Thursday, August 6, 2009

It's been so long!!!

I have been SOOOOOOOOOO busy and so sorry I have neglected my blog. So here I am for an update!

Cate - Is now 6 months old and looking like Kirsten's twin as a baby! You seriously can't tell the difference between their baby pictures at this stage. She is so beautiful and a happy baby. Totally has my personality too already. She is going through separation anxiety already! We are having some health problems with her though. The drs think she has a condition called tracheamalacia. Basically they think that her trachea is soft instead of rigid. When she breathes it collapses on itself cutting off her airway. In addition, she has reflux, huge adenoids, and asthma. They are all intermingled. We are currently seeing an ENT. She was seeing an allergy specialist, but he has now referred us to the lung center at Children's Hospital to be followed by a pulmonologist. We will be going to the OR for a scope of her nose and upper airway and adenoids. She will also have a bronchoscopy as well. The traceamalacia can be confirmed by the bronchoscopy. So I have been really busy with my sick baby. Through it all she smiles and is a trooper. We'll have more news on this on the 20th when she goes back to the ENT.

Sara - Now 4 years old and quite the character. She is growing up so fast and I can't believe next year she is starting kindegarden. God help the elementary school. She is now into mermaids. She has about 6 of them now. She is doing great!!! This year she wants to do cheerleading and gymnastics/tumbling at dance.

Kirsten - is 10 going on 21! The teenage years have started. She has gotten mouthy. Constantly talking back and having to have the last word. I have warned her now that the nintendo ds is mine the next time it happens. She wants to sleep all day and stay up all night. Ummm NO. She did very well at school and her recital. She is excited because her best friend Alyssa is in her class this year. YIKES. She is going to do cheerleading again, jazz, and tumbling.

Me - I got a new job!!!! Yep. Got hired by the VA!!! OMG it is so much better than my last job. I can't believe I stayed away for so long. We compete our contracts, the software is so much easier (what took me DAYS at my last job I can do in an hour now!!!!!), commute is shorter by 20 minutes each way, and I got a 10k payraise. I just love it. They encourage employees to go out of their way to help a veteran. I just love what I do again. The people are awesome at my new job. Love it love it love it!!!! I am so happy to be there. Seriously. The workload is so much less. I had over 200 contracts to juggle before. Now 10-15. SERIOUSLY. I have nothing but bad things to say about the Corps. I was very upset with how I left. I asked for them not to do anything (because I knew they would do it halfassed). Normally when someone leaves, there is a luncheon thrown for them, they get the rest of the afternoon off at no charge to leave, and a gift. Anyway, I went out for surgery for two weeks. While working from home because of the surgery, my boss called me and said I was not selected for the promotion in the office. WTF. I had put in for the VA so I knew I had a good chance there. Anyway, the interview was f'd up. He had himself and two people that knew NOTHING about contracting interview me. Seriously. They couldn't even qualify for the job. Quite frankly, I was insulted that such an important position was being decided that way. Who he chose was someone on the outside that they would have to TRAIN. WTF? Anyway, I interviewed for the VA two weeks later after my interview with the Corps.

So my VA interview was more like what it should have been, all contracting people on the panel. All supervisors. So I came back to work on the 26th and was hired by the VA on the 29th. Take that asshole. He was shocked to say the least as he thought I had no place to go. I don't know what he thought about that he had me locked in that hellhole. I went tdy for 2 weeks in June and started with the VA in July. I have been so happy to change. I just love it. The best thing is they are saying that I could possibly move to the hospital that is a half mile from my house in 6 mos!!!! That means no 35-40 min commute period!!!!!!!

The people are very nice and very helpful and knowlegable. Love it.

Anyway back to me leaving. They should have just done nothing. Seriously. I got a card and an $8 lunch. I didn't want a luncheon. Even when people insist on no luncheon and just an office get together, they still take up a collection from the whole agency and give a gift. My office didn't bother. Several asked me after I left if they had done one because they had missed it. I told them what happened and they were like that was so wrong. Oh and I left pics on my desk accidentally. I left at 12 noon, and I literally got them in the mail the next morning. Which means my desk was gone through IMMEDIATELY. Seriously..... Just bad feelings about that place and so glad I got out. In my new job, I have the opportunity to move up two more grades. You can only go up to a 15 in the GS system. I am already a 12. LOVE IT.

My endo is GONE since the surgery. I am very pleased with the outcome. It came out that she biopsied 6 areas. It was confirmed by pathology that endo was on my ovaries and bladder. My ob was pleased it was taken over too.

My bp has been back to normal for a few months now. My pcp says that doesn't mean you have carte blanche for more babies. I really feel one more is in my future and then I am so done. I have already asked my ob that if I did get pregnant again, could I skip the labor and just go straight for a csection hysterectomy. He said it was an excellent idea in my case, that he would be happy to do it. If I decided no more, call when I wanted the hysterectomy done.

Anyway, that's just a quick update. I'll post more later. Going on vacation tomorrow for a week!!

Friday, May 8, 2009

All that worry for nothing!

Seriously, it was the best hospital experience ever! Everyone was so kind and compassionate. Everyone on the surgery team came and introduced themselves to me including the nurses and told me what their jobs would be. The anesthesiologist rocked. He was so kind and he even came and checked on me several times afterwards to make sure I was ok! I mean seriously, I have NEVER had care like this before. Amazing. Simply amazing. This has been the easiest lap to recover from even though they did more work.

I did have some problems afterwards but they were taken care of immediately. I had some pain, they gave me a shot of toradol. HOORAY. The nurse told me the first thing they learn in nursing school is to treat the patient if they say they are in pain even if they don't look like it. WOW. These people loved their jobs. They worked great as a team together. I was watching other patients in the preop area. Sometimes it would become crowded in the area with the different members of the surgical team coming to introduce themselves. They would introduce themselves to each other as well. It was like family lol. I also had some nausea when they moved me from the stretcher to the chair. They gave me two bags of phenergan and then I was STARVING. I had trouble peeing, so I had to stay longer and they gave me more fluids to wake up my bladder. I finally went.

Anyway, my doctor found several areas of endo and removed them. She sent them for biopsy.

All is great in the world again.

Friday, April 24, 2009


Well I have my surgery scheduled. It is scheduled for 5/7. Let me tell you, this is a huge leap of faith for me. You know I am having serious pain when I have agreed to let a new dr do a surgery on me in a university hospital. I hate university hospitals. The last time I was in one was with Kirsten and I was passed from dr to dr because my dr went on vacation and didn't bother to tell me when she admitted me. I felt like a science experiment for all the residents, med students, and nursing students, cause I got to see them all. I didn't like it one bit. I hated being passed from dr to dr. Then again, I just had a terrible experience when I had Cate with a small community hospital. I have decided to make sure that I am my own patient advocate. I will never sit back and let a nurse make comments that are not right and treat me like crap as a patient.

I am encouraged by what I have seen of the big bad university hospital so far. There is a HUGE emphasis on patient satisfaction. HUGE. I had to change the date of the surgery they originally scheduled (4/30) because it was a bad date for us. The OBGYN secretary was sooooo sweet. I mean she couldn't have been nicer. When I expressed surprise and gratitude at how nice she was. She said honey we are here for the patient. We want you to have a good experience. WOW. What a difference from my home hospital. I mean you shouldn't be grateful for a nurse being nice to you. Which doesn't make sense and means the hospital is NOT doing enough to work on customer service within the hospital. I mean they advocate it on tv commercials. Their staff is NOT walking the walk. So I am feeling a tiny bit better about going to the big bad hospital. At this point, I am desparate to not have this pelvic pain anymore.

I came across an article on regarding intuition as a patient. It was written by a dr and it said ALWAYS trust your intuition. If you feel you are not getting the best care possible. Listen to that little voice inside you. That's what I did this time. I can't live with having to take a narcotic to control the pelvic pain. I shouldn't have to do that. I know something can be done. I am encouraged that the specialist said she is going to cut it out.

I am very worried about several things. 1) What if the operative reports are wrong? I mean I am totally confused about my ob and why he has done certain things. My first surgery I had adhesions which he cut and took out. He didn't see lesions of endo. However, I had adhesions for no reasons. I didn't have any risk factors for them. According to the specialist, they were most likely caused by endo. My second operative report done 8 months later states that there was scarring and old endometriosis between the tubes and ovaries. Yet when I had my post op appt and after my surgery, my ob told me he didn't see anything? Maybe he didn't think much of the endo and scarring. However, that was a major change from my last report. Why didn't he just tell me what he found? Why did he say he didn't see anything? Why did he open me up only to sa yep it's there. Then he didn't do anything about it. That is not what we agreed to. My only guess is that since he is a regular obgyn, he just doesn't know what the hell he was doing. Which is why I am now seeing a specialist. She has promised me she will not leave it in. She has said it will be a very extensive surgery unlike before. That scares the pants off me too. What if it is worse than he said because he didn't know what he was looking at? What if I end up losing a tube or an ovary or it gets converted to a laparotomy? I have some of these questions for the surgeon.

2) Of course I am terrified of terrible nursing care again. I plan to discuss this with the specialist at the preop appt so that I know what she is prescribing for me and what to expect at this hospital.

3) This doesn't have to do with the surgery coming up but the one I had with the miscarriage. The reports do not make sense. My ob had on the operative report blighted ovum/intrauterine fetal demise at 13 weeks. WTF. That is like an oxymoron. You can't have both. This baby was certainly not a blighted ovum when it measured 13 weeks and was a fully formed baby on the US screen. Which led to me going and looking at the pathology reports. I expected the path reports to say that there was a baby of whatever gestational age. That's not what it said. It said basically it received placenta, uterine lining, amniotic bag. HUH. Then I had a couple of drs review the records and discovered he missed the baby. How could he miss the baby? That is why I had such horrible pain for 2 days and bled so heavily. That clot that I thought I passed that I had to push out was really the baby all messed up from the D&C. I can't be mad about that he missed. It's a known complication of the d&c. Dammit, I am mad that he didn't tell me. My ob HAD to have known. I mean when you expect to pull out a dead 13 week fetus and you just get some tissue, wouldn't something click? When you see the path report telling you what was found wouldn't you think? When I describe passing an enormous clot bigger than my fist and that there was a lot of blood and pain, wouldn't you think maybe you missed? What about an US report from the ER that says there is a 10x6cm structure still in the uterus, wouldn't you think hey I missed? He told the ER dr no way that he missed. He was positive he got it all. The ER dr did not question him. I was told by the drs that reviewed the chart (these were a friend/acquaintances), that I should NEVER have been allowed to go home from the ER with a mass that large in my uterus. It wasn't like my ob didn't do USs in his office. He did two. One at 8 weeks and one at 12 weeks. He should have documented the heartbeat in my chart. Wouldn't that cross your mind that this was not a blighted ovum and you are missing something.

So I am confused. Honestly, he took excellent care of me with Sara and Cate. Couldn't have asked for anything different. Gave me everything I asked for. The endo thing, most obgyns can and do not know how to treat. I am referred for a specialist to handle that now. I am terribly bothered that he did not tell me about the d&c botch after the miscarriage. I wondered when I had the first US with him with Cate WHY he took over 20 minutes to US her. Before it was yep, baby is in the uterus, there is the heartbeat. Baby is moving. Done. He took over 20 minutes at that first appt to check her out. I worried terribly something was wrong. It was because of the D&C I think. I have honestly thought about changing drs because of the two surgeries. However, I don't like the other two obgyns in town. To go out of town would mean at least 45 minutes each way for appts. That sucked when I was pregnant with Cate and Sara going to the peri each week.

I have wanted to discuss what happened with my ob. I don't know how to approach it. Because honestly it is impacting my trust of him. I mean I feel like if I have any tests done, I need to get a copy of it. Because what if he is not telling me something, kwim? I can get copies of tests through my pcp. I know with pregnancy, my peri wants copied on the tests and she gives me the actual numbers. So I either get it verbally from her or I take a copy from my pcp or ob.

I honestly believe the er dr covered for my ob thinking I would never find out that he missed. I mean you shouldn't tell a patient your uterus is filled with old blood, debris, and clots. When the US report said there is a 10x6 cm structure in the uterus. Big difference. Both of them should have been honest with me.

I think that is why I didn't bother calling my ob with what the specialist said. He was pissed I had gone behind his back and gotten the referral through my pcp. I refuse to deal with HIS billing clerk cause quite frankly she is a real bitch. I can't beleive she gets away with treating patients the way she does with her rude attitude. Fortunately, I don't have to deal with her very often. Maybe 4-5 times in almost 5 years. Then when he realized I was serious, he wanted to know what the specialist said? I just let him read the report which said that we discussed medical therapy (I failed it), lupron (not doing it ever), hysterectomy (She put in the report that I was unsure of ending childbearing, which is true. I want one more!), and conservative laparoscopy. I chose the lap with her promise that she would cut it all out. My ob probably died when he read I still wanted another. lol.

So I am torn. It's really easy to say dump the doc. However, they are in short supply. I don't want to travel hours to see one. Honestly, my biggest issue is telling me exactly what my reports say. I am terribly bothered he wasn't honest with me with two of the surgeries. I would like to address this with him to clear this up in the future (hopefully there will be no more surgeries except my hysterectomy when I am done with babies). How can I know he will be honest with me on anything else? I would like to get this resolved but don't know how to approach him about it. Other than that he is a good doc. How do I know I won't get the same elsewhere?

Tuesday, April 7, 2009


So in a month, I go back to work fulltime. Tomorrow I have to go in to get my laptop and sign an affadavit for a contract I was involved with. Of course, I was threatened with my life to bring Cate in. I so don't wanna go back. I love being a full time mom.

I see Cate and I just can't believe she is already almost 3 months old. How the heck did that happen? I just love her so much. I love totally love all my girls. I would LOVE to have another baby even with the medical risks. Dh is on board one minute. Then the next he is like where's the dr's number for the V. I think I can get him to have another. I would have to do a lot of things first.

First, he wants a mancave in a new house. Well we are working on that. The one house we bid on was sold to a relocation company. They won't accept an offer with a contigency on it. Out that goes. Then we decided we really need something over 2000 sqft. Our house is now up on the market. Every day we are doing something to continue to ready it for sale. Our first open house is on 4/19. I bought a St. Joseph statue to bury in the yard. Hey I'll take whatever I can.

Second, we will be hiring a maid. I have a number for one. I don't want to hire them till we move.

Third, Cate has to get a bit bigger and past the new baby stage. :)

Other than that, things are good.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

What I have Been Up To...

Job Front - I applied for a promotion in my office. I don't know if I made the list. I should have. I don't know if the new boss will hire me for it. We'll see. In the meantime, another position, a promotion, has opened up. I am applying to do that too. I would much rather go work for the other agency than my current one. I am dreading going back to work.

Housing - We put an offer in on a house yesterday. The mortgage process is SO much easier this time now that we are not so broke. When we bought our current house, we were scraping money together for home inspections, etc. SO BROKE THEN. Now, different story. Our mortgage guy was impressed. He did our first mortgage. He was like no problemo. We bid on a 4 bedroom 2 1/2 bath cape cod. We really like it. We have decided that Cate and Sara will share the huge bedroom. Then Kirsten can choose which of the other two bedrooms she wants. Then the 3rd will be a guest bedroom (future nursery :)) and then we will have the master suite downstairs. There is a finished basement with an office and family room. Then huge first floor with a 3 season room. Can't wait to see if we get it. Latest we would move is July because we have 60 days to sell ours. So pray our house sells and we can come to an agreement on price with this house.

Medical - I did hear back from the nurse manager via a letter. She apologized and said that she had addressed my concerns and had recommendations done. The one thing that bothered me about the letter was that she apologized for "not meeting my standard of care". Hell they didn't even meet THEIR OWN standard of care. It infuriates me that they thought it was ok at the time. You have a patient having a visible allergic reaction to a med and you say so what? You have a labor nurse undermining an ob and perinatologist's diagnosis and recommendations and that is meeting my standard of care? Not too mention the same nurse flat out LIED in my records saying that when I was shivering during transition, she gave me warm blankets and turned up the heat. What actually happened was she said ugggh hormones when my dh asked why I was shivering. Then she walked out of the room. Only to have another nurse come in, check the warmer, say she was hot and turn down the heat. It made me so angry that I had meds that were ordered for me and I was told I didn't have them ordered because I didn't have stitches. ACK. Oh well. If I have another kid, I will make sure I run what my ob has ordered for me by me. I may even ask to see my chart.

One of my worse fears has come true. My endo is already back at 8 weeks pp. How the hell did that happen? I religiously took the loestrin and prometrium. Same time every day. Yet it came back immediately. Why? Well apparently, no one knew that fiorinal can cause interference with the pill. So the maximum doses of fiorinal I was taking for my headaches, basically negated any benefits that I was getting from the pill. Last week, I was doubled over with back and lower right stomach pain. I thought my kidney stone was back. So I saw my pcp. She said I could do outpatient and not get pain relief or I could go to the ER, get everything taken care of (BW, cat scan, pain relief). I chose the ER but ONLY if she called to tell them I wasn't a faker because last time for the kidney stone, I got NO pain relief because I didn't appear to be in enough pain. Anyway, she called and talked with the dr. Who happened to be the dr that first diagnosed me with endo and talked me into a lap. 3 years later she remembered me! I sent her a really nice thank you card because she believed me and convinced me to have the surgery. She still has the card. So it was hard for her to tell me it was back. The stone is gone. Which they think I passed it when I was in the ER last in November. The time I didn't appear to be in enough pain to warrant anything. ASSHOLE. Anyway, she said it was back. It was documented in my medical records. I had to see my pcp and my ob. My pcp does the pain management. She ordered oral toradol and lortab. She also got me an out of network referral to the pelvic pain clinic. I am going to get a lap done to cut it out as my ob LEFT it last time in. My specialist appt is on 4/1. Then I think I am going to have a mirena IUD put in and see if that helps. That can't be affected by oral drugs. I see my ob on Thursday. I cried after coming home from the ER because it was back so soon. The er dr said at least I could still get pregnant. They told me to get pregnant again immediately. UGGGGGGHHHHHHH. I did do a press ganey survey on that kidney stone issue and the mass in the uterus last week when I got an ER one in the mail.

Cate is beautiful. Her eyes are turning a clear blue. I may have a blue eyed child this time. She is 8lbs 10ozs. She seems to be in between Kirsten and Sara in temperament and personality. She is adorable.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

What medical records can tell you....

So imagine my shock and surprise when going through my medical records from the d&c for Peyton. First my shock was that my ob missed. I am not sure how I feel about that. I know that it is a known risk. I am upset that the ER dr neglected to tell me there was this huge 10x6cm mass in my uterus. I had a right to know. My ob told him no way he missed. Well if your pathology report doesn't show a 13 week baby and you don't have that you got a 13 week baby on your operative report. You missed. Which is hard because my ob took such good care of me with Cate, Sara, and regular gyn, and the d&c minus the missing.

Next, at the very end of the file. The last page was an application for fetal death certificate. WTF. Apparently there is an obscure law that isn't known that in NYS you HAVE to provide within 72 hours a certificate of fetal death. Something like this should not bring joy to me. It does. It does because it says my baby existed. My baby no longer only exists in operative and pathology reports. He no longer exists in the image burned into my brain from that last US. Here is a certificate. A certificate that I had been pregnant and my baby died.

I have also decided to make it MY mission to let every woman that has suffered a miscarriage or stillbirth in NYS know about this certificate. The women that have let know are all calling for it. I called today and the nice lady said she would mail it to me today. I have also emailed the editor of our small town paper requesting to write an editorial on misscarriage and fetal death certificates. I want it to be anonymous. I don't want the whole town to know of my loss. I do want women to know that this is out there for them. Validation.

In addition, after consulting some websites, nursing friends. I have decided to take my complaint further on what happened in the hospital. I have drafted the letter. I intend to mail it to the CEO of the hospital, DON, Director of clinical services and quality management. What happened to me was inexcusable. I pay a ton of money in health care. Dammit, I had a right to be treated with kindness and respect. If I had treated someone like that, I would be fired. I want to see it changed. It won't be changed unless you speak up. One nursing website that I went to said that you could go as far as saying it was patient abuse.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

OB Nurses at my hospital

SUCKED when I had Cate. Yes we had a great birth, but I never posted what happened before and after she was born! Check this out:

I told my labor nurse that I was supposed to get iv antibiotics. I was cutoff and told twice my beta strep was negative and then I was told we do not pre-treat infections around here. Sure enough I got a kidney infection right after delivery that required antibiotics to treat. I ordered my medical records. I always get a copy now after any hospital stay or procedure. Nowhere in my records is it listed that the nurse contacted Dr. X to ask about the antibiotics. I was also told when I was asking about the antibiotics, “what do you want, your epidural or antibiotics”. In fact, when I asked about the antibiotics, the nurse never said let me go check on that for you. She automatically cut me off and said we don’t pretreat infections around here.

In the past, I have had uterine infections after delivery and gyn surgery. Currently, I have a kidney stone stuck in the right ureter. The drs did not want to do surgery to remove it due to pregnancy. Two urologists that I consulted during pregnancy recommended IV antibiotics during delivery because they said I would get an infection. Dr. X when I discussed this with him said he would use iv antibiotics as well during the delivery. Somehow he forgot about that and didn’t write the order.

At one point, I was watching the monitor and told my husband that my blood pressure was still high. The nurse said “then don’t look at it” and snapped the machine off.

The labor nurse told me that she had personally reviewed my chart and labs and according to her I was not pre-eclamptic. I don’t know what labs she was looking at. However, the labs that I had – uric acid and creatine levels were high. These were not in my file. My urine protein was increasing each week. In addition, according to the peri, I had central nervous system involvement because of headaches, vision issues, nosebleeds, and brisk reflexes. The peri said cns involvement was more indicative of a seizure than protein.

The same nurse also told that I knew too much about my meds. I am not sure what the nurse meant or was implying, but I would hope that I would know what meds I am on as a patient. During the morning, she made us feel very unwelcome and uncomfortable. The only time the labor nurse was polite to us was when Dr. X was in the room and during the actual delivery.

I had an enormously difficult time in getting the fiorinal for my headaches that Dr. X ordered. It is in several places in my chart that he ordered it. Yet the nurses did not seem to want to give it to me. I took fiorinal from Jan 2nd on because of severe headaches. So this was not a new drug to me. The labor nurse tried to talk me out of the fiorinal and to take tylenol instead. That was a mistake because the fiorinal kept the headache to a pain level I could handle. Taking the Tylenol instead made it worse and took longer to control it. I had one nurse tell me that she could not believe that Dr. X would ever order it for a patient. I assured her that he had and she needed to check my chart (in fact he ordered it when I delivered my last daughter for the same reason!). I had another nurse tell me that she was uncomfortable in giving it to me because I had a codeine allergy and that fiorinal contained codeine. She is right, there is a fiorinal that does contain codeine. However, I was prescribed plain fiorinal (green and lime capsule) not fiorinal with codeine (yellow and blue capsules). I told her it was prescribed and to please bring it to me and I didn’t really care about her comfort level only mine.

Dr. X and I had discussed in the office about preventing PPD after delivery. I had it with my second daughter. I was worried about getting it again. In addition, it was the one year anniversary from when we lost a baby at 13 ½ weeks. I knew that crashing pp hormones, new baby, death anniversary was a recipe for trouble. Dr. X agreed. It was not easy for me to ask for help for this. I tend to think I can handle it all on my own. It wasn’t me who got help the last time it was my husband who sought it. I am not comfortable admitting I would need help with this. So it was a big deal for me to bring it up and discuss with Dr. X. In fact, it took me several visits to be able to get up the nerve to discuss it with him. When the nurse brought me the effexor, she told me “you know it is normal to feel this way”. I told her thank you for the medicine. She may not have thought she was saying a big thing. However, it was hard enough to ask for help. I didn’t need someone to minimize or judge what I went through with my other daughter and tell me this was normal. This was between me and my dr. We both felt that I would need something to help. What I went through with her was anything but normal. The nurse should have kept the opinion to herself.

After delivery, the night nurse that I had was helping me get up to go to the bathroom and get a shower. I remembered from when I had my other daughter that I was given a bag that had OTC meds in it and it was logged in on a sheet. I asked her for the dermoplast spray. I was told that it was not ordered as I didn’t have stitches. I had to ask for a peri bottle several times so that I could go to the bathroom and not have it burn as bad. I also asked her for motrin for cramping and was told that was not ordered either. I ended up having my husband bring me in motrin from home and taking it. I didn’t tell the nurses. Imagine my surprise when I pull my medical records and find out that not only was the dermoplast spray ordered by Dr. X, but so was motrin and lortab. It’s like the nurses never even read my records.

On Saturday night, I broke out in a rash on my arms. I showed the nurses and they immediately called Dr. X and he prescribed Benadryl. However, the Benadryl did not work. Two hours later I was covered with the rash on my face, chest, arms, and legs. When I went back to the nurses station, the nurses had changed shift. Their reaction was so what (yes I was actually told that). I had to explain to them that I had started a new med today (effexor) and that Dr. X said I was having an allergic reaction to one of its components. I had taken Benadryl and it was not working. Could they please call him and get something else ordered. They didn’t want to move and call him. After me asking several times, they finally called him and he ordered a different med and that worked to get rid of the rash.

On Sunday, my discharge paperwork was messed up. I got that straightened out. Then I realized I had never been given the paperwork to do the birth certificate. I asked and the nurse said she thought I had filled it out the day before. I told her no. No one had given me anything for it. So we ended up having to get that done quickly. I also did not have the bloodwork that was ordered to be drawn on Saturday morning done.

At one point in labor, I was shivering and dh asked what was wrong with me. The labor nurse went UGGGGH, it's just her hormones. She left the room. Another nurse came in to check and make sure the warmer was in the room. Commented it was hot. Turned down the heat. DH and I looked at each other like WTF. I told HIM to go and turn the heat back up. Yet the labor nurse documented that she gave me extra warm blankets and turned up the heat. WHAT. She did none of that!!!! I wasn't given ANY extra blankets during my stay.

I have to say that I thought the hospital stay with Kirsten was the worst ever. Hands down, my local hospital won with Cate. To think I stayed pregnant an extra 8 days just so I could deliver there. It was infuriating to read my records. Orders for meds were done and they were never given to me even when asked. That is just plain laziness. I debated about what to do. Should I complain about the care I received? Do I let it go? In the end I decided to file a complaint with the nurse manager of OB. I reasoned it by I always send thank you notes and cards when I get good care. Someone needed to know about the crappy care I got this time. There was NO excuse for it. There were only two patients on the floor on Friday, I was the only one there Saturday, and there were only two patients on Sunday. Only two rule out labor patients came in the whole weekend. There was just no excuse. The only bright spot was when I actually delivered Cate. Everything seemed to go right for that Thank God.

When I had my pp appt with my ob I said that the labor nurse sucked but he didn't comment. Course he has no recourse over the labor nurses at the hospital. I decided when I wrote the letter I did not want an apology. I wrote that I wanted to make sure it didn't happen to another mom. What if I had taken the labor nurse's advice and her saying there wasn't anything wrong with me and I just said ok, I am going home then. Cause I wanted Cate to stay in but my drs were like nope. So I wrote everything out that happened, good and bad (cause the baby nurses ROCKED), why decisions were made the way they were and what happened. I decided I pay for those services. I wouldn't treat someone like that at all!

If I ever have another baby or have gyn surgery at my hospital, I am sure they are going to be booting me out the door now that I have complained and I am sure I have royally screwed myself now. I know eventually I will be having another GYN surgery. Well dh is just about talked into Baby #4 next year. However he has some demands that have to be met first such as a new house and maid.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

One year has passed

One year has passed since that awful day. Funny how your life changes in a few seconds. Mine changed forever that day in the US room at my peri's office. I do have to say THANK GOD that they were observant of that. Throughout my entire pregnancy with Cate, I had a different sonographer and was in a different room. I have to say without a doubt that was the worst day of my life. The second worst day was 2/22/08 when I had the d&c. What an awful two days. I remember I kept thinking, where do I go from here. How do I go on? Even though I have a new baby now, she does not in any way replace the one we lost. I read somewhere that there are women many many years later that remember the babies they lost. 90 year old women that tear up on that day.

So what did I do today? Well I couldn't forget the day. So I spent the entire day holding Cate practically and thanking God that she was here healthy and safe. I was thankful that I had two drs that knew what they were doing and took her while I was still stable. Cate had her one month checkup this week and she is up to 6lbs 13 ozs. Her dr said those 8 extra days I kept her in and refused delivery made all the difference for her. She said she is very healthy.

Then tonight I went to the local Catholic school here in town. They have a grotto with candles and stuff. I wrote a note to Peyton saying we love and miss you baby Peyton, love Mommy and Daddy. I lit a candle for our baby on his angel day. I know that Aunt Kathy and Aunt Elaine are watching and caring for him and he is well taken care of. I still feel like someone is missing that should have been here. No I am not catholic and I hope they don't mind that I lit a candle there. It was the only place in town that I could go in anonymously and light a candle without anyone bugging me.

I have been thinking these last 5 weeks. I know it sounds crazy but I want another one. I think after the next one, I am going to have my tubes cut and burned before leaving the hospital. Cate is so easy and no problems. I sent a card saying thank you to my ob. In it I had 1 pesky kidney stone, 2 miscarriages, 14 weeks of bleeding, 19 weeks of progesterone supplementation, 20 weeks of braxton hicks contractions, and 36 weeks of bp issues. On the bottom is a pic of Cate with her stats saying thank you and to us she is priceless and worth it. Dh says I am nuts and crazy for wanting to try again. He is like NO WAY. We'll see where we are in 2 years. I hate odd numbers.... When I said this to my ob at my pp appt, he gave me a look like I was NUTSO. He didn't say it, but you could see it all over his face. He asked if my husband was twitching when I said that. I said something like that. I know he thinks I am crazy as a loon!!!My peri, she would DIE. She told me before I left that she loved me as a patient, but she didn't ever want to see me in her office again for that! It's not anything I havn't been told before though.

After my pp appt on Tuesday, I went over to the hospital to pull my records. I had a horrible labor nurse and her behavior was just inappropriate. So I have pulled my records to see what happened. I also pulled my records from that horrible day last year when I had the D&C. What is up with medical records. I always pull my records from any procedure or baby. I am anal like that. First the clerk says, you know your dr has to sign off on this (WHY THEY ARE MY RECORDS). Yes, I know. He will sign off on it. Then she looks up my records and says I have a LOT of records and it will be expensive. I don't care. I want ALL records generated. If I don't what all is in the record, I won't know what to ask for. So it is easier for me to just pull everything and pay for it. I know from Cate that my hospital record would have all of my prenatal records in it. I also wanted to see what crazy nurse wrote. I wanted to see what my ob ordered. I am wierd but I like to look at the timeline of things. From that horrible day, I want the pathology report. I also wanted to see what else was in it. So I asked for that last Tuesday. I still havn't gotten the bill in the mail yet. Hopefully next week I will get it. I'll go in and pay it really quick. In fact to save time, I am going to just go in and pay it. Cause I am wierd like that. Seriously medical records needs to stop acting like the gestapo with records. They are my records and I am entitled to a copy of EVERYTHING in that record. Yes, I will be a pain in the ass to get it too. Last time, I was pissed because I wrote everything generated and when I came to get them, all they gave me was the operative report. When I questioned them on it, they said oh we thought you would just want this. Ummm no, I wrote everything generated on it. I did not write I only wanted the operative report. So I am hoping I get everything.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Caitlyn Elyse is here at 36 weeks on 1/16/09

Reposted from my loss board:

Well we are finally home and all is well with both of us thank goodness. We had the amnio on Thursday morning and I waited ALL day for the results. Finally around 2ish I called the peri's office for the results. Good thing because they forgot to call me. Her lungs were mature. So that started the races to get the other 2 girls situated. Ran around the house grabbing stuff for the girls to take to grandmas. Kirsten had her first cheerleading competition this weekend, so we were getting that stuff together (that needs a suitcase by itself). At 4:30 my ob himself called and said let's get this show on the road and told me to be at the hospital at 6:45pm. So we got the girls and loaded up the car. I was sad thinking this is it and scared to of what was to come. Dropped off the girls at grandmas. Went out to dinner and checked into the hospital. Let me tell you a regular induction kind of sucks. It's nice that you can plan. However all the monitoring. It was long and slow (which was nice too). They put me on monitors for an hour to watch her heartrate (nonreactive as usual). My ob came in and put the cervadil in. Then I had to lay there for 2 hours on monitors. Blech. They told me I couldn't move and my back was killing me. About an hour 15 minutes into it a nurse came in and told me I could lay on y side. WHAT? So I immediately flipped over and was a much happier camper. Then right at the 2 hour mark I hopped up and peed because I was dying! The nurse came in (still hooked to monitors - they did NOT come off, but they had telementry) and said if I wanted to walk around I could. I thought that sounded great. Till I went out in the hallway and some girl had her entire family and then some there. She must have had 30 people there in the area. There isn't a lot of space because L&D is under renovation. So they have L&D rooms mixed on the same hall as postpartum and triage. So I decided NOT to flash the 30 people and went back to my room. I was getting horrible headaches so I was prescribed fiorinal during my entire stay. So I got some that night. Nurses came in and checked vitals. Next morning at 8am, my labor nurse came in. She checked my cervix (now labor nurses can't do a labor check if you come in, but they can check you when you are in labor? Providers have to rule out labor). Very soft but she said it was very posterior and not favorable? My ob came in at 830am with the nurse and a whole bunch of paperwork. It was consent for cytotech. He wanted me to sign off on it and while he was in there he could pop it in. Well he checked and said OH you are 3cms. Cervix is posterior but your good. We need to move you to L&D. WHAT? At that point I said I want my epidural please. I was having NO contractions (some cramping when he first put in the cervadil), no cramping, no pain and I wanted my epidural. The way I figure it. I did that natural labor crap with Sara when my epidural did not work. I have adenomyosis and endometriosis. I have NO desire to do natural labor. My dr looked at the nurse. The nurse looked at my dr (she was into natural labor and told me I knew too much about meds, my stuff, and I worried too much. She also told me I was not preeclamptic when my ob was not around. Funny how my ob and peri diagnosed me and my admitting diagnosis was mild pe. She gave me a hard time about the fiorinal too (this changed later on). You could tell she thought my induction was not necessary.) I looked at both them and said I am 3cms. I want my epidural and I am not kidding. My ob looked at the nurse and said give it to her. The pit and epidural can fight it out. A nurse anesthesiologist came in 45 mins later. LMAO. She tried 3 times to get the epidural in. She couldn't get it in. She kept hitting to the right of my spine and I would jump from the nerve she hit. Apparently, I have a small curve to my lower spine and a bony spine. I also had swelling along my lower back? So she called the Chief of Anesthesolgist. He missed too but got it the second try. He jacked it up. Love that man. I spent the day sleeping and being irritated by the stupid catheter I had to have. That thing bugged me. This epidural was different than the one I had with Kirsten. I could NOT move my legs and my tummy was so numb. Heaven. At 1230, my ob came to check me and break my water. I was a 4. Crap 4 hours and 1 cm. I told dh ummm we were done at this point with Sara. So he broke my water. That got things moving. At 2pm, they checked me and I was completely dialated. I had dialated despite her still being very high up (they said I dialated around her). So then they said we had to wait for her to come down. Now that was a wierd thing. I felt contractions physically moving her from high up under my ribs to you know where. At 2:30 they checked again and said she was still high and call them when I had pressure. At 3, I felt pressure but not alot (that was a GOOD epidural!). My ob said we could start pushing. They were taking bets on how many pushes (Sara & Kirsten came flying out at 3 pushes each). Miss Caitie did not do that because she had been so high up. Pushing was easy. Then I remembered about the lidocaine my ob used with Sara and there was no ring of fire. I told him with Sara he had done this circular thing and said he was putting numbing medicine on and it didn't hurt when she was born. He said lidocaine and I said I don't know, but you need to be doing that again as I don't want to feel the ring of fire. He laughed and started doing it. He was doing it a little at a time. The nurse took a bottle, broke off the cap, and poured it down there and said there. My ob said umm I was trying to be dainty. I told him, no time to be dainty right now. We were talking and joking through the pushing part. My ob tried his best to get us to give her his middle name for her middle name, but I told him ummmm NO. Albert doesn't work for me. Apparently, it is a family name and he doesn't even like his middle name. The nurse and my ob were just standing around for a contraction. They didn't hurt, just a bit of pressure. I would push. My ob would hold up his thumb and index finger and say I see this much of her head. They talked about how much hair she had. He would do that size thing again (COOOOOOL). Then they said she was up to her eyebrows. Then I physically felt her head rotate (didn't hurt but was the coolest thing EVER). I said is she actually moving? My ob said no, she is rotating her head and she is supposed to do that. Then she was out. Very slow controlled delivery. No tears. No stitches. Just a little skidmark my ob said. She came out with the cord wrapped around her neck twice which he undid quick. She was also came out with her hand by her face and legs crossed. She has the scrawniest butt and legs I have ever seen and has NO fat on her whatsoever. APGAR scores were 7/9. I think they gave her oxygen by blowing it. Oh and the baby nurse, was the same baby nurse I had with Sara. In fact, she came on at 3 and said OH Sabrina is mine. I remember her and know her and did her last baby!!!!!!!! LOVED HER. She came in and we were talking (my ob is probably like how does she know all these nurses, lol). She was like I remember how sick you were last time and those headaches. I was crying for you because I felt so bad for you. You had a horrible time last time. Caitlyn was born at 3:25pm. I cut the cord. My ob asked dh too but dh told my ob that was what he got paid to do. I was like me, me, me, I wanna do it. So my ob held her up and I cut her cord. The baby nurse took her right away and told me she looked excellent for 36 weeks. They worked with her for awhile. Again, I did not get her right away.I held for about 5 mins and she was whisked off to the nursery again. Her blood sugar was low when she was born so they gave her formula right away. That was about it. I had to stay in L&D for 4 hours for my epidural to wear off. I had it through pushing and everything! Best thing EVER. Because I was at risk for PPH, they kept pushing on my stomach. OWWWW. My ob made sure the uterus was clear. OWWWWW. He told me I wasn't going to like him very much and he was right. Once I got out of L&D I got moved to my room. I took a shower right away. Then went straight to the nursery. I got my baby. They did take her for the night, but I got her for a few hours. They were very careful on both of us for hemoraging (me), prematurity (her). I was actually ready to come home yesterday. The nurse told me there is no way they would allow a barely 36 week baby to go home at 24 hours. That went for me to. They wanted me under observation. I had a LOT of trouble with the night nurses not wanting to treat my headaches even though I had orders. One said I can't believe your ob ordered that and I told her to please check my record, it's there, and I want it. I had let one go to long while in labor and spent 2 hours in pain from the headache that was excruciating. No way was that going to happen again. She finally gave it to me but not happy about it. They also gave me effexor. It was to prevent ppd. However, I broke out in a rash on my hands and arms. They called my ob and he prescribed benadryl and said it was the effexor. So I now have an allergy to it. However, 2 hours later the benadryl did not kick in and I went back. To new nurses. I told them about the rash (same ones from the night before with the fiorinal). They were like so what. I said NO you don't understand. 2 hours ago this was on my arms. It is now on my face, arms, legs, stomach, everywhere. So they called my ob again after I asked them too (was itching like crazy). He prescribed a different antihistamine that did work and hydrocortisone cream. After that it was a different attitude and the nurses were great for the night. I also had vision issues earlier in the day, however, my ob said it would get worse before it was better. It would take a few days. They wanted Caitlyn to go to the nursery again for the night but I insisted I wanted her with me. She was no trouble at all and is a mellow laidback baby. She just squeaks and doesn't cry. So the nurse agreed. She came in every 2 hours to take her vitals. Plus feedings every 3 hours meant no sleep for me. Today I was going to go home at 1 however, things happened and they forgot to do my paperwork. They never gave me the birth certificate paperwork or anything. They were like OMG we thought you did that yesterday and I said umm nope. Then a woman came in by ambulance in labor. She delivered in the ER. (She thought she was having BH. Her water broke and baby was born 45 mins later!!!!!!). So I got pushed further back. They decided since I didn't get my paperwork done that I could go home after dinner (dinner is at 5pm). They said it would be better for us anyway because she was early. So we left around 5pm. Thank God. I was so bored. PCP came by to check her out and says she looks great. She has the usual preemie issues with eating, jaundice, and temps. She eats better than the girls. Her jaundice level is steady at 7. She is maintaining her temp. I told our pcp that I very glad that I kept her in 8 days longer than the peri wanted. She said she was too. She said it made a huge difference although she probably thought I was crazy for doing it. My ob said it was a good call on my part to keep her in and made all the difference. Everyone said it was an excellent decision to go ahead and deliver her at 36 weeks with a mature amnio. I don't regret doing it that way. I actually felt for once I got a say in the decision. It was nice it was a nice slow controlled delivery and not this is an emergency right now. It's much easier to recover when you are not really really sick. I do have a complaint that they did not give me antibiotics like my ob promised me. My ob had office hours and then it was too late. The labor nurse told me my strep test was negative and they don't give antibiotics just because. However, she did not know the reasoning on why my ob and I agreed to them (previous uterine infections with EVERY delivery and surgery) and the kidney stone (Two urologists recommended at delivery because of a stuck stone). I think the baby nurse that we had and this nurse talked because after the I remember your last delivery, I had no problems getting my fiorinal and what I wanted from her. She even was the one that dumped the bottle of lidocaine on me when I was pushing. So now I am worried about a uterine infection. I "think" I may have the beginnings of one. No temp, but today there has been some stomach pain when I had none and I thought I might have smelled something this afternoon but can't be sure. So I will be on the watch for it and will call my ob if it is. My back is sore from the epidural. Of course tired. Since I am allergic to effexor, no PPD med today. I am going to the pharmacy first thing tomorrow to get it. My ob came by today and started me on my endo meds (loestrin and prometrium). He said start taking it tomorrow. I asked him when I can have a hysterectomy. He said ummmmmm, I said again, I am not kidding. He said to wait till my annual to talk about it. He said my ovarian function (which feeds endo) will be decreased 70-80% by the continuous BCP and progesterone by starting meds right away after birth (waited 6 weeks with Sara and it was too late). He wants to see how this goes first. I am pretty sure I want it out. I can't live my life with horrendous periods. If he won't do it, I will go to someone who will. I am pretty sure if I am adamant about it in several months, then he will do it. I wish I could have those easy pregnancies, but we are 3 for 3 and pregnancy is no good for me. I am getting old. I am estatic that I can bend. She was sooooooo high up for so long and you don't realize it. I don't even look pregnant anymore (just overweight). I am a bit sad to never have the BFP, pregnancy, kicks to just me by myself, etc). I think I had an excellent labor and delivery. I wouldn't change what I had. I don't think it could have gone better and was a very happy ending. I also can't go through the risks of MC, PE, and everything else again. DONE. But like I said it's bittersweet to have that stage over with. I keep focusing on I can bend, I am not puking, and we are all healthy.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

What's worse, knowing what is coming or not knowing?

That's the question. At least when you don't know what is coming, you can process it later. When you know and why they are doing what they are doing, that's hard. I have probably read as much as I can about pe over the last 10 years. Advised hundreds of women who were in a situation just like me to get thy butt to the hospital. I have been researching what my peri said about reflexes. This is not good. It means my central nervous system is definitely involved. Another thing that I didn't realize was the twitching of muscles lately, there is a name for it and it is called clonus. This is very very bad. My peri is right, I am very high risk for a seizure. That has been going on for about a week. I have my regular ob appt on Tuesday. I had high hopes of making it to my peri appt on Thursday. I don't think I will be making it to that appt. Not with the CNS involved.

The worst part is I know what this all means....... Mag. In fact, I don't even feel comfortable not having it now. I also never knew that reflexes were a bigger indictator of pe than protein. Hah, who knew that. I came across a journal article that said that. That is why my peri freaked on Thursday.

I think knowing what will be coming is worse. At least when you don't know you just get scared. To know, that is different.

And PE Hits Again.....

How can someone be so unlucky to have it not once, not twice, but three times? I "almost" got delivered Thursday but talked my peri out of it. She was not happy. She wanted to take the baby if her lungs were mature. I have had a headache since 1/2. I started having blurry vision, stars, and black squigglies in my vision then too. Bps are up and down. Not too awful yet. Protein was 168 two weeks ago (just did another 24 hour catch that was turned in today). However, bp was high in peri's office 134/91. My reflexes were very brisk. I should have noticed that one. I noticed my reflexes being jumpy about a week ago. Because of everything she said I am mildly preeclamptic. She said I was very high risk for a seizure. She made me promise to call my ob if ANYTHING changed. Basically take care of baby stuff this weekend and come with a bag. If I make it past my ob appt on Tuesday (which she seemed doubtful on), then my appt with her will most likely be converted to an amnio. Fabulous. I'm hoping to make it to my appt with her.

Dh is driving me crazy with calling all the time to see if I am ok. He even offered his mother to babysit me to make sure I didn't have a seizure. Uh no thanks. Even the threat of seizures will not let me stay with her. I went to turn in my urine this morning and there was a code blue in the lab. So I got delayed because breathing takes precedence over blood and urine. He got mad because I didn't have my cell on. What if you had a seizure? I assure you I would probably be not the person calling. Then in the next breath, he says he'll be glad when I am delivered. Not because of the health risks involved. So I can stop making excuses being on bedrest. Whatever. I want to smack him right now. He can't have his cake and eat it too. As for me, I am just hanging out waiting to my Tuesday appt. My peri said that my ob and I will be talking at that appt. I just wanted a couple more days for her. I wanted to get to 35 weeks and I did that. So I am ok (well I am not but do I have a choice?) with delivering now. This way I can stay in my hospital with my drs. Since I have central nervous system involvement with the brisk reflexes, I most assuredly will be magged. My favorite drug.

Well that's my update. 35 weeks. Getting ready to deliver another preemie again.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

33 weeks! HAPPY NEW YEAR

Yes Happy New Year!!!

This week has been hard emotionally because it hit me all of a sudden that OMG I could be having a baby in 2 weeks. So far things are stable. My peri even said something about using her new US machines on me after they are installed on the 12th. Which makes me think she thinks I may get further this time. I have been sad that this will be our last baby. It makes me sad that I really don't get to make that decision. For my health, it would be wise to go ahead with the hysterectomy probably in a year. I am terrified of what the future will bring. I do know the obsessive worrying of HCG numbers, progesterone levels, MC, bp issues, PE are things I don't want to worry about ever again. To think I would actually get to use my leave for actual vacations instead of bedrest/maternity leave is quite exciting. I am never able to build my leave because for 10 years, we have been having babies. We can actually go on long vacations now!

I do want to keep her in as long as possible. I am daresaying dreaming of 38 weeks. I think I am ok with 38 weeks. I want her to come on 2/1 just so she can say superbowl baby and to also have a baby in the same month as my due date. Not sure what my drs are planning. I think they are planning to cut it out at 37 weeks.

I am terribly worried about after delivery and the endometriosis. I plan to discuss that with my ob in the next week. I hope to start the BCP regimen as soon as I can. I worry it will screw up my system. We can not let any of the lesions get active. Since we know it is there. We need to suppress it till I can have a hysterectomy. It does make me sad to do something permanent. I can NOT go through endo like I have the last couple of years.

So I had my ob and peri appts this week. Baby's HB looked good. I got a birth plan to fill out. The last time I did a birth plan, I was scared to fill it out with MY wishes because I thought I would be on mag and unable to do all the things I wanted. This time, I filled it out with everything I wanted. I figure they will tell me if I can't do something. I even asked to cut the umbilical cord since dh refuses to do that because he is so sqeamish. I asked to touch her hair as she is crowning - peri and sono tech tell me she has TONS of hair (how exciting the girls were bald). I asked to get her right away and for the first 4 hours. Depending on when she is born, I may not get her for 4 hours. I desparately want to get to 37 weeks + this time.

Anyway, everything looked good at both. My ob and I discussed preventing PPD next time. I wanted to start something now to prevent it. He recommended starting something the day of delivery. He recommends Effexor. I have read it works super fast but is hard to get off of. So I am going to ask him about that at my next appt. I also want to go over preventing infection and post partum hemmorage. I want antibiotics at delivery to prevent infection that I am sure to get. 2 out of 2 for deliveries I had a uterine infection. The only time I didn't get an infection with the laps was when I had antibiotics. I am terrified of hemmoraging again. I will never forget the gushing and lifting up the sheets and seeing ALL that blood. I was totally freaked. Dh was totally freaked. The nurses were cool as cucumbers. I got cleaned up quick and was given extra fluids and pit. Of course I am worried about pe. He told me he would not use mag unless he had to, meaning spilling lots of protein, symptoms, high bp. That still makes me nervous as this pregnancy is following scarily the way Kirsten did. It hit all of a sudden with her. I did not feel good having 168 in my urine catch. It was actually probably higher than that though as I cheated and did not want to have to redo the catch. I missed two early morning urine catches as Sara decided to stay up all night and in my tiredness forgot to use a hat.

My ob said he'll run another one in a couple of weeks unless I become symptomatic. Then one gets run asap. I'm still on bedrest which sucks. I have been trying to follow it. There is so much to do. I am waiting for my bp to take off. I have noticed it is fluctuating. Not good.

Right now I am pretty comfortable and wanting to keep her in forever. Ask me how I feel in a couple of weeks. Baby's estimated weight is 5lbs.