Friday, April 18, 2008

I'm out this month

Well it appears AF found me 3 days early at 11dpo. I am totally and utterly devestated. I know that it takes most women several months to conceive. I have always gotten it the first month of trying (well Sara was a second month of trying). It makes it so much harder because it seems that everyone I know is pregnant. The girl I was buddies with on my June board that was trying the same as me. Got her BFP yesterday at 11 dpo. Ashley Simpson, yep you guessed it, pregnant. Got an email from an old friend today. His wife is pregnant and due in October. Every single day, someone new is pregnant. Literally. It's like I lose my baby and the world starts raining babies on people that were "surprise" babies. Why not me? I know it has been 7 1/2 weeks since I lost the baby. I know my ob told me to wait 3 months. Still. It's an eternity. I have really sore boobs. I would swear I was pregnant if it were not for the bleeding. It's not heavy enough for a pad. It is red. It is everytime I wipe. Sorry if that is TMI for you. I thought for sure implantation was yesterday. I guess my uterus still isn't healed enough yet. I guess we'll know for sure tomorrow morning when my temp takes a big ole nosedive. I really really really wanted a 2008 and a December baby. I guess technically I could still have one seeing I have never gotten past 36 weeks and 37 weeks for me would be January 4th. I don't want a premature baby. I wanted to be able to hang out and be pregnant to at least 37 weeks. It's just so frustrating. I have no US pictures from Peyton. Not one. Only the image that was forever burned into my memory. I lost a lot of things losing him. It was all planned out. We prepared and planned for over 2 years!!! I did EVERYTHING right.

Then dh comes home and says why are you crying. Oh, well that isn't anything to be upset about. It's not like someone died you know. He doesn't get it. I just hope it happens soon. So next O day will be May 2nd ish.

1 comment:

Jen said...

HUGS Sabrina! I've got baby dust to spare, and you can have it lady.

Hang in there, and sometimes the trying is the fun part, remember? haha

Thinking of you, and happy birthday.