulation pain. I had the eggwhite CM. Maybe God will smile down upon us. I couldn't let the opportunity of a maybe go by. Who knows, according to all those how to conceive a boy or girl site, we timed it for a boy, lol. I don't care as long as it is healthy and STICKS. I am going to continue peeing on ovulation sticks. One of two things will happen. I will either get a BFP or a BFN and af shows up. Just in case, we'll bd tonight as well. If I did ovulate, I did everything right yesterday. So I have hope and I pray it happens very fast for us. This is a much better stage than dealing with the physical afteraffects of miscarriage. I even started eating and drinking like I was pregnant last night. I almost took motrin for ovulation pain and stopped myself. I then put them back in the bottle. AHHHH I will cut down on my caffiene too. I don't even know when to test. I am thinking Easter Sunday. Wouldn't that be nice to get a positive that day? A day of new awakenings. I just hate that I don't know my cycle right now. That sucks. At least my ob will have to do an US to date it. lol. Now the wait is on for every possible symptom of could I be. I do want to say that this date is kind of special. 13 years ago, my cousin who was a good friend, commited suicide. We were 15 and no one could save him. I kind of think if it happens maybe he had a little hand in it. I think that is a sign.

I'm at work today. They all have gone on as if nothing has happened. Thank God my coworker is leaving. I'm sorry but I don't feel like talking about what happened and espeically with YOU. GO AWAY. I will be putting my IPOD on today while I work. She talks NON STOP about her dysfunctional family. She still supports 20 & 30 year old kids. This is our problem how? Don't complain about supporting them, kick their butts out and make them get a job. Fortunately she is leaving for another agency this week. It was the same agency that wants to hire me. I still don't know what to do. I have not dealt with the new agency yet. Nothing is in writing and it is all orally promised. I am thinking if I get pregnant right away (Please Please God), then I can transfer in a leave status. If I transfer in a leave status, that is a paid status. I think it can be legally done. There's a plan with that, it will work out for the best. I am glad this girl is leaving, I have not been able to stand her and we can finally get some quiet. Oh and if you are wondering about the new agency, they have private offices.

Keep your fingers crossed.

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