So it's really true!

Yes, it's official. I am so pregnant, lol. Had my first appt with the dr's office today. I had to have my first appt with a midwife. I asked her if she was running away screaming yet? She kind of laughed. Went over my history. 1st baby 36 weeks, severe pe. 2nd baby - 35 weeks 5 days, severe pih. The nurse asked me how many tests I had taken. Ummm about 20. She laughed. She said she always ask how many tests. They gave me some magazines that had cool pics of babies at each stage. Nausea started this morning. Not too bad yet. PLEASE GOD DON'T LET IT BE AS BAD AS IT WAS WITH S. IT WAS AWFUL. I officially got put into the high risk pool. I asked when I would be seeing the peri and she said between 14 -16 weeks. So I will start seeing her much earlier than the 26 weeks that I did with S. I can stay on Ziac for now. I am to start baby aspirin. ICK. Take vitamins and folic acid. She ran a pih panel along with an OB panel. I had the best lab tech. I didn't even feel the pin prick. She was so good. I asked her what her schedule was and she actually told me. So I told her be seeing you next month! The only bummer was that the midwife asked me if this was my last. Two, what was I doing permanently?? Ok, let's get past healthy baby and mom first. I know it is my reality. It just bums me out the same. I explained I would be having a hysterectomy. That Dr H and Dr E had suggested it. That Dr H had actually said it wasn't a question that my uterus needs to come out. The question was whether I get to keep my ovaries. She ok'd the steroid shot for my knee. However, she will be discussing with Dr. E tomorrow. Take and monitor my bp once a day, but don't go crazy with it. BP was high for me at 124/88. However, not too terrible and hopefully this time I will get the 2nd trimester dip. I also got the standard answers to common questions, when to call, blah blah blah. So my next appt is 1/18. I get to have the full exam. ICK ICK ICK. They cancelled my annual exam appt on Feb 15th because that will be taken care of on the 18th. So I am off to the races. Things are ok at this point. My first appt with S and K my bp was already high like 150-160/100-105 without meds. So I will take the 124/88. Oh and I also did a urine dip/culture. BLAHHHHHH. All in all a pretty good start.

spotting, ugh

Well I was 5 weeks yesterday and my first appt is next Wednesday. Last night I started having some really light pink spotting. It could be normal or a sign of bad things to come. I think it is normal for now. I did way way too much yesterday. We held a GI party. You know, when everyone in the house pitches together to clean. I cleaned the whole upstairs. DH worked on the downstairs. He will finish the downstairs tomorrow after he takes S to daycare. A 2 year old makes it really hard to clean if you kwim.

Last night I noticed really light pink spotting. It could be implantation bleeding, me overdoing it, a lot of things. So I have been taking it really easy today and have had my feet up all day. It hasn't gotten any worse.

We are getting ready for Christmas. The girls are so excited, especially S. She is totally into the Santa thing this year. As far as telling everyone, we are thinking around Feb around Valentines day. I'll be 12 weeks Valentine week. Friends will be thrilled. Inlaws will not be. Oh well, their loss. Dh and I are actually dreading telling the inlaws. I mean, who wants to hear something that you consider wonderful and a miracle and have someone rain on your parade. I don't think we will get past hiding it past 12 weeks. I am already popping out some or maybe it's in my head. I did just win some maternity jeans and shorts off Ebay for $23. WHOO HOO. I found a bunch of stretchy knit pants. I have a lot of "big" shirts, lol. Anyway, I thought up a good response for the inlaws. Um the correct way to respond would be congratulations. However, since you seem to think that you have a right to inquire on this which you don't, the answer would be to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. We had to tell a little white lie because K is out of school this week. We don't want her to know yet. So we needed someone to watch her at that appt. So we told mil that I needed to see the endo specialist in Rochester. She knows I am not allowed to drive after those shots. So it was a good thing, ha ha ha ha.

The next step would be telling my boss. YIKES.

Update

Well I think I have taken about 20 tests and they are ALL positive. Still in shock that it worked the first time. Called the dr's office on Thursday and got a newbie at reception. She was reading off a little paper cause I requested an appt with my dr. She said oh it says according to the paper here that Dr. E doesn't see patients for first prenatals. GRRRR. You have to see the nurse practioner. She said let me get you set up with K. I said umm, no. I don't know her, can I see P.? She got off the phone for a few minutes, I presume to ask. She came back and said no problem. So I am set up for 12/26 at 2pm. I then asked will I get to see my dr after that? She said oh yeah, he just doesn't do first prenatals. Whatever. At least P knows me and knows I am high risk. She was there assisting the night I had S.

I saw the pcp today. I love her and the office. My girls love her too. S has a sinus infection and bronchitis. Wonderful. I have a sinus infection and pleursy. WHAT?? So then I told her whatever she prescribes has to be ok for pregnancy as I am 4 weeks pregnant. She said Congratulations, then she immediately asked me if I was getting a tubal after this one! I know she cares about my well being and that is why she asked. At least that is what I hope.

I told her I had been advised by both drs to dump the uterus after the baby is born. In fact, Dr H said it wasn't a question about the uterus going, but whether or not I get to keep my ovaries. OHHH, good. :< Hmmmm. She prescribed 875mg of amoxicillian 3 times a day. She wants to knock it out. She is hoping to prevent pnuemonia. Ugggh. I have the best luck don't I?

We are not planning on telling family and friends till 12 weeks at least. I have no idea how I will announce to the family. I think they will all be awful about it. I think the best response will be to take the higher road and state, the correct answer would be congratulations. Anything else said is none of your business and inappropriate. Keep it simple. Eventually they will come around, but they are not going to like this at all. However, they don't live our lives, pay our bills, and take care of our kiddos. So they don't get a voice in it. Funny how they think they get a say. My mil thinks this is ok. She doesn't say anything to sil and bil about their choices. So I need to get that changed.

I have a zillion questions for when I do finally get to see my dr.

Shhhhhh, I have a secret.....

Yes, that's right. I have a BIG secret. I took a pregnancy test today. It is only 11 dpo. I took the first one at 3 am when I had to get up to pee. It looked negative, so I put it on the counter and went back to bed. Then before I left work at 5am, I looked at the 3am test. There was a faint line. WHAT?? So, I took another one. It had a faint line within the allotted time. OMG, it worked on the first try. Who knew I was such a fertile myrtle. I really assumed that the endo had destroyed my ovaries and stuff because of the scarring that has been noted on the op reports. I came home from work. Took another test. A bit darker and definitely a line. Still faint, but you can clearly see the second line. OMG. I didn't freak out. I didn't get sick or upset. I was actually very happy and excited. Who knew the chances of it happening on the first try AGAIN.

I am going to call my dr's office tomorrow and schedule an appt. I'll have to do it on my way home from work. There are still some nurses that remember me from the last time he he. In fact, one of them told me I was crazy for ever considering this again.

I don't plan to tell anyone in real life till I am past 12 weeks. Told dh tonight and he was excited and estatic. I can't get him to keep his mouth shut. He wants to shout it from the rooftops!

Of course I have a ton of questions for my doc. I need to cancel with the endo specialist for the 28th. YEAHHHHHHHH!

And so the wait begins!

I am officially in the 2 week wait. OMG. I can't believe it. I really felt like I was going to be sick when I realized that now is the time. I used opks and got a positive and told my dh now is the time. He has mixed feelings. He doesn't want to see me get sick at all. I told him we can't live our life in fear of the unknown. All we can do is be vigilant, run the blood and urine tests, do the ultrasounds and make sure that I am watched like a hawk. My drs will do that for me. Hopefully we will know if we were successful between th 13th and 15th. Keep your fingers crossed.

Oh and pray that we get through the Hannah Montana concert. I am taking my 8 year old daughter along with 5 of her closest friends (all 8 years old) and their moms to the concert. It should be a blast!!! Dh elected to stay with S at home instead of escorting 6 8 year olds, lol.

Thanksgiving

Well we went to my aunt and uncle's house in PA out in the freaking boonies. The girls were great during the ride there and back. DH did not charge the dvd player. So no tv. They survived. S managed to entertain herself by drawing on the windows with her foot. Yes, she was very much strapped in to her carseat. She is just that limber. K slept most of the time or tried to antagonize her sister. Me, well I have a severe sinus infection. It sucks. I get them quite frequently in the winter. I went anyway to my aunt's house. It was so nice because I am from the south and I miss hearing the "southernisms". My uncle is a fabulous cook. The thing is my dh likes my aunt and uncle much better than his own family. So he really enjoys the trip to see them too!

We didn't stay the night as I am a major Black Friday shop a holic. Even while sick as a dog I went out. I was at Penneys at 4am. I had everything done by 12 noon. I only need to buy a gift card for my sister and a Smart Jump Trampoline for S. That will really contain her energy as that child loves to jump. I swear she has Tigger blood in her. Anyway, slept all afternoon and night yesterday and slept all day today. This was not getting any better. I was getting worse, running fevers. I KNOW I needed to get on an antibiotic today and some prednisone. Called the hospital to see if my dr is on call. No. Damn. I figured that another dr that doesn't know me from a hill of beans would not call an antibiotic and prednisone for me. So off to the ER and Fast track I went. I hate hate hate going to the ER. It was ok this time though as one of K's friend's dad was the PA (B) that treated me. He just came in and said S what kinda drugs you need. I said whatever yo will give me. He said JUST KIDDING. No, we went over what my dr normally does (it sucks that she has been closed since Wednesday!). He ordered it up for me. Ten days of Omnicef and 5 days of prednisone (high dose at that). After a dose of prednisone, I am feeling a tiny bit better. The prednisone was only $1.79 on the Walmart drug list. YEAH. Omnicef was $35.00. OWWW. Hopefully I can start to feeling better to go to work on Monday. Oh yeah and B said that if I had waited till Monday it would have been really really bad as it was already bad when I came in today. The Tylenol severe sinus was doing its job with keeping the fever down when I checked in, however, by the time B saw me, I had started to run a fever again. It was only 3 hours after taking it too. So he told me to go ahead and take another dose when I got home.

I think I will ovulate on Wednesday. I started taking ovulation predictor tests yesterday. Negative yesterday and today. I really think last month when I tested on a lark that I caught the end of the ovulation because there was a second line and it was almost as dark if not as dark as the control line. So at least I know there is ovulation.

Well off to bed soon.

Cycle day 1

Well we are now officially ttc! Today is cycle day 1. I am absolutely shocked that after coming off the BCP (which was taken for endo, irregular periods, constant bleeding), I went straight into a completely freaking normal cycle!!! No bleeding in between whatsoever. WTH? Hopefully since AF arrived as scheduled that ovulation will too. I have 35 ovulation test strips just to make sure and 9 pregnancy sticks. If this period follows like before S, then it will last 6-7 days. Ovulation should occur in about 13 days for me. YEAH. I kind of feel sick about getting pregnant again and the what ifs go through my head. I am desparately worried that something bad will happen. However, I have excellent drs. Between my pcp, obgyn, and peri, I am in great hands. Something new is that I will start pregnancy off with good bp on bp meds. So maybe that will give my placenta a chance.

The thing is my time is limited. The endo specialist has said you need to get pregnant and get pregnant immediately OR have a hysterectomy. Two docs have now recommended that. So guess how easy that decision is. I worry about work. I don't have a ton of leave. I have enough with a disability program to make it last a while. Basically about 3 months. I am going to get a note for the first trimester from my pcp restricting me traveling period. I travel a lot for my job, but I want to be close to home. With S, I was on a business trip for two weeks between 6-8 weeks and had two separate episodes of bleeding. The first time I tried to take it easy and it went away after a day. A week later, I had been taking it easy staying in bed and it had been a couple of days of bleeding. Since I was out of state, I called the 24 hr nurse line and she authorized me to go to the nearest ER. They determined I had a posterior fibroid (that is now suspected adenomyosis) that was close to the cervix causing the bleeding. The ER dr wanted to admit me for observation, but I begged him to go back to the hotel. I could not miss any part of a class I was taking and missing even an hour is cause to fail you. I had waited a year for this class. He let me go home on the condition that I did no lifting, walking, stair climbing. Go to class and put my feet up the entire time. Drink plenty of fluids. Go to bed and order food in when out of class. I could NOT wait to get on a plane to go home. So because I travel on day trips and for business trips frequently, I am getting a note stating no trips period outside of my work area. I feel pretty confident she will write it. I would ask from my ob and I probably will ask him to write one too. However, my boss knows which dr is my ob. She would suspect pregnancy. I don't want anyone to know until I HAVE to tell. They gave me such a hard time last time. I hated that.

I am also going to make use of the work from home program. My boss hates it. I did it successfully for 2 1/2 years before transferring into my current position (same office). I think she may be more open to it. It helps that not a single pregnant woman within my agency has been turned down for it which sets precedence. When discussing it, she has mentioned that she hates it but for me may let me do it. In fact, my work makes fun of a computer program that we used to upload stuff to the internet. I am the only one that knows the ins and outs of it. For some reason, I really like using it. Everyone else hates it. They can't figure it out without me standing on top of them instructing them. So they have been saying yeah when she gets pregnant (I have made no secret of my desire of another one, just when is the question), they say I can do bedXXXX. Get it, bedrest. So they took bed as the first part and then the last part of the program. I also am a manager of another program. I am the only one in my agency who has access to this program and runs it. No one else knows how. The best part of it is that 90% of it can be done from any internet location. I am going to have to work on a proposal for her so that I can get that approved. It will mean doing some of the crappy jobs, but hey I would be doing it from home, so how crappy would it really be? I have to show how it will benefit her. I bought a printer awhile ago that does, copying, scanning, faxing, printing. I set up wireless as well. My printer and laptop are wireless as well. She let me work from home on OT this summer. So, I think I can get her to be on my side, I just have to figure out how I can make it look really really good for her. I do know that when I tell that I am pregnant, I am going to take her aside and say that I still want to be a productive person and willing to do whatever. She won't be able to get away with me taking several months off because of that one program I do that no one else knows how to do. So I would be willing to work part-time on that, if she would be willing to allow me to telework if I need to go on bedrest. She is getting to retire Jan 1st 2009, so maybe since she is leaving, she may have a bit of softening to her.

My boss knows about my gyn issues. She has had some as well (endo - she completely understood me taking time off for this and shoved me out the door when I was in to much pain to work, uterine cancer, etc). She also knows my time is limited. I have not mentioned to her that I was told to get pregnant and as quick as possible from 2 drs. I did tell her about the hysterectomy options. I kind of wanted to know what that was like from someone that had one. I hope that maybe she will see it as it was get pregnant now or have hysterectomy too and maybe will have her a bit more sympathetic than she was last time. I do know that she and the assistant chief are going to be pissed about negotations as I have gained a reputation as a good negotiator. I had contractors calling a couple of weeks ago because I stepped in for a coworkers negotiations. She was out of town and I stepped in. Apparently, the contractors and our project team were stunned with it. I was shocked when I heard about it. For once everyone was applauding for me being a ball buster as they put it. The contractor was trying to pull one over on us and I called them on it and then told them how the situation was going to be resolved. So the the contractor's president called the acting chief and asked how our negotiations process worked with the different negotiators? Then he asked if I was going to be on any other negotiations. LMAO when he told me. I guess that impressed the heck out of my bosses. Contractor was not happy that I would be in on future negotiations. Wait till they find out that I have been assigned as the negotiator for their new $50 million dollar project. He he he he. After these knuckleheads called, the assistant chief came over to tell me of the conversation. He said since I was such a ball buster with them that he wanted me to oversee the negotiations on their new project. He needed someone that would make the contractor tow the line and keep costs in line and the project team in line. Before, we had someone in there that basically slept through negotiations. Ever since then the assistant chief has been assigning me the tough negotiations. However, my boss (the chief) has caught wind of this and is making him start to reassign work to the other girl because she needs the experience (she has to stay awake first!). So I do bring something to the table. Oh and I have project teams wanting me on their negotiations because of what they saw in that one. I can be fair and stuff, but when I see you intentionally screwing around with us, I will not let you get away with it. This contractor put something along the lines of his proposal that the costs were too much work to document, so he was just going to charge it to us. My response when questioning them and finding this out was if it is too much to document, then it is too much work for us to pay it. Document the expenses or you don't get paid. The project manager was going to LET THEM get away with it. He started with umm, we might have a problem with this line item. WHAT? No on something like this you tell them straight. At that point I took over the negotiations (the only reason I let him lead was because I was sitting in. The new project I will lead all negotiations period. Project managers do not lead my negotiations. They are there for technical advice only) and said no it's not might, we DO have a problem with this line item. Then I finished it up with the above. The contractor was so caught off guard he had no idea what to say. Pretty much people had been letting them do what they want. So wait till they get a taste of it on the new contract. They will be justifying each and every expense. I was astounded at how much they were getting away with. Where were the people who should have been opening their mouths about this? So anyway, got off the subject here.

Pain has been very bad for the last couple of days and today. At least AF is here now and Iknow that eventually there will be an end for this in a couple of days. God willing, I won't have to do it again for 9 months. I think I may throw up when I get the BFP. I mean at least this time I have a slew of specialists. It's just I can't help it. I know when I call the OBGYN's office and say hi I would like to make an appt with Dr. E. Are you a current patient? Yes. What is the appt for? Pregnancy. Then I know I will be the talk of the office. No one that was there when I was pregnant has forgotten me. My file for me being there for the last 3 1/2 years (it does include my prior records) is TWO INCHES thick!!!

The good news I can look forward to 4d US, my hospital just got this. I think a high risk pe pregnancy would warrant one of these! My peri has a Starbucks next door to her!!!!!

Another appt with the specialist

Hmm, not sure what to make of it. Anyway, had an appt with the endo specialist today for trigger point injections. Can I say OWWWWWW. Ok, NO ONE warned me about a big needle and an enormous syringe! All I could think was hey I have been through much worse. He asked me where dh was and I said I told him to wait in the waiting room cause he would freak when he saw those needles. The dr said that he has asked dh's if they are ok with needles only to faint on the floor, so it was good that dh chose to sit this one out, lol. I told him I got over my fear of needles by desensitizing myself when I had pe. When they come and poke you every hour for mag levels and platelets, and liver enzymes, you get over that needle fear quick. It's funny how bad I used to be. I used to pass out at the sight of them and I am a champ at them now.

He injected the first one and I let out a yelp. He said hey don't yell, you'll scare all my other patients away. Then he says just kidding! You did great. Most of my patients freak out and scream when they have the first one done. Seeing you didn't know what to expect, you really did great. I said well my pcp says I have a high pain tolerance, but I don't believe her. She said that because of my knee being torn up for so long and me saying well it hurts. She said most people would have been bawling their eyes out. My ortho said the same thing when he saw me walking without crutches a week after major knee surgery. I still don't believe them and think I am the biggest wimp I know. My endo specialist agreed with my pcp and ortho. We did the next two shots. They hurt but not as bad as the first one. He said if the pain stays away for more than 24 hours, it is myofascial pain. More trigger shots and PT will help fix it. If it lasts less than 24 hours, then it is endo and I should get pregnant immediately.

Hmm, last time he told me it wasn't a good idea. This time he is telling me that it is the best idea. Oh and he recommends hysterectomy after the baby is born. He said I should wait and put some time between delivering and having it done 4-6months because it is major surgery. However, he says that is for me and the surgeon to discuss. He said I can stay close to home and have my obgyn do it. Or he can do it and do it laproscopically. I don't know who should do it. He told me that my current obgyn is more than qualified. It would definitely be covered under insurance. I don't think he would get the endo out. Plus I have the little issue where he failed to tell me about the scarring on the operative report. If the specialist does it, it is out of network. I will probably have to pay alot. I am sure my insurance company will deny a hysterectomy out of network when there are tons of docs to do it. He said the biggest issue that I face because I am so young (who thought 33/34 would be so young??) is whether to keep the ovaries. If I keep the ovaries, it can feed the endo and make it worse. So only half the problem is solved. If I get rid of the ovaries, then I will go immediately into menopause. He said I would have to be on HRT therapy till I am 50!!!! Can I just get rid of one of my ovaries? Preferably the right one please. How about half ovarian function? Does it even work that way? He said I have an awful lot to think about and decide on. However there is time to do this. I never ever thought in a million years that I would be getting a hysterectomy. However, it needs to go after the next baby.

What I would really like to do is go to Oregon and see Dr. Redwine and Dr. Mosbrucker. Maybe after the hysterectomy and maybe for a lap. Any obgyn can do the hysterectomy. But not any surgeon can do a lap for endo. Even though I know it is right and what needs to be done and say I want this done. I think I may not be as emotionally prepared for it. I mean I have what a year to prepare? Some reason I think I am going to be devestated emotionally by it. I wish that I could reach out to other young women that have done this at my age. I don't even know why I will be upset. I just know that I will be. It just doesn't seem right to have all those problems pregnant and then this too. I think I am going to do some more research.

So how did the trigger shots work? They worked fabulous for two areas. However, the one area (the first one he hit) HURTS LIKE HELL right now. After the anesthetic wore off after about 4 hours, it hurt worse. So that one spot is endo. Right now I am still scheduled at the end of December for another round. Oh and the pregnant thing, waiting for the next round which should be in about 2 weeks. Pray we catch the egg!

USC Beach Fire Victims

Please keep the families of the 7 students that died in the beach house fire from the University of SC and Clemson in your thoughts. It's a terrible tragedy. Anyone that knows me in real life knows that the University of SC is near and dear to me. I am an alumna of USC and can remember many times when friends and I would take off for a weekend at the beach. Something that has happened millions of times with millions of USC and Clemson students turned tragic for these students. To read the story, click this link - http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/10/28/beach.fire/index.html

While USC and Clemson have over a hundred years of rivalry between them, it has warmed my heart to see how both universities have come together in this tragedy. I really liked that there were 6 garnet wreaths in front of the Russell House and in the center was the lone purple and orange one for the Clemson student. Both universities are holding memorial services for all the students lost. We might fight like crazy in our rivalries, however, when it comes to it South Carolinians stick together.

The families, survivors, and the universities communities have a long road ahead.

Big chicken and high bp

Ok ok ok, my pcp was right. Aldomet totally did not work. I went up to like 160/110!!!!! HOLY CRAP. I tried adding a 3rd dose in and it didn't work. I tried adding a 4th dose in and that didn't work. I tried doubling the dose and that didn't work. So then I didn't take it all. SAME EXACT FREAKING PRESSURES. It was as if I had been taking a sugar pill. After about a month of this, I went back to my pcp. It was 152/104. She said that those pressures are completely unacceptable. We discussed several different meds (atenol, labetalol, procardia). All are class c meds. So she said since they are all class c meds. We know that procardia doesn't work for you and gives you bad headaches. If we have to pick a class c med to go with, pick one that works. So I blissfully am back on the Ziac. She is going to call my obgyn yesterday or today and talk with him and let know she changed me back. I did research and couldn't find any adverse information on Ziac and pregnancy. We discussed the possibility of IUGR. But my girls had enormous placentas. So we think that with careful watching we may be ok. One thing wierd she asked me was did I ever see the nurse practioners over there and I said never. She said never? I said no, I always see Dr. E. I never ever see the nurse practioners. Told her when I was pregnant they could not see me and did not want to see me. So I always see the dr. She said hmmm. Ok. I think in the 3 years I have been going there, I saw midwives/nurse practioners 4 times (this includes a high risk pregnancy and the aftermath of endometriosis). I saw the midwife at 5 weeks and 9 weeks when I started there. They transferred me to Dr. E. Then I saw a midwife at 17 weeks and 32 weeks when he was on vacation or at a conference. I saw Dr. E every two weeks from 10 weeks to 26 weeks. Then I saw him every week from 26 weeks to 35 weeks when I delivered. I also saw him at 2 weeks, 4 weeks and 6 weeks, 3 mos post partum. Then I was in the office every couple of months for the endometriosis and the then I saw him several times for both laps. So not sure why she thought I would be seeing the nurse practioners??? I have never spoken about seeing the nurse practioners, only the doc. He's the one that I am comfortable with (well as comfortable as you can get for obgyn). Hmmm wierd.

It was very disheartening that the Aldomet didn't work. However, I knew it wouldn't. She said that her own obgyn said ziac was ok. Makes me realize that drs are human too. Sometimes I forget that. She said that when she forgets to take the ziac that it makes her feel like crap so she could only imagine how the Aldomet had been making me feel . I feel much better knowing that my bp is back under control. This will give the placenta the best possible chance.

I'm just going to stay on it until my obgyn says different. Then we'll have to discuss it. As far as the rest of the stuff. I stopped Loestrin on Thursday night last week. Lots of pain over the weekend. Slept on a heating pad all weekend. Took lortab and motrin. ugh. Af started on Monday. Very surprised that it has been light. It was always very heavy. I hope it ends soon. We decided to wait till next month to try. If I go by this, ovulation would be halloween weekend. Well I already have one baby's birthday in June. Figuring 35-36 week delivery. So we are trying for an August baby. We'll skip this month. Gives me a chance to figure out where the heck my cycle is. Pray that it works!

Not a lot of news. ..

Well today was a bad week. I had so much pain over the weekend from just an exam! I get so irritated with health care blogs and ER nurses and DRs talk about people that come in (people with endo) just seeking drugs. I don't get it. I never got a high off of it. In fact they make want to puke and I have to take reglan with it. However, Tuesday morning I broke through on the Loestrin. By that afternoon, I swear I felt like I was in labor again. I actually had to breathe through the waves of pain. Paying attention to it. I think the specialist is right and I do have adenomyosis. Thankfully, I had some pain medication and used it. It worked well enough so I could function and not feel like I was in labor. The bleeding ended on Wedsnesday. I was going to finish the loestrin tonight, but dh will be gone when I am predicted to ovulate if everything goes perfectly. So I am delaying it by 4 days, so he can be here. Keep your fingers crossed that I don't "O" early! Other news, I bought 40 ovulation predictor and 10 early pregnancy tests yesterday. It's becoming a reality.

On one hand I want to run away screaming and on the other hand I want to take the bull by the horns and hit it head on. I am very disappointed with the aldomet. It just isn't working. It's like taking a sugar pill. My bp has gone up from 105-115/60-75 to 135-150/110!!!!!! Way too high. I even added a third dose of it. It didn't work at all. I tried going without for two days, no change in the bp. So next week I am going to put in a call to my pcp. I am hoping she will call my obgyn and let him know it isn't working. I would feel much better knowing that I had a lower bp on ziac than to let it go this high. I'm just not comfortable with it.

The refinance is going very very slowly. I am kind of po'd with the mortgage officer. I shouldn't have to call him a million times to get things done. He has only called me back ONCE when he said he was going to. I know he is busy but so am I. In addition, I told him to lock in the rate TWO WEEKS ago. He didn't and says he doesn't recall that conversation. Plus he put in that our discover card should be paid off with the refinance. He said that with a cash out refinance, that we could go to Hawaii on that money. Well that was not exactly true. One, the lawyer gets to send a check to the creditors, fine. Two, I wanted our home improvement loan and a different card with a high interest rate consolidated into the loan. So far I got the closer to agree to changing what was going to be paid off. I was so po'd when I found that out because I had asked him specifically about that. In addition, when I filled out the paperwork, I indicated I had a retirement account. However, I never had put a balance for it. Truth is, I have no idea what the balance is. However, my paystub shows the balance of what I have paid into it. Then it shows what my employer has paid into it. We don't get statements because it is self funded. It is tracked on our paychecks. Well he added those together and put it on our application! Then the bank wanted to see statements. Well we don't get statements. Supposedly they were going to accept this. If I didn't have money and so much time invested into it already I would yank it back. It's too late now. I just want to close it as soon as possible. So I have to call the bank AGAIN on Monday and find out if the retirement is ok. See if they will release what was needed for approval and give us final approval. Once that is done we can close. It will take the bank three days to close. Then we have to wait another FOUR days to fund. This should not have taken this long to do. They have been given everything the next day. I want to close as quickly as we can as fast as possible. If we close by Friday I'll be elated. I was led to believe we would have closed already. The paperwork to remove the commitment stuff and to give final approval has been with the underwriter since TUESDAY. Come on, examine, look at it, and move on!!!!!

The lawyer is still getting their stuff but assures me it will be completed by Monday or Tuesday.

Ok, so enough about that for now. The good thing is I have already received a request for how my experience has been. I plan to tell them ALL about it!

Now for a funny with my adorable 2 year old, S. She still loves her binky. I am not inclined to make her give it up when she just turned 2. I tried to take it away from her and she tried sucking on her fingers. Last night, I grabbed a beloved binky from the silverware drawer and noticed it had a small hole. This can not be good. I thought well I don't want to hunt one down, let's see if she takes it.

So we go upstairs and I go to rock her. As we are rocking, S says mama binky BROKE. I said your binky is broke? Yes S binky broke. Do you want mama to take it? No S NEEDS binky! How did your binky get broke. As plain as day, S says MAMA DID IT. Ahhhhhh. I lost it after that. It was hysterical. Yes this child of mine is as stubborn as I am. She went to sleep sucking on a broken binky. Any ideas????

Appt with the endometriosis/pelvic pain specialist

Well he was just full of all kinds of news for me. Some of it good, some of it bad. First the office staff were very nice. The offices were well decorated and clean. I like that. I hate going to an office that isn't clean. That is a reason for me to change. If you can't put some money into making your office space and exam rooms clean and comfortable, I don't want to be your patient. They saw me fairly quickly. The dr came in quick. He seemed nice. Spoke very quietly and calmly. Those kind of voices drive me crazy because I am a pretty loud person. I can't be quiet. It would be difficult for me to speak in a quiet voice.

My obgyn told me that my lap was negative and that he didn't see anything. Well I got the operative report and it says something very different. I am very upset with my ob for not telling me this information. I'll have to make sure that when I am pregnant that I follow up on all of my lab tests and stuff carefully. Anyway, my lap operative report stated that he saw some old scarring lateral to the adexna bilaterally most likely due to old endometriosis. This is a big change from my last lap in October 06 when he told me he saw thin filmy adhesions on the left adexna that he took down. He saw NO endometriosis at that point.

Specialist's take. I have endometriosis and possibly adenomyosis based on the lap operative reports and signs and symptoms. Like 99% sure. He said that 90% of adhesions that someone has that are for no reason are due to endometriosis. The fact that my obgyn put in the operative report that he saw scarring seals it. He said I am treating you for endometriosis. This is what it is. He asked me about the prometrium that I am on. I was told it was for breakthrough bleeding and pain. The specialist said it was counterproductive for breakthrough bleeding so that didn't sound correct. However, if my obgyn put me on it for endometriosis it was an excellent decison. ????? I told him that I intend to get pregnant within the next couple of months. He of course said it was a very bad idea. In fact, he gave me a 100% chance of having pre-eclampsia and said maybe we'll probably be seeing you at XXXXXX (meaning our local Children's hospital/NICU). He kept reiterating it was a bad idea. Yeah, been told that before. I don't believe my chances for pe are 100%. They are more likely 25-50% based on the research I have done. I do believe that my chance for PIH is 100%. My chance for bedrest is 100%. To have full blown PE, it is not 100%. He said I was 2 for 2. Great doc. Thanks. However, I see him for endometriosis.

The exam was pretty embarassing. No GOWN. WTH? I had to undress from the waist down (If I had known there would be no gown, I would have worn a really long shirt!). First he checked for a hernia. None found. Then he had me bend in all kinds of directions. Then I had to lay down and he felt my stomach while lifting my leg. That is where he found it. Apparently, I have two myofascial trigger pain points. Which is another indication of endometriosis. He marked my stomach with a marker for the trigger points. Then he did a pelvic exam. He checked my bladder, no pain. He checked the left ovary. No pain. He hit those two areas on the right, and BAM pain. In fact, my appt was Friday and I hurt all day Friday and all day on Saturday from it!!!! So the option for now because I want to get pregnant is to inject a local anesthetic into those trigger points. However, I couldn't get it done that day because I didn't have someone drive me (I wish they had told me this!). He said there was a risk of a vaso something reaction (BP bottoms out, etc). So I have an appt on Nov 12th for this. Another thing that he wanted to do but can't because I want to get pregnant is to check for adenomyosis. There are two ways to check for this. 1) is a hysterectomy. Not going to happen for me anytime soon. 2) is a MRI and then you go on norethindone (progesterone) only. He also suggested a month of Lupron which I balked at. He said well don't believe everything you read on the internet. This is the part that I did not like. My aunt used Lupron and has permanent side effects to this day from it. Yes I did read on the internet. However, I am a pretty informed person. I don't make snap decisions without checking them out. In fact, if I bring something up to my pcp, she listens to me and asks why I want to do this or that? She has told me that most of her patients read one little thing and hits on it. However, she knows that I will go and look at all the information and make an informed decision. It ticked me off that he made an assumption on me that he had no business making. See docs, you should find out why your patients are hesitant on a particular treatment, etc and NOT make assumptions. I still don't think I will do lupron. He said that 90% of his patients loved it. Only 10% had problems, but that is why he does it for only a month. Knowing my luck I would be in that 10%. The problem with lupron is it is a bandaid. It doesn't make the endo go away, ever. Once you stop it, your symptoms WILL come back. I just can't see me doing it. I just can't. If it was something that would cure endo, I would consider it. However it is a bandaid to a problem that needs to be fixed. Like my ob said about the depo-provera shot, you can't undo a shot. You can always stop taking a pill. The specialist said that the women that are on Lupron want to stay on it forever, but insurance won't let them. I also wondered about the bone loss associated with Lupron but didn't bring it up. That is another reason you can't stay on it forever. Lupron puts you in menopause. I just don't think I would tolerate it well. As for now a lap is out. YEAH. Although I know you can't leave endo in there. Eventually it will have to come out. So it is just a matter of time. He said that if I was not pregnant in 6 months, he would be willing to do one. So I'm not sure. My reviews are mixed. I was upset that he told me pregnancy was NOT a good idea. Join the club. You treat me for endo, not pregnancy doc and I didn't ask his opinion about that. He did say that the good news is if I got pregnant, endo would be in remission. YEAH and it makes his job easier. I was upset that he automatically made assumptions about me that he shouldn't have. However, he did hit on the pain right away. He was able to replicate it in the office within 5 minutes. He does know what he is talking about. I do have questions for him regarding this adenomyosis diagnosis. I do have questions about these myofacial trigger points. It may be that I just need to get to know him better. So we'll see. He did say he would do the injections if I was pregnant by the 12th. Which could be a very possible thing.

Lab tests are in!

They are fabulous!

Especially the 24 hr urine. Less than 6MG, whooo hoooooooooo! I was kinda worried about this one!
AST - 13 - low
ALT - 31 - normal
Uric Acid - 6.7 (cutoff is 6), it's a little high. Hmmmm. The nurse says it is still ok but something to watch when I am pregnant.
They will get the operative report ready for me to take to the specialist on Friday.
I'm feeling good about those results!!!!

So we have the all clear! WHOO HOO. I just realized that I have 11 days of Loestrin left. OMG. I didn't even realize when I started the pack, it would be my last pack. Please pray that the endo stays away and I have nice easy periods (Ok, wishful thinking I know, but a girl can ask right?)

I'm a freak....

Yes, I am a freak. I am the person that "normal" women say ohhhh to. So I went to my pcp yesterday to have my bp med changed from Ziac to the God awful Aldomet. Aldomet truly truly sucks. It makes you feel so tired and zombie like. Yeah what I am looking forward to, not. It was really kind of disappointing to see my pcp. I know she doesn't agree with me trying to get pregnant again, but you know, I know much more about pre-eclampsia than she does and we both know that. She has never even had a child. She did entertain it at one time, but for whatever reason, decided not to. She doesn't agree with my ob putting me on aldomet. She said you know, I said yeah it's a weak agent and is never used in a non pregnant woman. I said I know. She said the one time I ever entertained getting pregnant, I asked my obgyn if it was ok and she said it was. She said you just can't use ace inhibitors. I don't know why Dr. E doesn't want to use it??? She said it's not going to work. I told her Dr. E said we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I think he would be more willing to change it once I am past the first trimester and the organs are formed. She just shakes her head. So you are really doing this? Ummm, yes. I think she is hoping I get pregnant immediately so she can transfer me to Dr. E. She is making good on that promise that once I was pregnant, she wasn't touching me with a ten foot pole. It's really disappointing because I really like my pcp. However we totally differ on this issue.

In all reality, my chances of pe are lower this time around. I am more educated. I know what the signs and symptoms are. I plan on being a regular PIA to my obgyn. I will be asking about all blood tests and urine tests and will not be pacified with it's ok. I wanna know numbers. Ok, so I am a nerd. Let's see, 60% chance when I was pregnant with S versuses 25% chance this time. I think I'll take those odds. I just am extremely worried that if there is a bad outcome, I am going to have some idiot say see told you so. I feel fairly confident things will be ok. I am totally ready to take it easy and do things right. When my ob says I am on bedrest, I am done.

It still totally sucks that it wasn't oh congratulations, hope it works for you fast, and can't wait to see you back again pregnant. Instead it was doom and gloom. It just totally sucks having had pe before. Cause any time that you try after it people assume one of two things. One is everything is going to be bad. Or else why are you worried about this, it's nothing. You can't win either way.

In other news, S has severe croup. It sucked. I have never been really freaked out about the girls' breathing before because Kirsten has severe asthma. However, S sounded so bad on Thursday night. Gave her oral albuterol, didn't work. Gave her the super duper dose of 1.25mg xopenex by nebulizer. It helped but didn't work. She was still retracting (could see her ribs when she was breathing) and breathing too hard, too fast and too much wheezing for me. So I took her to the ER. The triage nurse was really concerned and brought us right back. The ER dr (not impressed with him at all) was like she's fine. WTF, even I could tell she wasn't ok. The ER dr is panicking about a 1 year old who is screaming his lungs out, saying get O2 on that baby. That baby was screaming. Screaming means breathing. Meanwhile my child is retracting, but she is ok. So he comes out of the 1 yr old's room and says sheepishly, mom says he holds his breath all the time when he is mad. I could have told that doc to just blow in his face and he would have been breathing or pinch his nose. So we had an xray because the right lung sounded different than the left. Xray normal. However, NOW he is concerned because she is retracting, breathing too hard and too fast and no the 94-95 O2 after her nebulizer was not any good anymore. Grrrr. The good thing was she got treatment to help her breathe easier. She ended up with a nebulizer of ephinephrine and a steroid shot. Afterwards, the nurse that was unconcerned when we were brought back says OMG she looks so much better. Her color is better and she is not breathing as hard. The 1 yr old had croup too. Apparently it is going around but not contagious. We were lucky because she was NOT admitted. Thank God. S would have been terrified. She wouldn't let me put her down or anything. Her cry was just a whimper when we were in there. I finally left at 3am only to have to get up for work at 430am. It sucked.

K is in to cheer dance. She absolutely loves this. I don't know how I ended up with the popular kid who likes to do cheerleading. I was the furthest thing from it when I was in school. She is pretty cute doing it. I am glad that I am able to give her that opportunity. She also is taking Violin lessons. Anyone want to donate ear plugs to me???

I go to see the specialist on Friday. WOW three months for a drs visit is a long time to wait. I hope he can offer something. I hope he doesn't tell me, sorry I can't help you. That would totally stink. I look at this Dr as a last hope. I hope he doesn't want to do another lap. That would be awful too, but having one done by a specialist can actually possibly take care of the problem. Just hope it doesn't interfere with my ttc.

Oh and S is feeling much better. Still has a nasty cough. Still needs the neb. However, the heartwrenching breathing episodes are much better.

Nothing really new

Well today I broke through on the Loestrin and Prometrium. Hmm, I think it was due to stress, but it also came with that all familiar pain. So a lortab and motrin I took. I don't see how people and drs say it's addictive. The 10mg makes me want to puke! Thank God for reglan. I take the reglan with it and while I still feel a little nauseated, its not nearly as bad. I just don't get it how people become drug seekers on that stuff. I take it for pain. Helps pain and takes it away, but in the process makes me nauseated, tired, and can give me a bad headache (hey that's funny a painkiller that gives you a headache).

I am nervous about the appt with the specialist. I am really worried that he will want to do another lap. While he would be correct in doing his own lap (a specialist hunts for it everywhere as an obgyn goes in, takes a peek and closes up). I still don't like the thought. If he wants to do a lap, I want to do it ASAP so I can get preggo. Don't want nothing to hold up the schedule.

To help be in a better position, we are refinancing our house. Our loan is approved. Please pray that our house appraises out. It is so subjective but the mortgage guy says it should be ok. Our interest rate is a lot lower than it is now. If we get what we want from it, I am going to pay off almost all our credit cards. Wait 3 months and then refinance our cars for a shorter term and lower interest rate. THANK GOD we can basically start over. All this and our mortgage will only go up about $140 a month. YEAH!!! So pray that it goes through. I am anxious to have it go through now. This will definitely help us afford daycare for that third baby.

Other news, I did a baseline non pregnant 24 hr urine. I also did the uric acid, ast and alt too. I don't have the results but will ask my pcp when I see her on the 29th to change my bp med to one that is safe while pregnant. They should have copied her as well as my ob. I am thankful that I have such good drs. Hubby waited 40 minutes to turn my pee jug in on that Monday morning. He's a good hubby. He said next time he will get there when the lab opens. Yippee.

Off to bed. I am exhausted now. probably the meds.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

I was very saddened to find out when I arrived at work today that a coworker of mine had died. Joan was 43 and had stage IV inflammatory breast cancer. I am saddest for her little girls Gigi and Josie. They are without their mother today. I never realized what breast cancer can do to a woman until I met Joanie. See I had heard alot about Joanie, but had never met her before Dec 2006. I knew that there was a woman in need of leave because she had breast cancer. I knew that I had heard the gasps that she had breast cancer. I finally got to meet her at the District's christmas party last year. She sat between my boss and I. She was like yeah I am that girl. I was curious about what she had to say. She had young girls that she obviously loved and adored. Joanie was so funny and had the biggest smile. I never once heard her say why me. She was a fighter. By the time I had met Joanie, she had had breast cancer for well over a year and a half. Its effects were ravaging. Gone was the pretty young woman with the I got ya smile that is on her caring bridge site now (see http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/joanmorrissey ). Cancer had taken that away. When I met Joanie she had been ravaged by the cancer. Her arms and hands were so swollen and blistered from the treatments. She told me how cancer was and patiently answered all of my questions (much what I do with the PE mommies). She was so open. Yet she had such humor about her. Many people at the CDC and at work donated leave to her. Enough that when she got worse, she was able to take the summer off to spend with her family. Joanie went through hell before she died. But she always always had a smile on her even on her worse days. She was swollen, in writhing pain, cancer had distorted her body. But cancer never ever distorted her inner beauty inside. At that same Christmas party, Joanie said that she had a caring bridge site. I immediately signed up for it and got notifications by email. I followed her progress. I thought she had more time. Just a few weeks ago she was doing things. Then she was admitted to the hospital. She was released 2 weeks ago. All of a sudden she just declined. Joanie got to spend the summer visiting the family lake house. She was given enough leave to take off 4 months! She got to see her neice graduate from high school in Alaska. She lived more of a life in 43 years than many live in a lifetime.

Because of Joanie, as much as I HATE annual exams, I will never miss one again. When it is time for a mammogram, I will be first in line to get the boobs squished. I won't miss a pap smear either (as much as I DREAD those). When I get those things done, I will think of Joanie. So say a few prayers for her girls and husband tonight. They loved her sooooo much and are devestated by her passing. My girls would be devestated and at 10 and 6, it is a really young age to lose your mom. Last night the world lost a beautiful gentle kind soul. Even though cancer took her outer beauty away, it will never take her inner beauty. RIP Joanie, you will be sadly missed.

It's been almost a month?

Wow I have totally neglected the blog. I have been crazy crazy busy. End of fiscal year. It all ends 30 September though. Dh came come from his month long trip, I'm glad he is back. I get some sleep now! The steroid shot TOTALLY worked. It rocked. And if I have any more issues, I am so going back for more. It hurt like hell for two days. Then on the third day it was like the heavens opened up and the angels were singing!

Saw the nasty IME dr. They cleaned up the office some but it was packed. Silly people actually thought he was there to HELP them. Not. Anyway, did what my lawyer told me to do which was arrive 5 mins early and leave after 30 mins. My appt was at 415. Of course, no way in hell I would have my appt on time as that place was packed. I told the receptionist I was leaving at 4:45. She rolled her eyes and sent me away with papers. I watched the clock. At 4:45, I got up and told them I was leaving. I made a huge big stink. 1) I was mad to be brought and hour each way from home for an appt that would deny needed medical benefits to me. 2) I was mad that I had to wait for this arrogant bozo 3) there were NOT enough chairs for all the peolple. They pull the dr out of the back office and off his cell phone. He said well you can wait 15 mins. Ummm no, You don't understand. My lawyer told you guys I was not waiting. I said something when I came in. I am leaving. Well ask the person in front of you (who was 30 minutes late) and see if she will let you go ahead. Um no to that too. This is your waiting room and I am not asking. So the dr goes out into the waiting room and says in front of everyone, can she go ahead of you. Since this girl just got there, she said yes. he brings me back and was being as nice as could be. So last time you were here Aug 2006, Oh yeah, that was the appt where you told me I needed no further treatment. Ok then I saw you again Dec 06. Ummm no I saw MY surgeon who did surgery. Well what did he find. That everything was torn. Well what did he do, partial menisucectomy, medial lateral release (umm that is very usual and used in worse case scenarios, didn't you mean a menisucectomy? Yeah I had that too. It was either cut through the tendons or replace a knee. He does a 2 minute exam. Then tells me as I am leaving that I should THANK HIS STAFF AND THE GIRL AHEAD OF ME? I thought WTF??? I thought maybe you should do better with your scheduling. I don't even wait that long for my OWN doctors, much less one that doesn't have MY interests at heart. Oh and he told me I should schedule an earlier time to avoid this next time. WTF again. He is lucky I didn't deck his arrogant ass. Ok so rant done with that.


Not so fast. I got a denial for everything except one final consultation with my ortho.... Then they get to bring me back AGAIN for another repeat of what happened above. You have to be fing kidding me. Funny how my ortho says it takes 18 months to recover from this.

I am going for THE bloodwork tomorrow. You know the one where I have to have the baseline before I get pregnant. I can't believe it is time already!!!!!! Oh the joys of the 24 hr urine.

I got my out of network authorization to see the pelvic pain specialist Oct 5th. Hope he has some answers and I like him. I have heard he is a good nice dr.

That's it for me!

Can't Sleep

It's almost 2am and I can not sleep. I took unisom and 10mg lortab which should have knocked me out and didn't. I saw the pa today for my knee. He examined it, gave me some exercises to work on to help the muscles around the kneecap to tighten up so it won't slip. He suspects the pain is being caused by my kneecap moving side to side. I also got my first cortisone shot too. How come they give numbing medicine but it doesn't work till you are done with the shot. OWWWWW. Not as bad as I thought it would be. Before we talked about the pain of it and he thoroughly explained it. He said you have been through much worse to be worried about this little shot. You have had two babies with complications and major knee surgery and you are worried about this. Nope, will be a piece of cake. It was. He told me it would feel great for a couple of hours because of the numbing med, but then it was going to hurt much worse for two days. He said it would be ok, and not to get worried and call him tomorrow and say G., what did you do to my need. Then he said by 7-10 days, I'll be golden. He said it should be ok for my business trip in 2 weeks.

Other news, my no fault insurer has demanded another IME with there nasty dr and the nasty dr office they do it in. I loathe this dr and if he was my personal doc I would sue his butt for malpractice. He caused intentional physical and emotional pain and distress by denying my medical care the last time they did this. I ended up going into debt over dr bills, had to get a loan to pay for it so we wouldn't go into collections because no one would pay for it (they were kind enough to send a letter to my health insurer that they were denying benefits for an accident related problem which led to my health insurer denying benefits saying no fault was responsible. It took months and an almost cancelled surgery to get it straightened out. Thank God I am a federal employee because they have to pay per federal contracts on health insurance. Then no fault paid anyway when the surgery was done. ASSHOLES).

My lawyer says I have to go so we can sue them for denial of medical benefits. But I don't want to. I see no point in me wasting my precious time, gas, and dignity for these jerks when I have no chance in hell of them helping me. They should have let my health insurance pay for it and let me take care of this in one day and sue their butts. The dr is an ass plain and simple. I will not let him disrespect me like he did the last time. I felt like trash when I saw him before. That will not happen again. I am going to have a very hard time keeping my mouth shut with him. Especially when he recognizes that he saw me at the Chiropractor IME exam and tried to examine me (I was still on crutches). My lawyer would not let him do it and told him to bug off. But my lawyer won't be there with me. To tell you the truth, he was a real ass to the dr the last time when he wouldn't leave me alone. I do plan on telling the IME dr whatever happened to do no harm to your patient??? Had he have done the RIGHT thing, the surgery would have been sooner and maybe less pain and damage. These people literally have a denial letter already prepared and dated and signed and simply drop it in the mail the day of your appt. I really have absolutely NO love for this man whatsoever and I hope there is a special place in hell for him. My lawyer says that drs that do this for insurance companies a) can't make it in private practice because of whatever reason (medical malpractice, personality problem, etc) or b) new. This guy fits in A. He is a small guy 5ft and had a God like personality, an ego a mile wide, is arrogant, and has a chip on his shoulder. I am not staying past 5pm either. The lawyer said no more than 1/2 an hour of waiting for this asshole. My lawyer says he is going to call me tomorrow to discuss it. He knows that I am very pissed off about this and that I am not happy. So he is trying to calm me down. No fault is very anxious to get this appt done so they can start denying claims. I really want to tell him when I see him, I'll see his butt in court and will take PLEASURE in seeing my lawyer rip him a new one with the improper exams that he has conducted on me and the damage that he personally caused because of his greed. At least there is a Starbucks across the street and at least I know that my insurance will cover it minus the copays which is better than what happened for months of no one getting paid the last time.

On other news for the ttc front, I have decided to stop the bcp and prometrium after my specialist visit on 10/5. I want to have at least one complete cycle in and know how it is working. I am going to ask my pcp to refill the lortab for it so that I won't be miserable and unable to do anything. I think with a good painkiller this time, I can get through it for one month.

So you are one of those are you????

I didn't expect to be back in my obgyn's office again until December, except again fate stepped in. As usual something needed to be checked out. I had a lap on 7/3 and have noticed since Day 2 a white unusually strong string. Was it a suture? Was it skin? So I of course tugged on it with tweezers. No dice. And it hurt. So then I tried cutting it, but was afraid of cutting myself. I tried pulling it and cutting it, it didn't. I hemmed and hawed about calling and everyone said CALL. So I broke down and did. Got the nurse that has been mean to me in the past. However she was extremely nice to me. Maybe I just need to pour on the honey more with her. She said dear you need to have Dr. E look at it. Uggggh.

So she got me in this afternoon. I worried about how he was going to get this suture out. The nurse came and got me and the promptly WEIGHED me. I was pretty unhappy about that. I thought they were just taking out a suture. Then the dreaded bp cuff came in with her! I really hate that cuff. Seeing I had just been running around my house like a crazy person looking for keys, I knew it would be a bit elevated. Hmmm, time for me to grab M from Dr. L's office to come and take my bp. She gets beautiful readings. She couldn't get a reading!!! She said you have the worst bp to hear. It is very faint. I said if you think it is faint now, you should been here when I was pregnant with S. But that's ok well have all kinds of fun with it in the fall when I get pregnant again. She looked at me and said "So you are one of those people are you?" I proudly said yes instead of being miserably ashamed of my bp. You see I didn't cause it to go up. I exercise. I am overweight but I had normal bp when I weighed 60lbs more. So weight is not the problem. I take my medicine every day. So YES, I am one of THOSE people. Fun we will have. She said oh really. I said yes. She said did you have problems when you were pregnant? Ummm yeah, you can say that, the nurses ran scared because of my bp. I wonder if they had anyone like me since, lol. I told her I had severe pe with the first and severe pih with the second. Oh. But we'll have fun! She mentioned that they had had several moms that had pe and pih that they just got delivered. She said they got them all delivered in the last week and said when all delivered safely that there was a collective WHEW from the staff. She eventually went out but said your bp is hard to hear it is so faint on the bottom number. I told her wait till I get pregnant, lol.

Then my ob came in and I could hear him reading my chart outside. Suture problem??? Hmmmm. He comes in and says my name. Asks how I am doing? I ask him how he is doing? He has me get up on the exam table and looks at my belly button incison. I say do you see it? He said yeah, it's a suture. I am going to pull on it and snip it out. Ummm, owww. So he goes and asks the nurse for some forceps and scissors (did you know that those are disposable??). I ask him do you have freezy spray cause this is going to hurt. He says no freezy spray like Dr. L. He grabs a hold of the suture and says does this hurt, ummm yeah. He pulls hard for a minute and snips. Oh and he tells me not to look at it. I closed my eyes when he did that. Why did he tell me not to look? He asked about the other incision, it's all good doc. He says ok. I'm sorry you had to come in (he actually felt bad that he didn't do a better job. Honestly the thought never crossed my mind. Stuff happens!). I wasn't mad, I was just worried about making a big deal about nothing. Plus I got to work from home to make up the hour I lost. So not so bad. I didn't lose anything by coming in. To tell the truth that suture was annoying the crap out of me. He did say he was taking it out so it wouldn't annoy me, so I think the nurse put that patient says suture is annoying the heck out of her. As for appts, come in as needed. So I hopefully won't be back in till I get a positive test, see ya in December doc (crossing fingers and legs!!!).

I asked about my out of network referral. My insurance has not had it submitted yet. He said he will double check with C. So I am going to start harassing her to get it. Oh and I get to do a baseline 24 hour urine next month plus bloodtests. I get to see Dr. L for her to switch my bp meds. JOY JOY. OH MY GOD, 3 months to go......

Oh my, our first cast!

As usual Miss S. was being a 2 year old. She was with me at the grocery store last night. There is a road that runs parallel to the store. Then there are rows that run perpendicular to that road where cars are parked. Well while crossing the parallel row, she decided to make a run for it. I had groceries in my left arm and I had her left hand in my right where two fingers were on the wrist. She made a run for it and wasn't able to. Then she promptly plopped down in the middle of the roadand would not move. Me trying to get her to stand up, she determined to stake her place with her arm and hand hyperflexed. I felt a pop when she yanked down to plop down and screaming. She had hurt her wrist. I tried to see if it would go away on its own. But within the hour we were on our way to the ER. She was inconsolable and the slightest touch even with motrin and tylenol made her scream. Amazing what a screaming toddler will do to the ER staff. I didn't have to go to registration. They simply took her name and went and looked up her info on the computer and brought the papers to me in triage for me to sign. We were taken right back with S. howling the whole time. The PA came in and the nurse and they were the best. They sent her back for xray. She looked so tiny on that gurney. When in the xray room, I was not allowed to go back with her. I could hear her screaming through the door. I almost started crying right there. Get back to the room and she had calmed down. The PA came in and said he was going to let her rest while he discharged a patient. Still she would not move her wrist. The radiologist said it looked like a greenstick fracture (think of a young tree that bends and doesn't break) or something with her ligaments (torn or stretched). So the PA came in and tried to do a reduction on her arm (because he also suspected nursemaid's elbow). It didn't work. Still howling with pain. So then they put a partial cast on it. They called the ortho on call. He wants to see her tomorrow or next available appt. The nurse and PA said he will take the current partial cast off, then xray it again, and then recast it with a waterproof cast.

S seems ok today for the most part. We are alternating tylenol and motrin. As long as she gets that she is playing well. She also is learning how to do everything one handed. She is adapting well. She does want the cast off which I tell her sorry baby, it has to stay on till you see the dr.

So tomorrow morning, I have to call the ortho's office first thing for an appt for her. I usually see another dr in the group, but I was assured by the nurse that this dr loves children and will do well. He is coincidentally Grandma's ortho too. Oh and did I mention S and Grandma have matching slings? Same arm too. Sil said too cute, we have to get a pic of them together. I understand what she said, but I am still upset that this happened to us.

The nurse and PA said that this is common. That they have done the same thing with their kids a thousand times. Just this time S. pulled down to hard. So hopefully the cast will come off quick.

A pic for you to see:
[IMG]http://i196.photobucket.com/albums/aa81/missgamecock/100_0800.jpg[/IMG]

Forgot the link:

http://kateharding.net/2007/07/12/fat-hatred-kills-part-one/

Patients, drs, fat, and PE

This is a must read. I got the link from Fat Doctor's blog.

I have always seen military drs all my life, till my dh got out of the military about 7 years ago. They all insinuated weight was why I had this issue or that. Some insinuated weight caused me to have PE and partial hellp syndrome. Some insinuated that I didn't eat right and that caused it too. My first civilian pcp I fired. I fired her for several reasons. She told me to never get pregnant. She told me that my weight caused me to have pe and hellp and a premature baby. It took me about 4 years to fire her (and I will never put up with that again!!!!). I havn't looked back on it. Drs are there to help, not humiliate.

When I had S. at my first visit I was told that I needed to do the diabetic 2000 calorie diet because I was overweight. I was at 267lbs! Unfortunately, God had other plans with me which included having severe hypermesis. I literally lived on vanilla milkshakes, mac & cheese, icecream because I could not keep anything down. It was so bad the same midwife that prescribed the 2000 calorie diet ended up writing the justification for me to get approved for 40 Zofran a month and this was in addition to B6 and unisom every single day. Karma huh. My insurance at the time approved 10 zofran and this was for chemo patients! But I had lost over 20lbs in 2 months. She got the 40 zofran appoved. But then I was in the second trimester and the swelling started. I ended up regaining the 20lbs plus 8 for a total pregnancy gain. The day after delivery I weighed LESS than when I had become pregnant. The weight melted off. I lost 68lbs after delivery in less than 2 months. AMAZING. It also prompted a slew of slow down on the weight loss comments from my ob and pcp.

My current pcp is overweight. She will counsel you on diet but she doesn't ride you. My ob was great. When I finally started gaining weight (due to swelling) he said nice weight gain (in a good way, too bad it was swelling). After I had S, I asked if my weight caused this. If I lost just a x amount of weight would it prevent pe/pih/hellp? Both emphatically said no. My weight had absolutely nothing to do with me getting the above. No losing weight would not prevent it as that was just how my body reacted to pregnancy. Even with all of that weight lost, I still have to take a bp med each day.

But it is amazing how with just a few words, someone's life can be changed forever. You see I used to believe in that crap, that I did it to me. But not anymore. More educated I suppose. I am sure that there are some in my dh's and my family that think my weight or how I ate caused me to be sick. But it doesn't. They know better to state that. Pe patients already take enough blame. They don't need their weight on top of that. Besides, plenty of skinny pe patients get it too. It has no rhyme or reason in which victim it chooses.

So docs, think about what you say to a patient before you speak. You may have a woman that was listed in the above link. If she had had kind and compassionate drs, maybe she would have lived.

What ifs, girlies, fish, and pregnancy.

Oh my both my girlies are growing. Dh is out of town right now. He was due to be out till 8/16. However, he may come early. YEAH. I have been using the time for me time, enjoying my girlies and household projects. About those projects, I redid the playroom. I have hated the colors in that room since we moved here. But it was always a backseat to everything. So I painted it. Then I promptly dumped a half gallon of white paint on my nice burgundy carpet!!!!! It also splashed onto the tv and the nightstand that holds the tv. I wasn't so concerned with the nightstand. We bought it as an odd and ends about 12 years ago for about $70. It was in the PLAY room. But my carpet. I immediately tried to clean it up, but that made it worse. So I got my steam cleaner and it got it all up. OMG.



Took the girlies to go look at fish. We want a couple for a small tank. But I have "easy" requirements. I don't want anything that is too hard to take care of, that I can't kill and to have two in the tank. One for each girlie. Petsmart was very disappointing. Very little selection and no knowledge. Uh dude like maybe this one. Um no thanks. So then today we went to the other pet store. FOUR enormous rooms of fish. Rows upon rows of fish tanks. The girls were in awe. We are going back to pick up some fish next week. The sales guy helped us get chemicals to get our tank ready. He said wait a week and then come back. We are getting a beta fish and two algae fish. He promised they won't get eaten. WHOO HOO. The girls are so excited. Take that pet smart.



I have been having problems with the girls fighting lately. S. tries to beat her sister up by hitting, biting, or sitting on her head. K. tries to be a mom to S. who doesn't want anyone telling her what to do. Today S. wanted something. K. tried to take it away. S. started hitting her. I immediately scopped up S and put her in timeout. She was in shock. They don't do timeout in daycare and I think that is a load of crap. I finally after a few minutes went to timeout to talk with her. I told her she was being very naughty for hitting her sister. She immediately put both hands on her face, gave me the pouty face that looked like she was going to cry. It broke my heart. I told her to give her sister a hug and say she was sorry and she did. But she looked like she was going to cry the whole time. Gosh I still want to cry. K never did this stuff. Course she never had another sibling till she was 6.



Ahhhh I see pregnant women EVERYWHERE. From the day that I had S. I have wanted to get pregnant again. Not even just want to, but desparately want to get pregnant. I have thought about it alot why. We never thought we could afford more than 2 and well our job circumstances changed drastically in the last 2 years. We can afford another one. That's another thing, the other day, my ob made a comment that rubbed me wrong. I asked for an out of network referral for a specialist for pelvic pain and endo. He said well how are you going to pay for that, cash??? Ummm maybe I caught him on a bad day. He is not usually like that and is very concerned about not using up too much of patient's resources (thoughtful on rxs that are 10 days and will write for 30, bedrest - can you afford to take off). So I guess it threw me offguard. I mean I make very good money and so does dh. We make more than twice what the average household income is here. We both drive newer SUVs (ok, I didn't pay nearly what they are usually advertised for, I got a good deal on both and less than what a car would have cost). We live on a nice street, but not the ritzy part of town. We don't live in the slums either. Definitely middle class. We have been planning on moving, but don't want to move while I am pregnant. So it was either this summer (which nothing was on the market that we liked) or after baby, which is in about 2 years. Not a big deal. Anyway, I said to him, ummm no. That is why I am asking for an out of network referral. That way I would pay IN network costs. Unless you know of a specialist elsewhere that is in my network. Ummm no you are right, there is no other specialist. I'll write the referral. Better, I'll have my billing person do it. Insurance said to check and if not done by middle of August call his office back. But he did say that he would work with this new specialist to take care of me. :)

Dh and I were talking today on the phone. He is actually looking forward to a new pregnancy and baby. I felt so robbed. With K, it ended up that everything ended like that. We are terminating your pregnancy. But at least I had good days. With S. I was miserable every single day with heartburn, bp issues, vomiting, nausea, exhaustion. Not one good day. Even still, I was very upset when she came out. No time to see K. No time to prepare. Out she had to come. Maybe I am hoping for better this time. Maybe I won't be robbed. Dh told work last week that he will be unable to come out next summer to do training for them. Apparently he has been doing an excellent job. They asked him to come out again. But he turned them flat down and said that that he was expanding in a family way next year. GOOD FOR HIM. I never knew that babies could be healthy and happy as K was very ill for a long time. S was healthy and happy. No problems. But I am very excited to try. I would try now, but I don't want a spring baby. I want a summer baby. I want to spend the summer off again. It was fabulous with S. But I am planning for a baby at 35-36 weeks cause look at my track record. Sometimes I get so jealous of those women that are running around at 9 months pregnant cause that was something I never could do.

Sometimes the what ifs come in. What if I die. What if the baby dies. What if I get really sick. What if I have a baby that is permanently damaged from it. What if. Well with that I think, my chances of pe are 25%, hellp is 5%, 100% bedrest (I did it before and I can do it again), 100% bp issues (did it before I can do it again), and early delivery. But I am my best advocate. I know when things are not right. I will be vigilant in checking them. My drs will be too.

My beautiful girl

Where does the time go. K was a flower girl in sil's wedding two weeks ago. OMG, I remember this tiny tiny baby in a little incubator after she was born. The incubator was by my bed for a bit. I could only reach in with two gloved hands to touch her. Even through the throes of mag, I tried to calm her crying by rubbing her back. Look at her now. She is beautiful! She read a reading from the Velveteen rabbit in front of over a 100 people in the church. She did it with such grace, poise, and elegance. She has matured so much. Many people have come up to me and said wait till she is in high school. She is going to be class president. Miss Cheerleader. All American girl. The little 2-3 year old who would not participate in circle time at daycare, look at her now. I wish I had gotten a tape of it, but I was too busy wrestling S. As far as S. , she was fired from being a flower girl because she was being a 2 year old. :(

I just can't believe she is over 8 years old. We have been talking in front of her about trying for another baby. She is like mom can I watch the birth. Mom can I go to all of your appts? She'll be 9 in March. I think I would like her there for the birth. Of course someone would need to be there with her. I think my sil would volunteer. But yes, she is so grown up now. I can't get over it. She is growing up into everything I dreamed she would be. Love ya so much K.

Post Op Appt Update

My ob is giving me the out of network referral for Dr. H. I asked him if he knew about him. He said yes, he has referred several patients with endometriosis to him. HELLO WHAT ABOUT ME???? I said well he is out of network and I need an out of network referral. He said well how are you going to pay for it, cash? I said umm no, that is why I am asking for an out of network referral. He said ok and gave me a rx for an out of network referral. I said what do I do with this???? He looked at me confused (he must have delivered too many babies this week!). I said I think YOU have to coordinate it with the insurance company. Then he kicked into gear and said he would coordinate it with his billing person. She does all his disability paperwork, billing, and stuff. I thought I hope the billing person knows how to do this. I said I would go in network but I scrubbed the entire area and there is no one else but regular obgyns. I told him that he had talked about a general surgeon but I didn’t want a general surgeon cause they like to CUT you. He laughed and agreed. He said that there is no one else. That this is where I needed to go and he would work it out with the billing person. I asked him how would I know if it had gone through, he said that I could call and ask the billing person or the insurance company would send him a letter and carbon copy me on it. He did take down when the appt was and time and said he would work it.

The lower incision looks great. The belly button incision is looking a tiny bit infected. I have been using peroxide and Neosporin religiously. I told him it was still open a bit. Each day it closes a little bit. He said yeah it is still open a bit. Stop using full strength peroxide because it is damaging the tissue. He said that stuff is really strong and to cut it in half with tap water to clean it. He said keep using Neosporin. He said if it gets any worse he wanted me to call and let him look at it again. What would he do for it, put me on an antibiotic?? That would suck.

He asked me about bleeding. I said it was light and spotting after surgery. Stopped on Sunday night, Monday morning after surgery (a week) and then started back up in force on Tuesday morning. He said oh the surgery (anesthesia) threw your cycles off. You are having your period (which made me turn even redder. I hate turning into a tomato!) I figured as much with the excruciating pain it was. I had pain even with Lortab and motrin but at least it was bearable this time with the Lortab.

As far as meds when I ttc. No to motrin, I have to switch to Tylenol (will that even work???), start baby aspirin after I see him for a positive pregnancy test to prevent pe, and yes Gluconsamine and chondroitin are ok to take.

He went ahead and wrote orders for a 24hr urine and Preeclampsia labs as a baseline. I told him I had clotting bloodwork done in January and he said he had a copy of that (they copy all the drs here on that stuff. He said HIPPA makes it hard to get labwork from the hospital, so they list the obgyn and PCP as primaries on all hospital paperwork). The only thing that was high was protein S but my pcp said it was up because I had just had surgery. Oh and he told I would get a container for a 24 hr urine. I said btdt. I have done many 24 hr urine tests.
A 24 urine test is the only way to know reliably how much protein your body is dumping. Less than 300mg/dl is normal. Anything over 300mg/dl when pregnant is preeclampsia. When I had my oldest, I was dumping 5000mg. My kidneys were not working.

I told him I had counted out my loestrin and that I didn’t have enough to get to November 1st and that I needed one more. He gave me a sample of it. So now I have enough. No turning back on that seeing he didn’t write a rx.

I asked him about the prometrium. Did I need to stop it when I stopped the loestrin. He said yes. He said that it’s not that my body is low in it, it’s that I needed an extra kick to stop breakthrough bleeding. He said that my body should make enough prometrium for pregnancy.

I told him Dr. L would be switching me to Aldomet in September. He said good and he remembered discussing that.

So keep your fingers crossed that he can get the referral through (I lost a little faith with how he was a little off kilter above). I also contacted my pcp’s office and said he was giving it to me and working with me on it. But I worried he wouldn’t get it through. They said if he can’t we will.

Oh and he said it was ok to still try in Nov even though I am seeing this specialist in Oct. He said there wasn’t anything wrong with that at all. I said well at least I would have the consultation done. He agreed. I told him that I didn’t think that there was anything more that he could and he agreed and said I needed to see this dr. He said that he would coordinate care, send post op reports and records to him. I will have the pelvic pain and endo stuff dealt with by the specialist and (OBGYN) would handle everything else. He is ok with that. He said my insurance company wouldn’t pay for like regular annual exams and stuff with the specialist. So I feel a bit better. I just hope that my insurance gives me the out of network authorization and then the referral. Please let these people in his office NOT be idiots. The billing clerk and I had a run in a couple of years ago. So I have to be nice to her to have her help me. She does very well with flattery….

I also called and checked with my insurance company and the rep said it most likely will be approved. They may need to get more info but they would work with my obgyn on that. They said my primary can help with that too. My copay would be $15 for the visit, $15 for outpatient surgery, nothing for inpatient.

Oh and I made my lovely annual exam for 2/15/08. Hope to skip that and be pregnant. If I got pregnant in November, I would have to get it earlier. UGGGGGH. I detest them. Maybe he’ll let me skip if I am pregnant. I doubt it. I had to have one at nine weeks with S. They wait till you are 9-12 weeks preggo for an internal/annual exam.

So please pray that everything falls into place. Pray that I get pregnant in November. Pray that there will a magical solution in October for this pelvic pain. Pray for as little pain as possible. Pray that I make it full term. Pray for a healthy baby. I would like a boy to be different, but at this point, all I care is having a healthy baby. That is how I know that I REALLY want another.

I got in with the specialist!!!!!!!

Ok, so I sent off my little questionaire for the special pelvic pain and endometriosis doc. I called today to find out I was accepted as a patient. My appt is scheduled for 10/5 at 2pm. The earliest appt was 9/28, but last is the last day of the fiscal year. No can do. Darn. I have to bring post op reports and what records I have with me. I guess I need to sign a form at my obgyn's office to send my records. K had to go to Dr. L yesterday because she had a wicked spider bite. It literally ended up being about 5 inches by 7 inches big. Enormous. Dr. L put her on prednisone and a special steroid cream. It has cleared it up quite a bit. She had an allergic reaction to the bite and that was why it was so bad.

While we were at it, she was really surprised to hear my lap was normal. I am pretty disappointed that Dr. E didn't find anything. Everything was normal. It still doesn't answer what is going on. I told her that Dr. E wants to send me to a general surgeon. But I feel that I don't need a general surgeon. Besides general surgeons like to cut! She agreed that I didn't need a general surgeon. I told her about this specialist I found. She had never heard of him before. She wondered if Dr. E had heard of him too. She said that if Dr. E would not give me the out of network referral she would. I knew that she would, but I was surprised that I did not have to ask for it. She just came right out and said, he won't give it to you, let me know and I can help you out with that. She said she had several patients in my position with excruciating pelvic pain and awful periods. She said that she would like to know my experience with him because if I like him (she knows I am a nerd, yes, I check my drs out through a state website and I ask around), she wants to have a doc to refer patients to. This new dr is in a referral based practice for abdominal and pelvic pain. I am going to keep all my other stuff with Dr. E and then Dr. H can handle the pelvic pain issues. I really hope he can help. As I told Dr. L, I like what he has to say in my paperwork. He is the dr of last resort for many patients. He says if you hang with him, he'll hang with you. He realizes you have answered a zillion questions, had a zillion tests, and had surgery. But he has a process that he does to start from the beginning and works through everything. AND he DOES NOT immediately jump to surgery. My appt is Oct 5th. Wish me luck.

In the meantime, life goes on. We are still going to be on track ttc in November come hell or high water. I absolutely do not want to be over 35 when the next baby is born. I want them three years apart. Then we are done. I always wanted 4, but I am lucky dh has agreed to a third. No way would he agree to a 4th. I have too many problems in pregnancy to do that. I pray that it will be a quick conception, healthy pregnancy, and easy delivery and post partum with a healthy baby. I 'm not sure how it will work with Dr. H, but if I still have pain in pregnancy then he and Dr. E can work together. It is not guaranteed to work the first try. It could take months.

I know I need to see this doc. Today was a miserable day. I woke up bleeding (think the surgery threw off by bcp and I think I got a period today). Uggh, before I even got out of bed I was popping Motrin. When I got to work I had to take Lortab to function. I have taken it every 4-6 hours since. I don't know how will ever get through going off continuous bcp ttc. It will be torture. But maybe Dr. H can help with that. I had to go to work today because I am working on a very important project.

So please please pray that my insurance company grants the out of network referral. I know Dr. L will work as hard as she can to get it for me if Dr. E refuses. But he is a very reasonable guy. If he was willing to refer me to a general surgeon, if I bring in my paperwork, maybe he'll be willing to refer me to this new doc. Well if he doesn't, I have taken care of that for him.

So today I was doing a little planning.....

I decided I was not going to let a little endo, adhesions, pelvic pain get in my way. While I am waiting to see the new endo/pelvic pain doc, I have decided to keep on with my plans ttc. Being up on the fourth floor last week and seeing the new babies. Well that made me definitely decide for November to ttc. So I did a little planning today. I am the one that makes the bread in our family. Dh helps but I make almost twice what he does. So I figured out if I got pregnant on the first try, where would 26 weeks be. Where would 35 weeks be. Then I used a leave predictor sheet. I figured out with out any work at home (work at home extends it out further!), and using my leave and disability. I would have enough leave to be out from May 24th, 2008 through the end of October. Course that means no vacations from now till next summer. But hey 6 months off is good too! I figured I can make my peri appts in the afternoon when I get off work since dh and I no longer commute. Before with S., I had to schedule mid day. Ugggh. Now, I can schedule after 2pm. My obgyn's office is open till 4pm. So I can schedule between 3-345 with him. When I go in for postop next week, I hope to go ahead and schedule my annual exam. If I get pregnant when I want to, I will be at the gestation they like to do exams on 9-12 weeks. They don't like before 9 weeks because of risk of miscarriage. So keep your fingers crossed. I am getting really excited about it now. I hope the pain/endo goes in remission with pregnancy, if not, then just one more thing to deal with. I'm not waiting for that to get fixed. Otherwise I could be in menopause. Oh and when I go for my post op appt, I am peppering my ob with some ttc questions. Need to know about progesterone, folic acid (folgard), baby aspirin, bp meds.

Anyway, when looking at my leave. I figured the worst case of when I would be off work with room for negotiations either way. I am eligible to work from home if needed. Anything that I get above that (later off of work bedrest or GASP a normal pregnancy, that's gravy baby).

Dang do I got babyitis bad. Too bad my dh is leaving for a month. I would be very tempted to try RIGHT NOW.

Some progress

Ok. So being the person that I am, I decided to take some action. I love my obgyn but he has done his best. He said at my preop that if the lap was negative that he was going to refer me to a general surgeon. General surgeons like to cut and well I don't want to be cut. Besides my main problem now is lower right pelvic pain and lower right back pain sometimes with nausea. The bleeding is under control with the loestrin and prometrium and has been for months. So I have been doing some research. I figure if he was willing to refer me to a general surgeon, he may be willing to give me an out of network referral. If he isn't, I talked with my pcp's secretary and the secretary said my pcp will. So PRAY that my drs can be convincing enough to my insurance company that I need to go see this dr.

I also called the new dr's office. They are going to send me a pelvic pain questionaire. I have to fill that out and send that back to them before they will book me an appt. They will not have ANY open appts till October but keep you on a waiting list in case there is a cancellation. I wonder what my current obgyn will say. I fully intend to keep him for the regular obgyn stuff. But I need to get to the bottom of the pelvic pain. This kind of interferes with my ttc plans. Cause I plan ttc in November. BUT, if I get pregnant, I get pregnant. If not, then I have my backup. A friend of mine says he is part of the infertility group that she sees and that he is a good dr.

Will update more soon. Have lots going on and I am trying to rest. May have whack my dh. He is not being lovable lately because of my sil's wedding. I am ready to GIVE him away. Honestly I am ready for him to go TDY. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. He just doesn't understand.

Lap Results

It came out as a big fat zip. Everything was completely normal. No endo lesions and no adhesions and no answers to this pain that drives me crazy at times on the right. The good news is that since everything is completely normal, I am good to go to ttc in November. I did definitely decide on November because I saw all those cute little babies being pushed back and forth while I waited. So on one hand there was good news, all normal. On the other hand, I don't have an answer. When I saw my obgyn earlier in June, he said he was going to refer me to a general surgeon if he didn't find anything. I don't think that is the way to go. I am going to ask for an out of network referral to a dr that is an International specialist in chronic pelvic pain. He is right in my backyard. Great right, except he is out of network and it would cost me a LOT of money to see him. There are no pelvic pain specialists where my insurance is located. So this may be a plus. Not sure how my obgyn will react to that, but he's a pretty reasonable man. If I can get an out of network referral, my insurance will cover the cost as in network. I have gotten out of network referrals before when K was 2 for a pediatric endocrinologist because there was a 9 month wait at the other children's hospital. It was for the hospital that I wanted.

So where does this put me. I absolutely do not want to do anymore laps/surgeries/procedures. I just hate general anesthesia. I do have to say as laps go, this was not bad. My dr kept all of his promises to me and it was MUCH better this time around. They gave me an iv anesthesia instead of inhaled this time. He said he was going to order a steroid (not sure if he did). I was given plenty of pain medicine (Toradol rocks). I had great nurses. I woke up feeling kind of icky. The nurse in recovery said rate your pain and I said 6. Sounded good. She gave me a pain killer, not sure what though. Probably toradol, but it didn't burn so maybe not. The nurse on the 4th floor gave me sierra mist instead of juice. I drank a few sips. She turned out the lights and said sleep it off dear. She let me stay as long as I needed. She also at the first sign of nausea gave me a reglan shot. Then I said I was ready to go home. Really wanted to sleep in my own bed. She offered a pain killer and I thought sure. More Toradol. So my dr kept his promise and he gets kudos for that.

So where to go from here. I guess I can get an appt with that special dr. Probably will take a few months and I am going to call this week to check into that. But I do not want it to interfere with my ttc plans. If it is endo, hopefully it will put it in remission while pregnant. My fear would be it would get worse. Then what would I do. The other thought is adenomyosis. The only way to tell that is a hysterectomy. I talked to with my neighbor's daughter tonight and she had adenomysis. Same exact symptoms. Heavy bleeding during periods with clots (ME before Loestrin continuously), heavy cramping and awful sharp stabbing pain. I looked it up and sure enough those are symptoms. But how do you diagnose it? You have to have a hysterectomy. I am just not ready for that yet. I still need my uterus. All of her tests, scans, and she had a biopsy of her uterus were all negative. The report for path on her uterus at hysterectomy, extensive adenomyosis. I think I will try and see this specialist first. I plan on printing out his webpage. I am positive my dr has heard of him. If he hasn't he lives under a rock. But he is up on the latest stuff. I know he tried looking hard because I have a circle bruise around my belly button, kind of like the outline of a lid on a counter.

Oh and saw my ortho down there too in the OR. What are you doing here? I work here. What are you doing here. Ummm another lap. Boy you can't catch a break can you. NOPE. Maybe God is punishing me now and I'll have an easy stress free pregnancy??? I do know that with my knee and nothing showed up on xrays and scans, my ortho told me, that if he did a scope and didn't see anything wrong, it didn't mean that they didn't believe me, they just couldn't see it. Fortunately/unfortunately there was a LOT of stuff wrong when he went in. Too much. Endo is a tricky diesease because it can hide underneath tissue layers and be deep rooted or microscopic. So it doesn't mean its not there. Just not visible. Recovery has been much easier with no infection brewing underneath and no puking.

I just don't want this interfering with ttc. DH already says he is too old. It took some convincing on my part to have a third child. So it is now or never. I feel like I am getting to old. I already have enough problems being pregnant. I don't want to have the label AMA (advanced maternal age) and be stuck with that. Which means I have to get pregnant within the next year. So it will be interesting to see what will end up happening and how this plays out. At least I am comfortable on motrin and then if it is bad lortab. Just wish I had an answer so when someone says what is wrong with you, I can say yes I definitely have xxxx and that is why I have issues.