I'm a freak....

Yes, I am a freak. I am the person that "normal" women say ohhhh to. So I went to my pcp yesterday to have my bp med changed from Ziac to the God awful Aldomet. Aldomet truly truly sucks. It makes you feel so tired and zombie like. Yeah what I am looking forward to, not. It was really kind of disappointing to see my pcp. I know she doesn't agree with me trying to get pregnant again, but you know, I know much more about pre-eclampsia than she does and we both know that. She has never even had a child. She did entertain it at one time, but for whatever reason, decided not to. She doesn't agree with my ob putting me on aldomet. She said you know, I said yeah it's a weak agent and is never used in a non pregnant woman. I said I know. She said the one time I ever entertained getting pregnant, I asked my obgyn if it was ok and she said it was. She said you just can't use ace inhibitors. I don't know why Dr. E doesn't want to use it??? She said it's not going to work. I told her Dr. E said we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I think he would be more willing to change it once I am past the first trimester and the organs are formed. She just shakes her head. So you are really doing this? Ummm, yes. I think she is hoping I get pregnant immediately so she can transfer me to Dr. E. She is making good on that promise that once I was pregnant, she wasn't touching me with a ten foot pole. It's really disappointing because I really like my pcp. However we totally differ on this issue.

In all reality, my chances of pe are lower this time around. I am more educated. I know what the signs and symptoms are. I plan on being a regular PIA to my obgyn. I will be asking about all blood tests and urine tests and will not be pacified with it's ok. I wanna know numbers. Ok, so I am a nerd. Let's see, 60% chance when I was pregnant with S versuses 25% chance this time. I think I'll take those odds. I just am extremely worried that if there is a bad outcome, I am going to have some idiot say see told you so. I feel fairly confident things will be ok. I am totally ready to take it easy and do things right. When my ob says I am on bedrest, I am done.

It still totally sucks that it wasn't oh congratulations, hope it works for you fast, and can't wait to see you back again pregnant. Instead it was doom and gloom. It just totally sucks having had pe before. Cause any time that you try after it people assume one of two things. One is everything is going to be bad. Or else why are you worried about this, it's nothing. You can't win either way.

In other news, S has severe croup. It sucked. I have never been really freaked out about the girls' breathing before because Kirsten has severe asthma. However, S sounded so bad on Thursday night. Gave her oral albuterol, didn't work. Gave her the super duper dose of 1.25mg xopenex by nebulizer. It helped but didn't work. She was still retracting (could see her ribs when she was breathing) and breathing too hard, too fast and too much wheezing for me. So I took her to the ER. The triage nurse was really concerned and brought us right back. The ER dr (not impressed with him at all) was like she's fine. WTF, even I could tell she wasn't ok. The ER dr is panicking about a 1 year old who is screaming his lungs out, saying get O2 on that baby. That baby was screaming. Screaming means breathing. Meanwhile my child is retracting, but she is ok. So he comes out of the 1 yr old's room and says sheepishly, mom says he holds his breath all the time when he is mad. I could have told that doc to just blow in his face and he would have been breathing or pinch his nose. So we had an xray because the right lung sounded different than the left. Xray normal. However, NOW he is concerned because she is retracting, breathing too hard and too fast and no the 94-95 O2 after her nebulizer was not any good anymore. Grrrr. The good thing was she got treatment to help her breathe easier. She ended up with a nebulizer of ephinephrine and a steroid shot. Afterwards, the nurse that was unconcerned when we were brought back says OMG she looks so much better. Her color is better and she is not breathing as hard. The 1 yr old had croup too. Apparently it is going around but not contagious. We were lucky because she was NOT admitted. Thank God. S would have been terrified. She wouldn't let me put her down or anything. Her cry was just a whimper when we were in there. I finally left at 3am only to have to get up for work at 430am. It sucked.

K is in to cheer dance. She absolutely loves this. I don't know how I ended up with the popular kid who likes to do cheerleading. I was the furthest thing from it when I was in school. She is pretty cute doing it. I am glad that I am able to give her that opportunity. She also is taking Violin lessons. Anyone want to donate ear plugs to me???

I go to see the specialist on Friday. WOW three months for a drs visit is a long time to wait. I hope he can offer something. I hope he doesn't tell me, sorry I can't help you. That would totally stink. I look at this Dr as a last hope. I hope he doesn't want to do another lap. That would be awful too, but having one done by a specialist can actually possibly take care of the problem. Just hope it doesn't interfere with my ttc.

Oh and S is feeling much better. Still has a nasty cough. Still needs the neb. However, the heartwrenching breathing episodes are much better.