Tuesday, April 22, 2008

CD 5

I hate the waiting. Everywhere I turn, I see pregnant women. Every time I turn on the tv, some celebrity is knocked up. I quit going to my June babies board. I just couldn't take it anymore. I emailed a few that I am close with to let them know to contact me by email. They all understood. I mean how can you be pregnant and oh maybe I might make my first appt at 13-14 weeks. Are you serious??? They take it so lightly. At least AF is leaving and it wasn't too awful. I really expected it to be horrendous. I was able to still have a life this week. Maybe it was God giving me a break for once. It feels surreal. I feel like I am stuck in time while life goes on around me. Each day is an eternity.

So many have joined the loss board in the last week. Heartbreaking stories. For some, it is not their first time there. That makes me terrified. Cause if it could happen once, it can happen again. So I decided on a few things. I am not taking anything I absolutely do not have to. I'm not going to be getting my steroid shot in my knee on the 5th. I really really need it. I'm not taking any pain medication for it. Not even tylenol if I can help it. I am not doing any tylenol sinus or anything. Cut down soda to one can a day. Started walking again even though my orthopedist is going to flip. He prefers me to bike. I hate biking. I love walking. I figured it is easier to deal with my painful swollen knee than it is to deal with anxiety and slight depression. No, I am not taking drugs for that either. Walking heals that. I am wondering if I can use my tens machine in pregnancy. I will have to ask at the first appt. It helps my knee. From what I can see is a non invasive pain relief and appears to be safe.

DH is leaving in the morning for a business trip. He comes back Sunday night. So at least it will make the time till O go by faster. I pray pray pray that we get pregnant this month. I still have a chance for a 2008 baby. Although I would never ever advocate an early delivery, with my history, 35/5 would be 12/26. 37 weeks would be 1/4. So somewhere between 12/21 and 1/4 would be delivery time most likely. IF and that is a big IF we get pregnant this month. I have a whole new respect for people that it takes months to conceive. I am so not used to that. I am secretly worried it won't work. Ok this month we can say that my uterus was still healing and that there was not enough lining. BUT, what if it doesn't work this month? Then what? I have already decided after 3 months of trying, I will request a referral back to my endo specialist. If I get pregnant before then, great! If not, then he can do a lap. It takes a few months to get back into him. He is also a RE as well.

Figured out my leave today. If I were to get pregnant this cycle and could build 250 hours of comp time (no problem with summer coming). I could go out Nov 9th full time and not return till mid April. Sounds FABULOUS to me!!! I hate snow and like to hibernate in the winter anyway.

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