So my bp was up all day yesterday! 140/101; 139/101; 137/97. YIKES. This was after being in bed all day because I didn't get home from the ER till 5am. So I decided to stay flat and take it easy this weekend. Me, the couch and Netflix have a date for this weekend. Today, my bp was 127/89; 112/81. So MUCH MUCH better. I am not comfortable with the above readings. I am going to wait and send them in on Monday morning. I am going to call the nurse line and fax the readings and let him see where they are at. At this point, I am not sure what to make of these readings. I am thinking I just need to rest more. That is almost impossible when I work 3 days a week in the city. At least when I work from home, I can keep my feet up. I can't do that in Buffalo. No protein today so that is good. I feel like I am super nerd. I have to test my urine each day. I don't know if I am being proactive or bordering on obsessive. Probably a little of both. I just don't want it to sneak up on me. I start my 24 hr urine test tomorrow. What fun. I get to collect my pee for 24 hours.
Did you know it is possible for a kidney stone to present on the opposite side of where it is? I did a little research into it when my boss said the same thing happened to her. It's pretty rare, but it DOES happen. One study I found had a review of 643 cases. Out of those cases, THREE presented on the other side. I really want to get into my pcp and discuss this. However, I read in the paper today that she was in a major car accident on Thursday. Please pray that she is ok. The paper said she crossed the center line, hit a utility pole, rolled over twice, and came to a rest on top of the wheels 150 ft away from where she struck the pole. It said she had to be cut out of the car. How scary for her. I have been worried about her because she has been so worn out lately. I could tell when we go in that she was exhausted. New baby, did not take time off from work after having baby, working insane hours, and yucky Aldomet. Hopefully, she'll take care of herself now. The paper said she was lifeflighted and treated and released. She is probably mortified she made the paper. It was kind of hard to miss the article as right next to it was a picture of my baby girl. Sara made the paper too. Her daycare had firefighter day and Sara was right in the center of the pic with the firefighter. She has been going around saying stop, drop, and roll. So she got it.
Mil and Fil offered to take the girls overnight. We said GO AHEAD. So no kiddos tonight. Wil take it easy though.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
More troubles.....
So last night I was doing ok. Had some BH when I went and took Kirsten to cheer comp. Then I had this AWFUL pain on the left side. It went from my back around my side and to the front and it came in WAVES. I remember thinking hmmm this reminds me of my kidney stone. However, that is on the RIGHT side. It was so bad I could barely even move for an hour and a half. What threw me off was that I had BH too!!! WTH. It finally eased up at 1030 but was still bad. Tried Tylenol, heating pad, laying down. Dh wanted to call an ambulance. I told him NO FREAKING WAY. At 1030, spoke with a friend of mine who is a nurse. She gave me my kick in the butt to reality. She said they knew what they were getting into with medicine. It was time for me to call. I hated doing it, but I did. It was like 1115pm by this point. My poor ob must have been asleep or something. Cause after going over everything, he asked what time was it. I immediately apologized and said I am so sorry it is very late it is 1115. He said no no no no, no it is ok. I just wanted to know how long this had been going on. So finally I said I am going to the Er. He said if it was nothing they would send me home. Of course, when I got there, the only time in a rural hospital, I would show up when 3 ambulances had just rolled in. So into the waiting room I waited till they got those people settled.
Get called back and my bp was 134/94. Pulse was 114. YIKES. The dr made it in before the nurse. As soon as they heard I had a history of kidney stones, in went a liter of fluids FAST. They offered me pain meds but I declined because I could feel the baby kicking. It just bothered me taking it when I could feel her, kwim. Then they came back in and said I was getting a renal US. That was it. I caved and they gave me Nubain. Which helped with the pain, but made me very sick to my stomach. So they did the US. Came back and said my US has not changed since June. They were not sure why it started on the left or what was going on. Everything was ok with me and baby. Released me on tylenol 3 which I did not fill, makes me puke plus not enough pain for that now. No protein in urine. They took my bp again, 147/94!!!!! TOO HIGH. Came home called my boss and called out. She said with her stones, sometimes the pain would be on the opposite side. YIKES. Off to bed I went. I did not getup till 2 today. Checked bp and it was 140/101. Even more yikes. Stayed on couch till I went to get Kirsten and Sara. Checked this evening 139/101. DOUBLE YIKES. Means that my bp is now higher. I didn't call my ob yet because for now all that can be done is to stay on my left side and rest. Pharmacy is not open yet.
I have to take Sara to dance tomorrow morning and fu with my pcp from the ER. Then Netflix, the couch, and I have a date. If it is still high, I guess I will be calling. THIS TOTALLY SUCKS. Twice in one freaking weekend.
Get called back and my bp was 134/94. Pulse was 114. YIKES. The dr made it in before the nurse. As soon as they heard I had a history of kidney stones, in went a liter of fluids FAST. They offered me pain meds but I declined because I could feel the baby kicking. It just bothered me taking it when I could feel her, kwim. Then they came back in and said I was getting a renal US. That was it. I caved and they gave me Nubain. Which helped with the pain, but made me very sick to my stomach. So they did the US. Came back and said my US has not changed since June. They were not sure why it started on the left or what was going on. Everything was ok with me and baby. Released me on tylenol 3 which I did not fill, makes me puke plus not enough pain for that now. No protein in urine. They took my bp again, 147/94!!!!! TOO HIGH. Came home called my boss and called out. She said with her stones, sometimes the pain would be on the opposite side. YIKES. Off to bed I went. I did not getup till 2 today. Checked bp and it was 140/101. Even more yikes. Stayed on couch till I went to get Kirsten and Sara. Checked this evening 139/101. DOUBLE YIKES. Means that my bp is now higher. I didn't call my ob yet because for now all that can be done is to stay on my left side and rest. Pharmacy is not open yet.
I have to take Sara to dance tomorrow morning and fu with my pcp from the ER. Then Netflix, the couch, and I have a date. If it is still high, I guess I will be calling. THIS TOTALLY SUCKS. Twice in one freaking weekend.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Reflections
I have been reflecting a lot in the last few days and doing what I need to do to get everyone ready. I was surprised that my inlaws did not run away screaming and that my mil actually feigned interest in what was going on. SHOCK. I told her that they said I will get sick. That they will be watching me intensively at 28 weeks and beyond. That I will have to be on mag at delivery. She asked what mag was. I told her it's a drug given by IV to stop and prevent seizures. I will be on it at delivery and for 48 hours afterwards. Hmm, guess I won't be leaving 36 hours after delivery this time huh? I think I freaked her out when I told her it was a drug that prevented seizures. They were not there when Kirsten was born. No one was. I am trying very hard to keep my anxieties in check, but not a lot of people understand. I have been emailing back and forth with another girl 8 weeks ahead of me who is already on bedest. We have been commiserating.
I keep thinking about my appts that I had. My peri was so dead set that I was going to get PE and I know she is right. She has been doing this for over 25 years. The plan that she has laid out for me ob is quite intensive and strict. I keep thinking about my ob appt. My ob has always been an optimistic guy for the entire time that I have seen him. I don't know, maybe he had a bad day. For once, he was not optimistic and he was dead serious too. Through severe pih with Sara. He was like this is ok. Through the staff freaking out over my bps when she was born. He never ever let me see him freak even when I was and others were. He did tell me after she was born how worried he was. I remember thinking, funny he never showed it. Even when I had the MC he was optimistic. You can try again. This isn't the end of the world. You can pick up the peices and go on. It wasn't my fault (somehow no one will ever be able to convince me of that, if I had only done a million different things, maybe things would have been different). Even at the beginning of this pregnancy (or maybe it was Peyton's), I asked what he thought about me getting pe and delivering early again? He said some women he thought he needed to deliver but they surprised him. This time there was none of that. Just that I was very high risk for pe again (I guess that is better than Dr. W's assessment right?).
Not this time. This time he came in with a very serious face and said Well. No it's a happy go lucky world today or anything like that. He knew that I knew. I know way more than the average patient on PE. I can walk you through the labs needed, what they mean, what they check for, what the levels should be. I don't have to consult a book or notes for that. I can look at the US and realize instantly that something was not right. I knew it that day at Dr. W's office. The tech kept trying to reassure me and said you know maybe I don't have the right artery. I told her I knew. I knew it meant that I was now even more high risk for pe (at the time I didn't realize that it jumped to 75-85% based on US alone). I knew that the placenta is not getting enough blood. I do know that it was unilateral and not bilateral. Bilateral is like the kiss of death and means a very early very premature delivery. The sound that the doppler US makes is pretty unique. I realized I had been hearing it on a doppler at home for weeks now (since I got the thing). At the time, I worried that maybe that it was the baby's hb I was hearing that was skipping like that. But it was too slow, so I put it out of my mind. Until the day of the US at the peri's when I heard that unmistakable sound again. It's like a heart skipping a beat or something when you hear it. I did tell my ob that I found it odd that Dr. W didn't even have to explain what it meant because I already knew. We just went over the gameplan and the plusses and minuses. Plusses - it's unilateral, not bilateral. You have great doctors and she seems to think I can get to 35 weeks. Baby is doing well for now. Minuses - bad ob history, notching, etc means pe. Hopefully it won't be as severe. I have this terrible terrible feeling that this baby might possibly be stillborn. Maybe if we hadn't of had a 2nd trimester mc I would feel different. I already know that bad things happen to good people. If I had the unfortunate experience of a 2nd trimester mc to infection, Severe pe and Severe pih well why not me. It happened once, it could very well happen again.
Like I said, what got me was the ummm Well. How else do you deliver bad news? I said you got Dr. W's report. That was all the intro he needed. I bet money he poured over my records from Kirsten again. Too bad they are all in french. You can get an idea of what happened. I have decided that if I am as sick as I was with Kirsten, I do not want to be induced. Just take the baby by csection. I do not want to go through as much as I went through with her. Quite frankly after discussing it with several military drs, the consensus was they would have done an emergency csection at midnight and worried about the transfusing later. I've had two vaginal births. So I am ok with it. A question for later at my next appt. I just can't get over how serious he was. I wonder if possibly another mom that had to have the emergency surgery on that day, I wondered if it was because he had to give the news there was no heartbeat as well.
So maybe things will look up at the next appt. Maybe it wasn't that my stuff wasn't all that bad and he just had a bad day. The good news is that they are watching me carefully. Baby will be here in January which means I can open the windows when I burn up from the mag.
I keep thinking about my appts that I had. My peri was so dead set that I was going to get PE and I know she is right. She has been doing this for over 25 years. The plan that she has laid out for me ob is quite intensive and strict. I keep thinking about my ob appt. My ob has always been an optimistic guy for the entire time that I have seen him. I don't know, maybe he had a bad day. For once, he was not optimistic and he was dead serious too. Through severe pih with Sara. He was like this is ok. Through the staff freaking out over my bps when she was born. He never ever let me see him freak even when I was and others were. He did tell me after she was born how worried he was. I remember thinking, funny he never showed it. Even when I had the MC he was optimistic. You can try again. This isn't the end of the world. You can pick up the peices and go on. It wasn't my fault (somehow no one will ever be able to convince me of that, if I had only done a million different things, maybe things would have been different). Even at the beginning of this pregnancy (or maybe it was Peyton's), I asked what he thought about me getting pe and delivering early again? He said some women he thought he needed to deliver but they surprised him. This time there was none of that. Just that I was very high risk for pe again (I guess that is better than Dr. W's assessment right?).
Not this time. This time he came in with a very serious face and said Well. No it's a happy go lucky world today or anything like that. He knew that I knew. I know way more than the average patient on PE. I can walk you through the labs needed, what they mean, what they check for, what the levels should be. I don't have to consult a book or notes for that. I can look at the US and realize instantly that something was not right. I knew it that day at Dr. W's office. The tech kept trying to reassure me and said you know maybe I don't have the right artery. I told her I knew. I knew it meant that I was now even more high risk for pe (at the time I didn't realize that it jumped to 75-85% based on US alone). I knew that the placenta is not getting enough blood. I do know that it was unilateral and not bilateral. Bilateral is like the kiss of death and means a very early very premature delivery. The sound that the doppler US makes is pretty unique. I realized I had been hearing it on a doppler at home for weeks now (since I got the thing). At the time, I worried that maybe that it was the baby's hb I was hearing that was skipping like that. But it was too slow, so I put it out of my mind. Until the day of the US at the peri's when I heard that unmistakable sound again. It's like a heart skipping a beat or something when you hear it. I did tell my ob that I found it odd that Dr. W didn't even have to explain what it meant because I already knew. We just went over the gameplan and the plusses and minuses. Plusses - it's unilateral, not bilateral. You have great doctors and she seems to think I can get to 35 weeks. Baby is doing well for now. Minuses - bad ob history, notching, etc means pe. Hopefully it won't be as severe. I have this terrible terrible feeling that this baby might possibly be stillborn. Maybe if we hadn't of had a 2nd trimester mc I would feel different. I already know that bad things happen to good people. If I had the unfortunate experience of a 2nd trimester mc to infection, Severe pe and Severe pih well why not me. It happened once, it could very well happen again.
Like I said, what got me was the ummm Well. How else do you deliver bad news? I said you got Dr. W's report. That was all the intro he needed. I bet money he poured over my records from Kirsten again. Too bad they are all in french. You can get an idea of what happened. I have decided that if I am as sick as I was with Kirsten, I do not want to be induced. Just take the baby by csection. I do not want to go through as much as I went through with her. Quite frankly after discussing it with several military drs, the consensus was they would have done an emergency csection at midnight and worried about the transfusing later. I've had two vaginal births. So I am ok with it. A question for later at my next appt. I just can't get over how serious he was. I wonder if possibly another mom that had to have the emergency surgery on that day, I wondered if it was because he had to give the news there was no heartbeat as well.
So maybe things will look up at the next appt. Maybe it wasn't that my stuff wasn't all that bad and he just had a bad day. The good news is that they are watching me carefully. Baby will be here in January which means I can open the windows when I burn up from the mag.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
20 week appt and BIG WHINE POST AHEAD
Feel free to skip this post. I had my 20 week ob appt and my ob agrees with my peri. Except he changed it to I am very high risk for pe instead of you will get sick like my peri said. He's an optimist. Guess that's why I like him as a doc. My peri recommended in her report that I get the pe labs done for the second trimester. I have to do a 24 hour urine this week (FUN). Oh and she slipped in a 3 hour GTT and did NOT tell me about it. Neither did my ob till he brought me my lab slips. I actually said oh man are you kidding me? I have NEVER been diabetic! It's the one thing that is good. I have to sit at the lab for the WHOLE three hours. I always almost pass out from just the regular one hour one and it makes me sick as a dog!!!! He said he was afraid that yes I have to do it but I can take my new wireless laptop to the lab with me. I said they don't have wireless. Grrr. Basically I have to stay on top of my bps. If they go over 95, I have to call about it. My peri recommended bp surveillence in the office, however he said that I know about bps and was really good about keeping an eye on them and that he is ok with letting me do that at home. I was to CALL if they are over 95 (do go ahead and kick me in the butt if I need it guys). He said there are some patients that he worried about, but I was not one of them (he would have hated me as a patient when I was pregnant with Kirsten). He said the uterine doppler was for pe and not pe and pih. So basically means pe. I asked how long he keeps people on mag and he said 48 hours after delivery. I told him fine as long as he gives me zofran for the puking (I puked the entire time while on it with Kirsten). I told him I figured I wasn't getting out of mag anyway after he got Kirsten's records based on his reaction to them. I asked him if I was on mag did I have to go to the ICU like with Kirsten (well it was an ICU room on L&D). He said no not unless I have bad hemodynamic changes? I'm guessing that means crappy bloodwork. He can't tell me if it will be as bad as it was with Kirsten. He went over what the peri told me. She'll see me at 28 weeks, then every two weeks till 32 weeks and then weekly till delivery. Her goal was 35 weeks. I'll be doing non stress tests each week in the peri's office as well. At the peri visits, she'll be doing the growth USs, doppler blood flow studies, NSTs, and BPPs. Of course the obligatory bp check. As far as all of these braxton hicks contractions I keep having. As long as they are not in a pattern or don't hurt they are ok. Just get off my feet when I have them. I am to call if they are continuing on rest, they hurt, or have a pattern to them. We talked about leave and they know I have enough leave to go out whenever I need to. So that was it. See you in 4 weeks. Ugh, 3 hour GTT will be in 4 weeks and they only do it during the week. Not a happy camper! I'm glad they are being proactive and aggressive, but I just have to say it stinks. I am thinking it is not really fair either. It is what it is and it would be worse to not have drs watching me and everything. It just stinks.
I am going to hate hearing from certain people I told you so. Because SOME people in my family will LOVE to rub it in and say see I told you so. I'm sorry, NO ONE deserves pe ever. I have so many thoughts. I mean I have kind of made my peace with PE. It's just the way it is for me and my body. My body HATES pregnancy. I am just not one of those lucky people that have the carefree pregnancy.
I have made my peace with mag. I hate mag. It is a necessary evil. Yes it is awful. BUT, it will save your life. So as awful as it is you just have to deal with 2 awful days of it and then you feel much better afterwards. I mean how can you not when it makes you feel so bad.
I just worry about A) me being ok B) Baby being ok and not in the NICU C) my dh and girls. When I had severe pe before, it was really really bad. It was just me and dh. We didn't have kids then. I just don't want to hear I told you so from anyone. I don't think there was ANYTHING wrong with trying for another child even with my history. Because before even getting pregnant, my chances were 25-40% for pe again. That means 60-75% chance for everything to be ok. Those are good odds. I just drew the unlucky straw.
The good news is that I have good drs this time. They are all over this like white on rice. I know that they will take care of me (at least I hope so). I know so much more about what to look for and what to call for.
I need to take this ONE day at a time !!!
I am going to hate hearing from certain people I told you so. Because SOME people in my family will LOVE to rub it in and say see I told you so. I'm sorry, NO ONE deserves pe ever. I have so many thoughts. I mean I have kind of made my peace with PE. It's just the way it is for me and my body. My body HATES pregnancy. I am just not one of those lucky people that have the carefree pregnancy.
I have made my peace with mag. I hate mag. It is a necessary evil. Yes it is awful. BUT, it will save your life. So as awful as it is you just have to deal with 2 awful days of it and then you feel much better afterwards. I mean how can you not when it makes you feel so bad.
I just worry about A) me being ok B) Baby being ok and not in the NICU C) my dh and girls. When I had severe pe before, it was really really bad. It was just me and dh. We didn't have kids then. I just don't want to hear I told you so from anyone. I don't think there was ANYTHING wrong with trying for another child even with my history. Because before even getting pregnant, my chances were 25-40% for pe again. That means 60-75% chance for everything to be ok. Those are good odds. I just drew the unlucky straw.
The good news is that I have good drs this time. They are all over this like white on rice. I know that they will take care of me (at least I hope so). I know so much more about what to look for and what to call for.
I need to take this ONE day at a time !!!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Another PE post
So I have been thinking for the last few days. I guess these are just some random thoughts. I have been reflecting back to when Kirsten was born. How the ob that I had (belgian) just blew off everything and the military drs were doing all they could to flag their attention. I remember numerous trips to L&D that was an hour away. I only had one L&D trip with Sara. I remember thinking everyone was saying how sick I was. You know I just didn't feel THAT sick. I still remember lying in L&D in the area that was the MICU for labor patients that were really really sick. I remember no one being allowed in to see me. I remember how the room was kept as unstimulated as possible. How the room was kept dark. How my dh didn't say much. There wasn't the jovial celebration that you see on a Baby Story. In fact, there was no tv in my room at all. There was a nurse that stayed with us quietly doing stuff in the corner. Funny how I thought that was normal for every mom.
I worry about this time. I am not so worried about getting sick or being on mag anymore. According to my peri, it's a given. So I guess I have made my peace with that. You will get mag and it will suck but you have had it before and was ok afterwards. I guess I worry about my girls and dh. It was very important for me this time (as it has been each time), that we have that family time after the baby is born. I want the girls to be the first ones beside me and dh to see the new baby. I don't want anyone else to see the baby till we have that time together. Dh has an issue with this. He says how can we ask grandparents to watch the girls but then make them wait to see the baby? I tell him how upset I was that I didn't get to see that moment when Kirsten saw Sara. I didn't get that first moment of seeing their first baths or bottles. This time I do. Then I think, I may (ok most likely) be on mag. Do I want the girls to see me on Mag. Do I want them to carry the image of a really sick mom on mag. What about when they have THEIR babies and remember that. So many thoughts and feelings. No one but dh saw how sick I was with Kirsten because we lived overseas. I really do think I still want the time with the girls. I plan on asking my ob and pcp when it gets to be about that time to please allow them in to see me. I know they will be worried.
Another thing I worry about is how bad will it get? Will I be thrown in the ICU? I remember my ob with Sara saying he could always throw me in the ICU if I was bad enough. I think how scary is that? If I am in the ICU, the girls can not see me. I worry about dh. He was so worried with Kirsten. That was the first time I had ever seen him cry. He really really thought I was dying. Well I never thought I was THAT sick till I got my records. It was like OMG, no one ever told me how sick I had been. I guess the good news is how my peri put it. They will be watching me very carefully. They know it's coming. The good news is it hits later rather than early. So maybe if it is taken care of earlier, I won't get as sick. I have decided as much as I always wanted 4, this is our last. I can't put our family through this again. It's too hard.
I worry about this time. I am not so worried about getting sick or being on mag anymore. According to my peri, it's a given. So I guess I have made my peace with that. You will get mag and it will suck but you have had it before and was ok afterwards. I guess I worry about my girls and dh. It was very important for me this time (as it has been each time), that we have that family time after the baby is born. I want the girls to be the first ones beside me and dh to see the new baby. I don't want anyone else to see the baby till we have that time together. Dh has an issue with this. He says how can we ask grandparents to watch the girls but then make them wait to see the baby? I tell him how upset I was that I didn't get to see that moment when Kirsten saw Sara. I didn't get that first moment of seeing their first baths or bottles. This time I do. Then I think, I may (ok most likely) be on mag. Do I want the girls to see me on Mag. Do I want them to carry the image of a really sick mom on mag. What about when they have THEIR babies and remember that. So many thoughts and feelings. No one but dh saw how sick I was with Kirsten because we lived overseas. I really do think I still want the time with the girls. I plan on asking my ob and pcp when it gets to be about that time to please allow them in to see me. I know they will be worried.
Another thing I worry about is how bad will it get? Will I be thrown in the ICU? I remember my ob with Sara saying he could always throw me in the ICU if I was bad enough. I think how scary is that? If I am in the ICU, the girls can not see me. I worry about dh. He was so worried with Kirsten. That was the first time I had ever seen him cry. He really really thought I was dying. Well I never thought I was THAT sick till I got my records. It was like OMG, no one ever told me how sick I had been. I guess the good news is how my peri put it. They will be watching me very carefully. They know it's coming. The good news is it hits later rather than early. So maybe if it is taken care of earlier, I won't get as sick. I have decided as much as I always wanted 4, this is our last. I can't put our family through this again. It's too hard.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Pe and the Brewer's Diet
Oh for God's sakes how does this diet continue to proliferate expecting boards and midwive circles? I just don't get it. When you have a body that already is compromised with impaired kidney function and it can't process the protein that it already has. Please tell me how MORE protein will help? Oh but my midwife told me it will....... Drs don't know anything. Honestly, do yourself a favor and don't count on some stupid diet to save your life that was from 40 years ago and has NEVER EVER been able to be replicated. Seriously. Can you find ONE study that has been able to replicate the Brewer's Diet? Is that why ALL the MFMs and perinatologists are running to it and saying please do this diet? No. NONE of them recommend it. Yes while pregnant you should eat healthy. If you are going to get pe, you are going to get it. No diet in the world is going to help you. Yet this diet continues to proliferate itself over and over. I cringe when I see oh I am doing the Brewer diet and my midwife says she nevers see PE when this diet is done. Honey, that's because midwives deal with LOW RISK women. Low risk women typically don't get PE. If you have PE and you are seeing a midwife, you better get your butt to an OB. Preferably a MFM or peri. I have nothing against midwives. There are lovely midwives in my ob's office. They are wonderful and do low risk interventions for birth. For me, I need someone that went to med school as I am high risk. There is a reason that a midwife has to have an ob back her up. I had one poster tell me that I should see a NP or a midwife because they know more than ob. Then a few posts later she told me that she was a midwife apprentice. The next thing was a question on protein and kidneys. ACK.
For God's sakes, please stop telling me that if you take calcium and magnesium you won't get it either. I can't tell you how many posts I see that say magnesium prevents pe. No dear you have it wrong. Magnesium sulfate (a drug that is given by IM or IV and is a combined med) is given to prevent SEIZURES. They are not the same as magnesium off the shelf in your local health food store.
I can't tell you how much it burns my butt to see these types of posts. If you don't get it a second time, it's because you are one of the lucky ones to never have it in a second pregnancy. So my question to all these I am doing the Brewer's Diet and it is going to prevent it blah blah blah, what happens if you get it again? What happens if you get it worse because you took in MORE protein and your already compromised kidneys could not handle it? Whose fault is it then? I just hope no woman dies because of it.
For God's sakes, please stop telling me that if you take calcium and magnesium you won't get it either. I can't tell you how many posts I see that say magnesium prevents pe. No dear you have it wrong. Magnesium sulfate (a drug that is given by IM or IV and is a combined med) is given to prevent SEIZURES. They are not the same as magnesium off the shelf in your local health food store.
I can't tell you how much it burns my butt to see these types of posts. If you don't get it a second time, it's because you are one of the lucky ones to never have it in a second pregnancy. So my question to all these I am doing the Brewer's Diet and it is going to prevent it blah blah blah, what happens if you get it again? What happens if you get it worse because you took in MORE protein and your already compromised kidneys could not handle it? Whose fault is it then? I just hope no woman dies because of it.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Ramblings about PE
So I have had a few days to think about what my peri said. Several things have stuck with me. I asked dh if he understood it to be the same. He said yes and that no I did not take it wrong or overreact. With the notching and resistance in the cord, I am going to be sick. There wasn't the oh you have a chance of not getting it. Look on the bright side there is a 30% chance you won't have it. It was you will get it based on history and notching. That sucks. It sucks because I know what I am in for. I only hope that I am far enough along to deliver a healthy baby. I don't want to be that mom in the NICU. I don't want to go to a university hospital. Sure everything is fine right now. Things got downright hairy with Sara and Kirsten. It isn't the norm to have your ob say I was so worried that you would call in the middle of the night and say you siezed or something. How about you don't have any idea how worried I was about you. At the time I thought hmm, he was overreacting. Over time I have been with my ob now for over 4 1/2 years. I know he doesn't take things lightly. He is not one too over worry or stress out. So for him to say that is a big thing.
It seems my appt with him on the second is a very very long way off. I have lots of questions now that I have done my research. I would agree with my peri's opinion. 40-60% chance of pe or pih added to a 75% chance of pe from the notching equals to a greater than 100% chance of it recurring again. She has over 25 years of experience. I guess I am not so worried about actual delivery or being in the hospital or even being on mag. I guess what I am worried about is a premature baby, seizing, knowing that my kidneys and liver could possibly fail. I know my ob has told me more than once, if I get that sick again, he would throw me in the ICU. I guess part of my problem is that I had high hopes of being the one that would sail through a third pregnancy. That I would be the one that got to be in Walmart and have their water break. That I would be the one to actually have a normal birth experience where you get to go in at term and have your baby. Instead, I'll get to be the one that the nurses (and/or doctors if it is not past 35 weeks) get to learn off of since I will be that rare case that comes in. I'll be the one that they will panic and worry about. I want to be the one that gets to laugh and eat ice chips in labor, not throwing up from the mag and feeling like death warmed over. I'm hoping that when I see my ob on the 2nd that he'll have some optimism (he is usually an optimistic guy). I'm sure my peri put it all in her report. The worst of it is to know what is to come and then have some jackass family member say that A) you knew what you were getting into so why are you even surprised B) that we deserve it (who deserves worrying about their health or their spouse's health and their baby's health? C) gloss it over and saying you are overdramatic.
I worry how the girls will be. I so wanted us to have family time after the baby was born for a little while. If I am magged I am not even sure they would be allowed in. When I was very sick with Kirsten, I was allowed no visitors except dh. Do I really want them to see me looking like death warmed over and bruised from constant needle pokes or the severe pe because my clotting is off? Should we wait to see them till I am off of it? I'm not so worried about the my health part of it as I know my ob is awesome and will be on top of everything. I mean the man stayed in the recovery room with me when I had the d&c when I lost the baby. He also stayed the night when Sara was born (he didn't get any sleep as there are constant references throughout my file that the nurses had made Dr. XXXX aware of my bp). It's just that it sucks plain and simple and it shouldn't be THAT hard. Many women can go and pop their babies out, why can't I?
I think I am going to call the peri's office on Monday and find out what my resistance index (RI) was. I wonder if I call and ask that question if they will think I am a complete nut or nerd. I mean how many of their patients show up in the office knowing what notching on a uterine artery means? Very few. At least that is what I got from the tech. I wish I had done some research on uterine notching before going in to my peri so I would have known the right questions to ask and could have looked at the US better. You can bet I will at my 28 week appt.
I also saw the look on the other tech's face when she was looking at my US. I am pretty sure she was looking at it as it was the uterine doppler study that was brought up with the absent flow. She had a really concerned look on her face. Kind of wondered at the time why they were all checking it out? Her look when she looked at the US and then looked at me in the exam room said it all and it has stuck with me since Thursday. I also wondered how often they saw that type of abnormal US. The tech said they only did 3-4 of those a month. So if they do only 3-4 a month. They deal exclusively in US and high risk pregnancies. Well you get the picture.
We have told very few people about the US results. Mainly because we don't want to hear from family we told you so. I know if we told the inlaws, they would say we were making it out more than it needed to be (this is from the woman that has been going on and on that sil can go into sudden death you know). Then my family being on the opposite side of the spectrum and calling every second wondering if I had siezed yet? Friends in real life can not comprehend it because you are the one percent in the one-eight percent that have had pe. Which is a really really small population. Pregnancy boards online have no idea as they can't comprehend it or you are the scary horror story that they all worry so much that will happen to them.
I worry that maybe we pushed our luck to far this time. Could we possibly be the exception and be lucky a third time? Maybe maybe if we hadn't of loss a baby at 13 1/2 weeks with something as random as a severe kidney infection and fly, we would feel that immunity or optimism. The sad part of that reality is that it happened once before, why not now. There is no guarantee. You can't look at it and say hey there is only a 2% chance of this happening again or most women that have pe go on and have healthy babies. The reality is you have already been the unlucky one to beat those odds. Not once. Not twice, but several times. One of the unlucky 5% to have lost a baby after 12 weeks. One of the unlucky ones to have been one of the 1% chance of the 1-8% chance to have had severe pe. So it's a bit hard to optimistic knowing you have that nagging doubt in your head. Don't worry, I am still optimistic for 37 weeks and no pe, but I also know my reality. Maybe I should start buying lottery tickets, you never know.
So I guess my plan for now is to make up my huge list of questions for my ob. Once I get those questions answered and see what my peri wrote in her consultation and what his take on it is, I need to make an appt to specifically discuss the baby with our family doctor. There are certain things I want to be able to do this time. I want to give that first bottle. I want some bonding time with the baby before she is whisked off to the nursery to be put on monitors. Fine, wheel me in there. Throw the bags of mag and bp meds onto a wheelchair and let me see her in her first hours of life. I'm sure I can work something out between the docs. I guess she will need to talk with my ob about the delivery of this baby as well so she knows it is on the horizon.
For now, focus on that this baby is healthy, she is a girl, and that for now things are ok. Take comfort in that I have good drs that know what they are doing. I just hope that when I head back into my ob's office that the nurses are not looking at me like I am an alien. He has new ones now from when Sara was born. He just needs to bring in the old ones for just for me. Have a new nurse work the triage phone. Well I feel better now that I have gotten that all out. Now off to Dell to price a new laptop for the bedrest that is sure to come.
It seems my appt with him on the second is a very very long way off. I have lots of questions now that I have done my research. I would agree with my peri's opinion. 40-60% chance of pe or pih added to a 75% chance of pe from the notching equals to a greater than 100% chance of it recurring again. She has over 25 years of experience. I guess I am not so worried about actual delivery or being in the hospital or even being on mag. I guess what I am worried about is a premature baby, seizing, knowing that my kidneys and liver could possibly fail. I know my ob has told me more than once, if I get that sick again, he would throw me in the ICU. I guess part of my problem is that I had high hopes of being the one that would sail through a third pregnancy. That I would be the one that got to be in Walmart and have their water break. That I would be the one to actually have a normal birth experience where you get to go in at term and have your baby. Instead, I'll get to be the one that the nurses (and/or doctors if it is not past 35 weeks) get to learn off of since I will be that rare case that comes in. I'll be the one that they will panic and worry about. I want to be the one that gets to laugh and eat ice chips in labor, not throwing up from the mag and feeling like death warmed over. I'm hoping that when I see my ob on the 2nd that he'll have some optimism (he is usually an optimistic guy). I'm sure my peri put it all in her report. The worst of it is to know what is to come and then have some jackass family member say that A) you knew what you were getting into so why are you even surprised B) that we deserve it (who deserves worrying about their health or their spouse's health and their baby's health? C) gloss it over and saying you are overdramatic.
I worry how the girls will be. I so wanted us to have family time after the baby was born for a little while. If I am magged I am not even sure they would be allowed in. When I was very sick with Kirsten, I was allowed no visitors except dh. Do I really want them to see me looking like death warmed over and bruised from constant needle pokes or the severe pe because my clotting is off? Should we wait to see them till I am off of it? I'm not so worried about the my health part of it as I know my ob is awesome and will be on top of everything. I mean the man stayed in the recovery room with me when I had the d&c when I lost the baby. He also stayed the night when Sara was born (he didn't get any sleep as there are constant references throughout my file that the nurses had made Dr. XXXX aware of my bp). It's just that it sucks plain and simple and it shouldn't be THAT hard. Many women can go and pop their babies out, why can't I?
I think I am going to call the peri's office on Monday and find out what my resistance index (RI) was. I wonder if I call and ask that question if they will think I am a complete nut or nerd. I mean how many of their patients show up in the office knowing what notching on a uterine artery means? Very few. At least that is what I got from the tech. I wish I had done some research on uterine notching before going in to my peri so I would have known the right questions to ask and could have looked at the US better. You can bet I will at my 28 week appt.
I also saw the look on the other tech's face when she was looking at my US. I am pretty sure she was looking at it as it was the uterine doppler study that was brought up with the absent flow. She had a really concerned look on her face. Kind of wondered at the time why they were all checking it out? Her look when she looked at the US and then looked at me in the exam room said it all and it has stuck with me since Thursday. I also wondered how often they saw that type of abnormal US. The tech said they only did 3-4 of those a month. So if they do only 3-4 a month. They deal exclusively in US and high risk pregnancies. Well you get the picture.
We have told very few people about the US results. Mainly because we don't want to hear from family we told you so. I know if we told the inlaws, they would say we were making it out more than it needed to be (this is from the woman that has been going on and on that sil can go into sudden death you know). Then my family being on the opposite side of the spectrum and calling every second wondering if I had siezed yet? Friends in real life can not comprehend it because you are the one percent in the one-eight percent that have had pe. Which is a really really small population. Pregnancy boards online have no idea as they can't comprehend it or you are the scary horror story that they all worry so much that will happen to them.
I worry that maybe we pushed our luck to far this time. Could we possibly be the exception and be lucky a third time? Maybe maybe if we hadn't of loss a baby at 13 1/2 weeks with something as random as a severe kidney infection and fly, we would feel that immunity or optimism. The sad part of that reality is that it happened once before, why not now. There is no guarantee. You can't look at it and say hey there is only a 2% chance of this happening again or most women that have pe go on and have healthy babies. The reality is you have already been the unlucky one to beat those odds. Not once. Not twice, but several times. One of the unlucky 5% to have lost a baby after 12 weeks. One of the unlucky ones to have been one of the 1% chance of the 1-8% chance to have had severe pe. So it's a bit hard to optimistic knowing you have that nagging doubt in your head. Don't worry, I am still optimistic for 37 weeks and no pe, but I also know my reality. Maybe I should start buying lottery tickets, you never know.
So I guess my plan for now is to make up my huge list of questions for my ob. Once I get those questions answered and see what my peri wrote in her consultation and what his take on it is, I need to make an appt to specifically discuss the baby with our family doctor. There are certain things I want to be able to do this time. I want to give that first bottle. I want some bonding time with the baby before she is whisked off to the nursery to be put on monitors. Fine, wheel me in there. Throw the bags of mag and bp meds onto a wheelchair and let me see her in her first hours of life. I'm sure I can work something out between the docs. I guess she will need to talk with my ob about the delivery of this baby as well so she knows it is on the horizon.
For now, focus on that this baby is healthy, she is a girl, and that for now things are ok. Take comfort in that I have good drs that know what they are doing. I just hope that when I head back into my ob's office that the nurses are not looking at me like I am an alien. He has new ones now from when Sara was born. He just needs to bring in the old ones for just for me. Have a new nurse work the triage phone. Well I feel better now that I have gotten that all out. Now off to Dell to price a new laptop for the bedrest that is sure to come.
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