32 weeks!

Yes, hit another milestone and baby is doing well. She has flunked every NST at the Peri's office. However, has passed the BPP with flying colors. Friday night we got slammed by that awful snow storm. Dh and I had an argument about the driveway being blown out. The car (Ford Explorer in 4 wheel drive) got stuck in the snow. SO I got mad and went and bought a new snowblower since I hated the other one so much. Only to fall in the snow 4 times trying to get through the driveway. Which earned me a trip to L&D for monitoring by my ob. Which then turned into the nurse giving me the riot act for being out on bedrest. Yeah, my ob forgot when he was talking to me on the phone. He sure as heck remembered by the time the nurse gave him test results. I was told that he said that I was NOT to be out of bed. That I was to go home, go to bed and put feet up. I was not allowed to get out except to pee. The nurse said and you KNOW you were supposed to be on bedrest. YIKES. Totall freaking busted. Which will make for an interesting situation when it turns January and dh goes back to work. Who will pick up the girls from school and daycare when he works late. So I think I may be seeing if the inlaws can pick Sara up from daycare for the the last few weeks.

Right now dh is pressuring me in attending his mother's Christmas Eve party. I told him there is never any place to sit. The only way I could go was if I went and sat in a recliner with my feet up. I don't want to intrude and put people out. My inlaws really really like their recliners. Not to mention if I got up to pee, someone would be inconsiderate and take it. Then mil would also give me grief over me playing it up. I think my ob is pretty clear on what I am supposed to do with the above instructions. I hate missing everything. Dh is being much better about the bedrest thing now. He sends me back to bed if I try to do anything. He has taken the downstairs apart and cleaned it. :). He told me if I went (for him), that I would not have to get up and that he would wait on me hand and foot (ok who stole my dh?). So trying to decide on what to do.

Miss Catie weighs 4lbs, 6ozs and is measuring right on!

So I have decided I am a freak.

Everytime I have an US, I hold my breath. Why? Because the things I took for granted before, I don't anymore. I don't think about WHEN I will bring a baby home but IF. I have literally lost count of how many USs I have had. Well over 10 by this point. When that wand is put on, the first thing I look for is movement and a heartbeat. Movement means there is still a heartbeat.

An odd thing happened on Friday that has bugged me ever since. The tech asked me if I wanted pictures. I said why? Why wouldn't a new mom want pictures of her baby? The tech said that some people that come in all the time (like me) get tired of it and say they have enough. All I could think was what if it was the last time I saw my baby alive. I guess it comes from having our loss at 13 weeks and getting no pictures even though we had three USs with him. I told her absolutely. Everytime, I want pictures. She said ok then.

I totally get paranoid to. Apparently, Miss Catie likes to practice her breathing alot. Which makes it very difficult for the tech to count her heartrate. It interferes or something. So the last three weeks, they have magnified her heart on the screen several times, zeroed in on it, etc. This time, I asked is there something wrong with her heart? The tech said no. She was just trying to get a heartrate and she was making it impossible with all of her breathing. She said she is excellent excellent excellent on US. You can't help that your heart just stops for a minute.

I still can't comprehend that we will be bringing a baby home next month. Nothing is ready. Yes, everything is bought. I just havn't had the heart to pack a hospital bag (though I should be bringing one to every appt just in case). Her dresser is not together. None of the clothes are washed. We have a tub of newborn clothes, but none of those are washed. The crib is up, but needs to be tightened and have the mattress raised. Her decorations are not up. The pack and play is not up and put together. Nothing is done. We have everything bought though.

Sometimes I think, we should have had a baby home already this Christmas. I should be preparing to go back to work after the new year, not going out of work. There is a lot of should haves. I often wonder why me? Why us? Why let us have him for so long only to snatch him away. I sometimes thought it was a blessing that we lost him at the brink of when we would have had to deliver. Then I think we lost so much more never seeing his face, hands, or anything. How could I have just agreed to the D&C like that knowing what would happen. I often think how Catie would not be coming if we hadn't of lost Peyton. It's funny. Sara said something the other day that totally freaked me out. She was talking about the new baby (Catie). She mentioned our other baby. She said specifically, the boy. We never found out his sex. We just felt like he was a boy and assumed it. Dh and I have never spoken about it outloud. Sara mentioned both babies. The one that we lost. She said that one was a boy. The one that didn't come home mommy. Now you have a girl. The new baby is a girl. We have never told her the sex of this baby. It's a surprise for our family and friends. She was absolutely sure. It totally gave me the chills. It totally gave dh the chills when I told him about it. I often think that people think we should forget about Peyton. How could we forget about him. For 13 weeks, he was alive, with a heartbeat, with a body and arms and legs and a face that we saw on US. Just because he never made it here, doesn't make it any less.

I have been debating on when to start on an antidepressant to ward off ppd. I think I am going to just tell my ob to prescribe something. I don't want to feel overwhelming sadness when Catie gets here. It's the holidays. I'm on bedrest. Well, I think it something that needs to be done. I hope he doesn't want to "talk" about it. I would rather not discuss it, but just let's just say, I need to be on something soon. I would rather he just go ahead and prescribe it and we'll be ok. I think if I tell him to prescribe it, he probably would. Just not Zoloft. UGGGH, that stuff makes you feel dead inside. You feel nothing on it. I have heard of similar experiences from other people.

So I must be the only one that freaks at an US if most parents don't want pictures of their new kids. That must make me the wierd one cause I want everything I can get.

30 Week Peri Appt

OMG am I really that far along? Ok I look it now totally. I can't believe how fast the time has flown. So for today's update. Had my 30 week peri appt. Did the us, bpp, nst, doppler blood flow study. Peri saw my bps and says they are bouncing. She agreed I needed to be taken off at work because I only get decent bps while laying down. Miss Catie (oh did I ever say we chose a name - Caitlyn Elise, Catie for short) does not like NST at all! She wouldn't stay on the monitor. She flunked. She aced the US. Maybe she is just a laid back baby or an athlete. I need a laidback kid. My other two are high strung. One very active preschooler and one over dramatic preteen. She was moving everywhere, fluid was good, good tone. So she passed the BPP. The nurse said they expect her to pass them in 2 weeks. So Catie, you have your marching orders.

They wanted to know if my ob was seeing me weekly yet to keep an eye on my bps. I said no. They asked me when I said I don't know. They see me weekly at the peri, but I guess they think he should too. I also am supposed to ask him if he wants an amnio done at 37 weeks. WHAT. No one said anything about that to me. I said probably not as a) I have never gotten that far b) he found it unnecessary because they needed to deliver now.

Oh and I gained 5 more lbs. Someone please explain how the baby gained 10 ozs and I gained 5lbs? The nurse said swelling. Blech.

Just when I thought she actually cares.... Hah, joke is on me.

Yep good ole mil. So I am on rest because of PTL and bp issues. Of course my mil finds a way to sucker me in. I have thought often about whether I wanted anyone to see me on mag. Trust me, not a very pretty sight. Imagine michelin man, covered in bruises, and hooked up to mag. ICK.

Well apparently, dh is doing too much, our house is a mess, and I am making a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe I should just drag her ass to a peri appt where I am made to lay on my left side as soon as I get there for 20 mins so they can check my bp. Then go through all of the testing. Apparently, I LIKE this. I like getting poked and prodded in places I didn't even know existed. Apparently, I like having contractions that hurt like hell when I have been on my feet too long. I like worrying myself about whether this baby is growing. Will she make it to 35 weeks. Will we have a baby in the NICU? I have decided she is a pretty sick woman.

Since it is December, she is expecting me to do all of the family duties. Attend Christmas eve party, play, Christmas night party, breakfast with Santa etc.

You know what mil? SCREW YOU. I thought that you ACTUALLY cared. Silly me for getting suckered into that again. Go ahead and just keep dramatizing yourself to the point of being embarassed. She only uses it when it works for her, then the rest of the time I am being overdramatic. Sick sick sick sick sick.

What on earth was I thinking?

What on earth was I thinking that bedrest could be a vacation. Yeah it sounded good for about a week. Now I am sick of it. There is NOTHING on tv to watch. Hardly anything to watch on Netflix because I have already rented everything that is new and watched it. Note - if your dh says that this is a great movie, ignore him. His suggestions have been stupid movies. Tropic Thunder should be up for millions of razzies as should be Happenings. I have watched how to rehab a cruise ship in a week. That was actually interesting. Tornado chasers =very stupid people who have a death wish. Jim Jones masacre. Hmmmm, happened before I was even born. Interesting. Hulk Hogan's E story. My days and nights are all mixed up. I stay up at night and sleep during the day.

So I had my ob and peri appt this past week. I see the peri every week now. Still on a every 2 weeks with my ob. Last week I was desparately ill with some wierd funky stomach flu virus that lasted a week. I was the ONLY one to get it in my family. Constant puking even sips of water. After 3 hours of this, I called my ob because I had to keep fluids down because of the stone and BH contractions. Well the nurse was giving me a hard time. For the first time ever, I really put it to my ob because I got pissed. When I first called, she said he was at the hospital and would talk to him when he came back. He comes back and orders Reglan. HELLO, I was already doing that (doubled the dose actually) and I couldn't even keep down water. So she goes and talks to him again and I request zofran. She comes back and says he will only order reglan as everything else was constrained in pregnancy. REALLY, this is news to me. I explain to her every which way that I am already doing that. In retrospect, I should have just sucked it up and gone to the ER instead of dealing with it. Anyway, she talks to him again. He says not much more to do. Drink fluids (which I couldn't keep down) and take reglan. Then she offers me a suppository. Fine and throw in a urine culture in it. Had to fight to get a urine culture. Can someone explain to me how zofran was now constrained?

Thought maybe it might be a kidney infection. So go do the urine culture. No rx at the lab. Lab calls her and she had faxed to the wrong lab. Have it now faxed to the right lab. Not sure how that happened as there are only TWO labs in town. One being the hospital. Go to the pharmacy. They know me there from when I was pregnant with Sara and on so much zofran. I must have looked bad. They had me sit down and told me if I had to puke, let them know. No rx for the suppository. The pharmacy calls the dr's office and she tells them I refused all meds. WTF. All meds? No, I refused reglan which was what I was already taking and was not working. So she gets my ob to give me the rx for compazine. Fastest rx ever filled.

Go home and take it. Finally after puking from 530am on, I stopped at 3pm. I still stayed sick from Thursday to Wednesday of the next week. Had an ob appt and the same nurse that I was on the phone with said I looked awful. Really, only been puking and nauseated for days now. She said my color looked off and really bad. Ugh. See my ob. He is not happy and I am not happy. So I ask him how come it was ok for THIS office to order 40 zofran a month when I was pregnant with Sara but now I can't take it? Also had it by iv several times this pregnancy with kidney infections. He squirmed for a bit. Then he said he that it needed preauthorization. Umm wrong again. I am allowed 10 zofran a month without authorization. Frankly, I would have paid out of pocket for the generic one. Which I found out was CHEAPER than compazine. He said with Sara he remembered it was a pain to get insurance authorization for it. Yeah but you have my records and it should be easy to copy the same thing for it. So we agreed he would start the authorization process for me. :)

He told me he really thought this was a virus and that I needed to push as many fluids as possible. I asked to get an iv so I could get the fluids. Again pesky insurance. He said insurance wouldn't pay for it as my labs from FIVE days before were ok. I think since it was Tuesday, he just wanted to be able to go home early. He did write another order and rxs for compazine and reglan. He gave advice on what to advoid to quit throwing up. He was right, it was a nasty virus. It was still miserable just the same.

As far as my peri appt, baby girls is in the 67th percentile for growth. She is huge!!! He tells me she is not huge, but good sized which is good. To me, she is huge and I am glad! They did a transvaginal US at the peri's because of all my contractions. I am not sure what is going on. When she measured my cervix, the tech acted all concerned. She wouldn't tell me anything. She said I would have to talk with my peri. Usually, they are happy to tell me everything is great. She didn't do that. The tech was also pissed I hadn't been checked yet. Apparently, nurses at my hospital are no longer allowed to do that anymore. My peri just said everything was ok for now. They didn't know what I started out with, so they were not sure. I remember the measurement as 2.04cms for the cervix. Well I went and looked that up and it shouldn't be less than 2.5cms! She did say I am on rest. I was not to be on my feet. She explained what that meant to dh. She gave us some ideas to help out at home. They told me to watch especially for extra discharge, extra mucous, any leaking or anything and it needs to be reported asap. So I guess I have some cervical changes going on. I plan to find out more on Friday when I go back. I mentioned the TV US to my ob. He asked what my peri said about it. I told him she said it was ok for now. He seemed to know I had a TV US done (maybe it was in the report). He said ok kind of relieved like. That was it. See ya in 2 weeks.

So the next day another peri appt for a NST. Baby was non reactive on the NST although she was moving tons. The nurse said that happens at this age. 50% are non reactive and that I will be scanned every week. Umm ok. From what I read, non reactive NST are 50% up to 28 weeks. Then 28-32 weeks, 15% are non reactive. After 32 weeks, it is delivery time for a non reactive NST. Fabulous. So I had a BPP done. She scored 8/10. She lost 2 points because of the NST. See ya in a week.

So next peri appt is next Friday and it will be a long appt because I have all the stuff done at this one. I have decided when I see my ob on the 9th that I am asking him to take me out of work completely. I am very fortunate and grateful to be able to work from home the last 2 months. However, it is getting harder to control my bp and I have to lay on my left side to do it. I also have a lot of swelling going on. Still have some nausea. TONS of heartburn. Besides I have decided I am about sick of new boss.

I have been relegated to intern status. I am used to running my own projects. I have him interfering on every single project, micromanaging every single thing I do. He is inexperienced and does not know what he is doing. We have an entire office full of people and from what I understand, they are all sitting on their asses sleeping because he does not have enough experience to train them. He seriously has a GS 5 admin tech training people many grades above her. On what I have no idea. He thinks I am going to start all these contracts in the next couple of weeks for them to follow. I did feel sorry for him at first. When he continually asks my advice and then says that's nice and does something opposite. Well figure it out. I heard that one of my coworkers that is at another agency is trying to get a job in Maine and has interviewed for it. If she gets it, I am applying for her job. There is nothing keeping me here now. My new boss asked if I were coming back. Umm for now. Are you actively seeking a job (for me to know and for him not to find out), no. If I happen to see something, I will not let it pass me by. Guess that is honest enough. Things have just swung too far in the other direction. I have a real problem when I see something that is not correct, standing by and watching it happen. I think it is time to part ways. I won't do it till I have another job lined up. I also told new boss, I will not be back till the middle of May. Good thing the union allows us to stay out for a year! I guess in some ways, God works in mysterious ways. So I am thinking I am going out on 12 December. I will not be available by phone or email.

So I snuck out Thanksgiving day and went to Kmart. What joy it was to go to a store!!! I knew that I could get in and out. We wanted a WII. I got it with several board games, wii games, ect. I was home in an hour. I paid for it with contractions for the rest of the day!!! BAD GIRL. I have been good since then.

Oh and why is my peri's new office located right next to a MALL. So not fair.

I stayed up on Thanksgiving night. I ordered a new nintendo ds with games for me and dh to share. HOORAY. Got it on Amazon with free shipping. Amazon rocked it this year. I also have a bike/jogging stroller coming for 50% off and free shipping and bunches of other things.

DH has now taken over most things. He goes grocery shopping with lists that I make. This time only one call. He buys the girls shoes. He is helping with Kirsten's school projects. He is being Mr. Mom. All he wants is a thank you once in a while.

So that's my update. On rest as much as possible and completely off my feet for now for bp issues and preterm labor. Pray she stays in for another 7 weeks please till 36 weeks. Can't deliver at my hospital unless she is 35 weeks.

More problems

So since yesterday, I have a headache. I have been taking tylenol around the clock. Like drinking water. Nada. Trace protein yesterday, 1+ this morning. 1+ this afteroon. Then 1+ tonight with 1+ leukocytes and trace blood. Called my ob's office at 3 pm because I felt awful. I felt like I had the flu. My head was pounding. My bp was up. I was nauseated. I had the nose bleed from hell last night. I noticed it bleeding last night. Then I sneezed. Blood went EVERYWHERE. Freaked me out and so much for my shirt. I was more worried about the couch! Luckily all on the shirt and the napkin that I grabbed (which was soaked). It lasted for 40 mins. Twice when I took the pressure off of it because it was backing up, clots came out. It finally stopped after 40 mins. So I called the dr's office this afternoon after still not feeling better. He wasn't in so they had to call him. He ordered me back to bed and Tylenol 3. Dh was gone on a day trip today. So I had to get the girls from school ( all of this with a pounding crushing headache). I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up the rx. Then when I left to go get Sara from the pharmacy, guess who pulls behind me. Yep my ob. Great, busted as I was supposed to be in bed, but I had no one to pick up the girls. Go to daycare where I turn off. Go get Sara. Drop off at inlaws where dh is already there. Go home take meds, go to bed. Only I can't sleep because I slept for 4 hours today. So I am now laying on the couch. Typing this laying down. I have my laptop on the ottoman in case you are wondering.

Also tonight I noticed I had leukocytes and blood in my urine. So I called my urologist's office. So now I am wondering if I have an infection and that is why I feel like crap. They call in the urinalysis to the lab. However, any meds will be ordered by my ob. Which is NOT what they told me. The plan was that if I thought I had one they would call in a rx for antibiotics to the pharmacy and have me do a urinalysis for culture. If the culture came back negative they would stop antibiotics. If they came back positive, then I was good. So that is pretty frustrating. I'm going to test in the morning and see if the strip is coming up.

My head feels better now. It is not completely gone.

26 Week 6 Day OB Appt

Ok, I am so miserable from the heartburn and rib pain. My poor ob, he just heard me whine about how miserable I am. My bps suck. I am hitting 90s/100 on the bottom. However, he wants me to watch it for another week and call if they don't drop. He'll add in procardia, which neither of us wants. Although procardia will help with the BH. He gave me scripts for heartburn medicine and for the rib pain (Tylenol 3). He didn't have the Er report. So he had a nurse pulling it because he wanted to review my labs and US. He asked what they checked for. I told him blood clots in the lung, gallbladder, and liver. I told him they gave me nothing but a discharge for 650mg of Tylenol. I told him I had taken the leftover Tylenol 3 for the rib pain Saturday night and last night. Tylenol in between. He said that was ok. He said probably gave you some sleep. As for the BH, he is a little worried about those. I didn't get checked (I didn't want to anyway, hate getting naked). He just looked at my log. I am to call if they are in a pattern (which they went into this week) and then if they last longer than 2 hours. If they last longer than 2 hours, then I need to get checked. Drink lots of water and rest rest rest rest rest. I am not on strict bedrest, but he wants me resting as much as possible for bp and the bh. I was telling you know I don't know too much about these, I was induced both times. I don't know what to do with these. Sometimes these stop me in my tracks. This is miserable. He agreed they are miserable. I am to call if they change, get closer together, are in a pattern or last longer than 2 hours. ugggh, I had them off and on all day yesterday. With her being breech, he said we don't really worry about that till 34 weeks. I told him I was convinced that she is staying that way. SHE NEVER MOVES OUT OF MY RIBS. Told him she freaked out the US Tech because her head was by my gallbladder. He said most of them do go head down by 34 weeks. I start my weekly peri appts next week and he was like oh good. Oh and then he asked me about the GTT. I said oh no, you had me do a 3 hour which I was NOT happy about it. I am NOT doing that again. He checked he said that was just 2 weeks ago. He said I did beautifully for it. I asked him if I had to do that again. He said nope. Once you pass it, you pass it. So I was supposed to go back in 2 weeks, however, the office is closed on Thursday (Thanksgiving) and Friday. I guess he is not seeing patients and taking a vacation on the Tuesday before because the receptionist said that he wasn't in that day (the other day he is in the office). So I see him next on 12/2 at 29 1/2 weeks. I guess that works because I see the peri on Fridays and my ob on Tuesdays now. He hadn't checked my report yet when he wrote out the rxs. So he is going to have a look at it later and if he thinks something is off, he will call. I'm bummed about being on even more rest. That just sucks. Dh isn't being very helpful lately as he thinks I am being lazy and says it must be nice.

Ong Rant about DH

So feel free to skip it. Don't get me wrong, I love my dh. He is a great father. However, I can't stand him lately. I feel under appreciated. Quite frankly I am SICK TO DEATH OF IT. I bust my tail to keep the house clean, only for it to get destroyed by the kids and more from HIM. This week has been awful. I have had contractions off and on. My ribs have been killing me. I feel he is unsupportive and a complete asshole right now. Everything with him is always rush, rush, rush. It's not my fault. It doesn't help that he has an undiagnosed anxiety disorder that needs to be medicated. There is nothing wrong with anxiety. In fact, I am about ready to ask my ob for meds myself. I feel like I have a 3rd kid around here. So what has been going on?

1) He has a sailor's mouth and a drill sergeant's bite. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a curse word. Which our lovely 3 year old daughter has so lovingly picked up. FABULOUS. I am not innocent in this either. However, I TRY really hard not to. EVERYTHING is done in Mr. Drill Sergeant's voice. These are little kids. You screaming at them for doing a kid thing or not moving fast enough or not whatever scares the living beejees out of them. I don't like hearing it, so why would they. They are small. You are big. Get it? This morning, I can hear him clearly yelling at Kirsten at 7:50am that she was to go get her coat. Not hey go get your coat. YELLING IT. When Kirsten came inside (because now I am contracting AGAIN), I told her to tell her dad to please stop yelling the neighborhood can hear him. He comes in yelling at me and says he was not yelling. I said yes you were I could hear every word you said clearly. If I can hear it, so can the neighbors. No wonder our one neighbor moved. He asked me what he said. I repeated it verbatim. He didn't say anything. Then he said we needed to talk tonight. Um no, you just need to STOP. It's easy. He has a xanax rx but has NOT been taking it.

2) I am sick of him saying it must be nice to be on the couch. Yeah. I am vegetating on the couch to keep this baby in for another 9 weeks. Sorry it's an inconvenience to you. It would be better than not being admitted to the hospital for the duration. Which would you prefer?

• 3) Sewer line. I have no idea why my dh requires massive amounts of toilet paper to wipe his butt. He will seriously go through an entire double roll of Charmin in ONE FREAKING TRIP. I keep wet toilet wipes in the bathroom for that oh so nice clean feeling. Yet he uses an entire roll. Tuesday, I noticed our washer was backing up. It empties into the laundry sink which empties into the sewer line. Hmmmm. We have ONE bathroom (Our next house WILL have 2 1/2 or more). Dh just came back from tdy again. I am sure he has CLOGGED the line again with his excessive toilet paper useage again. This time it is in the line. There is a small root at the city line that needs to be fixed. It is on city property. It is not on mine. However, they refuse to fix it. I refuse to dig up lines and spend 2k. So the solution is to dump root killer in once a month. No problems for several years till I got lazy last winter and didn't do it. Then after we lost the baby, the sewer backed up too. So fil and I track down to the local rental place and get a sewer snake. It costs $35 to rent. It is very heavy and dirty work. DH has NEVER EVER snaked the sewer. Nor has he cleaned the mess up. So we snaked it. Fil helped me clean up. Line fixed. Till last week. Again, lazy over the summer combined with being home all the time and not using the root killer. Made up for a slow line on Monday. I immediately dumped root killer in and did not use the water for 5 hours. Lines were running great by nighttime. Then this morning I awaken to him plunging the lines AGAIN. Except he does not know what he is doing and does a half assed job in doing it. My toilet is all scratched up from the snake because he doesn't know what he is doing. He comes in the bedroom and tells me my bathroom is unusable and he will take the kids to his parents. WTF AGAIN. This happens about once a week where I have to get involved. He plunges the toilet EVERY SINGLE DAY. Get a freaking clue. USE LESS TOILET PAPER. Of course I am pissed now. As usual I have to take care of it. Go in the bathroom and he has made a mess. Toilet water EVERYWHERE. Bowl scratched even more and overflowing. I grab the toilet snake and have it cleared in 15 mins. He needs to learn that in order to use a snake that you have to work it and rotate it to clear a clog and punch through it. Then you have to flush it enough to flush the clog through. I was also treated to him cussing me out and calling ME nasty names because I had to fix it. Which really has me pissed off because I have about had it. The clearing of the toilet has now sent me back into contractions and I am sure my bp is through the roof now. Which is NOT good because I have an ob appt at 10. I have a feeling I am going to be sent to the hospital for a NST and possibly admission if it doesn't come down. When I tried to express to him when I was done that THANK YOU was an appropriate response. He decided to be an ass and be all patronizing. We should worship the ground you walk on. I think part of this is I grew up in a house where we didn't have money and had to make do. If we didn't fix it, it didn't get fixed. I can fix a toilet. I can replace a toilet. I can unfreeze pipes and know how to fix one when it breaks. His dad took care of everything. Clogs the toilet, dad is there to fix it. You know what, for once, I would like to have someone take care of me!

Then he had the audacity to sit there and tell me this morning that I had not cleaned house. Yeah you are right. Because yesterday I made cupcakes for my family to enjoy. It was too much. Oh wait, just because I am not home doesn't mean I don' t have a job to do. Because I do work even though it is from home. You forget that I ran to the bank, mailed out bills, paid bills, took Kirsten to dance, picked Sara up from daycare, made dinner, got the girls ready to eat, cleaned off the island where they ate, took the trash bag out of the trashcan and tied it off, gave Sara a bath and meds, checked Kirsten's temp and gave her meds, mediated fights, and other things that I have forgotten about. I did absolutely nothing yesterday. This isn't a 10th of what I do in a day. Then he said maybe I should leave. You know what, pack your ass up and go to your momma. I really don't care right now. My life will be much easier.

He is bent out of shape because some of the stuff that I take care of he had to do this weekend. Kirsten's girl scout cookies came in. So I spent Monday night sorting through them all, putting each set in a separate bag with a sticky note that had name, what they ordered, what they owed, and how many boxes. Why did I do that? Because I knew he couldn't handle reading an order form and giving them the right boxes. Again rush rush rush, do it halfassed and it is wrong. Sorry, I can't walk around and do that right now. You need to spend some time with your daughter to do this. I asked him to help me go to BJ's for more tp (surprise) and some other things. He decided that now all of a sudden it was imperative to clean my car out. He would not get off of it. He doesn't drive my car (at least now anyway) because a NORMAL person would move a POWER seat back when getting into it. Not my dh. He gets in stretches his legs, leans back as hard as he can and broke my seat. I am 5'5. He is 6'4. So it is quite a gap. I can fix my seat. I just have to superglue the knob that holds the seat together back on and super glue the lever. I cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom on Friday night. I did not do the floor. It was too much. I asked him if he could please mop the floor. It is still not done. I asked him several weeks ago to please clean the toilet. He goes and it goes EVERYWHERE and I am not his momma. It sat for three weeks till I got so disgusted I cleaned it. Only to have him mess it up within 2 hours. he got mad and said it wasn't him but the girls. Umm sorry but we don't have aimers. The bathroom stayed SPOTLESS for 6 weeks while you were gone this summer.

Oh and his mother expects me to go testify in her deposition. I have nothing to say. I never talked with anyone but dh. I have to take an entire morning off to deal with this. Wonder if I can get a medical excuse and get out of it.

Don't get me wrong, I love my dh. He just needs to chill and HELP.

RIBS

My right ribs hurts so bad that I am in tears right now. This baby needs to turn NOW!!!

Miserable

No one told me that breech babies make you miserable. Especially when they are so high up. Don't get me wrong, I am estatic to still be pregnant. I have been pretty miserable this last week. Contractions that last an hour to 2 hours that are patterned now and HURT. A baby stuck so high up in my ribs with her head that she is compressing them. I was cleaning out my car today of trash and came across my discharge instructions. I have no idea wtf this dr's problem was. Meds - 650mg of Tylenol every 4-6 hours. See I left so mad on Saturday that I didn't even bother to read the paperwork. WTF. Was he serious? Did he not see I was already taking 1000mg of Tylenol every 4 hours ALREADY. Umm, yeah that didn't help. So why would almost HALF the dose work. I am still pissed about that. Return if you have nausea (check), vomiting (check), worse pain (check), and several other things that I was already in there and he did nothing for. I don't usually dog out ER doctors, I am still pretty pissed about Saturday. How about we send him in excruciating pain and jab him with a wand and then tell him that geez, I don't know why that hurt.

It is much better today. I still have intense pain at times in my right ribs. Very scary for this previous PE/HELLP patient. The contractions are sucking big time. I have an ob appt tomorrow so I will find out more then. Why didn't I call the office today? My ob is off on Wednesdays and I was afraid that the midwives would send me to the ER first and then on to L&D for evaluation. Quite frankly, I have had it with the ER. I keep having the words of the urologist in my head. You can go 100 times and it be nothing, if it is the ONE time that it is something, you need to be evaluated. I wish there was an easier way and I am tempted to tell them to take that stupid stone out. Of course, the urologist was right because every time except this last was something that needed to be dealt with urgently.

Adam lived without a rib....

Ok, so if Adam could live without a rib to make Eve, I think I can totally give up mine. I am ready to cut my rib out on my right side. Found some relief in the wierdest way on the staircase. No not some wierd thing. I picked up something on the staircase going upstairs. Ours is you go to the first landing (about 12 steps), then their is a step up to a second landing and turn. Then there are about 6 steps up to the second floor. Well it was on this second set of stairs that I tried to pick something up. I had one hand at the top (second floor) while I was on the landing. It was like wow pressure and pain offf. HOORAY. I obviously can't stand on the landing of my stairs all day and night though. It helped. Put both hands at the top, stand on the landing, and stretch a bit.

I have been thinking about how I would feel about a csection if this one doesn't turn. I know they can. Ummm, time is starting to run out here. I am 26 1/2 weeks. Every single US has had her breech.

So back to Adam could live without a rib. So if Adam can live without a rib, can we just go ahead and take out 2-3 of mine? Surgery would be a couple weeks recovery versus 9-14 weeks of pregnancy left.

For Scumsucking Drug Seekers

Let me tell you how much I hate you. You make it very difficult for someone that has a really painful condition to get pain relief in the ER when you go in with your fake symptoms. So what set me off this time. As everyone knows I am very high risk for preeclampsia. Actually, at this point I am diagnosed with PIH.

Yesterday, I started having terrible pain under my right rib. Seeing I have had pe before, I called my ob at 10pm. He thought it might be my gallbladder, but it wasn't tied to eating. In fact, I had barely anything to eat yesterday because I felt like crap. I was worried about my liver. However, my bp while up was not crazy high. My urine dip was negative last night and trace protein today. He told me to take some tylenol, pepcid, and use a heating pad and get some sleep. See if that would help. Call back if it is worse. This afternoon, after I couldn't take it anymore and after dh told me to call or he will, I called. My ob said I needed to get checked out in the ER and have some labs run and an US done.

My pain was an easy 8 out of 10. Worse than when I had a kidney stone. Worse than having a baby. They asked me if I wanted pain relief. HELL YES. They offered tylenol and zofran. Except one thing. I had tylenol at 12 therefore could not have more tylenol. I remember thinking in that haze of pain today, they can't be seriously offering me tylenol. The dr pressed under my rib. I had tears because it hurt so bad. When I went to have the US. OMG, that was excruciating. It was so bad that I was crying during it and the tech kept saying how sorry she was. I did NOT cry when I had a kidney stone. I did NOT cry when I had a kidney infection. I have NOT cried when in labor with EITHER of my girls. Now, Kirsten, I had an epidural at the beginning because my bp was so high. With Sara, my epidural did not work. I got it too late because I went too fast. I did not cry with either. I didn't cry when I tore all the cartlige in my knee. This, this hurt.

I have NO idea why I was not given pain relief. I am quite pissed about it. I have an idea that all you scumsucking people that claim to have a migraine or whatever just to get drugs makes it difficult for the people who really do have pain.

All I have to say is THANK GOD for the little lock on the cabinet on the wall at the end of my bed. That little lock served as a focal point for the excruciating pain that was going on. I was quite pissed when I left the ER. I was relieved it was not my liver or gallbladder. It was muscular skeletal pain (costochronditis) from the uterus pushing into my ribs. As soon as I got home and I knew it was not my liver or gallbladder, I went searching for the prescription that I did not use with the kidney stone of Tylenol 3 and finally got some relief. Threw up some because codeine does that to me. It was a small price to pay to get relief. While it didn't kill it, it has taken the edge off of it so I could deal with it.

This is the one time that I hope like hell the hospital sends me one of those stupid little press ganey things. I usually try and do a really nice job on it for doctors and nurses because I know there are people that are asses and drug seekers out there. This time, I fully intend to let the administration know exactly what happened. While I didn't say anything to the nurse or doctor or make demands. I never rang the call bell or anything. I think they got the point I was quite pissed when I left because of the here is tylenol that I had ALREADY freaking taken. Which meant that I didn't get tylenol because you can't take a double dose of it. I am just so pissed. I still don't understand WHY the nurse thought that I shouldn't have been in pain. It made me wonder if they had ordered something and SHE FORGOT TO GIVE IT TO ME. I did hear the dr say he wasn't sure what I could have being pregnant. I heard the nurse mention the midwife in my ob's office was on duty and that they could call her. Nothing after that. Why in hell would she think after I had an excruciating US where I was BAWLING because the wand was pressed right where it was excruciating pain that I would have been suddenly cured.

All I have to say is please God, don't let me get a blockage from that stupid stone that is stuck in my ueter. I don't want to have to go back for to the ER for that. My drs have advised that if I have severe back pain where the kidney is I have to go get evaluated. Unfortunately, it is not something that can be waited on via US. I have to get in and get a renal US and iv fluids right away. Although, my urologist's office has told me if anything like this happens with the kidney stone, I am to instruct the ER to please call the oncall drs for my urologist so that they can confirm what is going on. Please God, don't let me be back in the ER again. I didn't ask for this to happen and I am so done. If my ob thinks he is going to be pressing on that area when I have my appt next week, he is nuts. Our appt will start out with don't touch this area unless you are prepared to do something about it. Hell, I would have LOVED a nice big shot of toradol. Anti-inflammatory for this type of thing and it rocks. Unfortunately being pregnant, I can't have anti-inflammatories.

Oh and the tech (love her, she did my us when I thought I was miscarrying at 6 weeks and did the US when I had the kidney stone) did a quick check on the baby because the US was so rough. I think she felt bad. Baby is still a girl. HB was 136. She is STILL BREECH. She asked me if I had thought about a csection. I said only if I get as sick as I was with Kirsten. I hadn't thought about it if everything was ok.

I PASSED!

Hooray I was right. I totally slamdunked that 3hr GTT test. They should have just let me do the 1hr. All that torture for NOTHING. I even drank dr pepper the day before (caffiene for the headache) and eggnog that night (don't knock it and it was what I was craving). I gained 7lbs in 2 weeks!!!! WTH! No it is not from the eggnog. I didn't start that till a couple of days ago and I had already gained 5 by the time of my pcp appt. My ob said not to worry, now is the time for rapid growth. Easy for him to say. He isn't weighing an extra 7 lbs. I am measuring ok. He said don't worry about that. The baby's position affects a lot of that. (No ONE realizes I am pregnant. I mean I know I am overweight, but not one person realizes it. :() Even a friend of mine that I had not seen in 2 months said nope. Told him I had been worrying for 2 weeks about that. He said I measure right on at 25 weeks. Doesn't the flab get in the way of that? I mean if you are overweight, wouldn't you have a few extra centimeters? He said that this baby is very high up. He said that if they stand alot, it makes you a lot smaller. Ok I go for the standing up. Because this baby likes to jam her head into my ribs (trust me, you don't mistake that for feet) and her feet kick my cervix and bladder. I have an US in 3 weeks. So one of the first things I plan on asking. That and how much does she weigh?

He was pleased that my bp came down. He said that there were a couple of 90s but he was not too worried about it. I guess because it is not consistent. Told him my pcp freaked out on Monday because my bp was 148/92. She said he might add in another med. He said probably aldomet. I said well she said probably procardia. He said yep he could do that too. Aldomet doesn't do jack for me. I guess the procardia would be good for the BH. So as far as bp, keep doing what I am doing because it is working for me. He said continue working at home fulltime. I told him I had been hanging out on the couch. It goes up when I go grocery shopping, etc. So keep doing what I have been doing. Means me and my couch get to be friends.

See ya in 2 weeks. So I have been on biweekly appts since 20 weeks 6 days. Wondering when weekly ones will start. I am guessing 28-30 weeks.

24 Weeks and Viable

Finally, Viability. It feels like a huge milestone has been hit. So I have been on WAH for a week now. It is really really nice. I am able to work around my appts (which are going to be picking up big time in a few more weeks) when I need to. I am able to take an hour for lunch and rest and extend my work time out. I sleep at least an hour later every day since I am not commuting. I havn't filled my gas tank in a week and I am at 3/4 of a tank! My bps have done exactly what my ob hoped and have come down. They are still running higher than before, but more in the 120-130s/80s range. The BH I still have, but not as bad or as often as before. It seems like if I hang out on the couch and at home and take it easy, everything is behaving. I have lost my rings. My hands keep swelling and my dh said take them off before they have to be cutoff. So off they came. The first few days I felt naked without them. I kind of miss them.

Took Kirsten to HSM 3 last night. To be 9 again, lol. I am sure I would have loved this movie if I was 9. It just didn't do it for me, lol. While we were waiting in line, sure enough BH started up and didn't stop till halfway through the movie. Then I have had a headache off and on for the last few days. Today it was REALLY bad. I was like is this a migraine, is it a pe headache, what's going on. Then I realized the baby hadn't moved all day and started freaking. So took a fiorinal to knock out the headache after I checked my bp. No protein and bp was ok. This was a migraine. Drank a glass of OJ. Got the doppler out. Found her heartbeat right away and it was 142-145. Then tonight she decided to make her presence known for quite a while. So all was well. Hopefully just a sleepy baby today. She totally freaks me out at times because she is not nearly as active as Kirsten and Sara. I will definitely have to do kick counts with this baby.

Just let everyone know I am ok. Just hanging out and keeping quiet. I know don't laugh! Turned in my note for full time WAH. My poor new boss didn't know how to take it. He said well I guess I don't have a choice do I? I said well either leave or WAH but we are NOT loosing another baby again. So he allowed me to do WAH. He did ask me when I would be back? I said May. LOL. The hardest thing about that is eliminating distractions and getting into a schedule. I seem to be adjusting well. One of the 12's that was coming in decided not to come in. The third person on the list is not qualified! New boss said he is going to readvertise. Guess who is without a doubt eligible now? ME. I got my step increase as of last week. So I am definitely qualified. The best part is they can't eliminate me because of being pregnant. Works for me. So I am going to apply for it and see what happens.

22 week 6 day OB appt and ER FU

Well first off good news and bad news. Bad news my bp sucks right now. I have hit 100 diastolic a couple of times and my ob was not happy with my pressures. They have been mostly in the 90s diastolic with a few normal ones. He was not sure if it had to do with the infection I had over the weekend or if they were up. I told him my pressures were labile the week before and that usually means it is only a matter of time. (wow did I say that???). He didn't say anything. I think I kind of shocked him a bit on that one. He said he could increase the meds, but really did not want to do that at this point. I agree with this. I said I can work from home full time with a medical note or go out on leave. He left the choice to me. I chose work at home full time. This way I can work on the couch and keep my feet up (did that today and stayed on the couch and bp was 120/88). Why use up all of my leave now. The less leave I use, the more time after baby is born I have. :) I like that he is giving me a voice. It makes me feel like I have some control in a disease that is uncontrollable. I have to admit I am very worried about this little one. I know that preeclampsia can turn in hours/minutes. So I wonder how long I have. This week I started having trace protein and I had trace protein in the office. I will be doing a 24 hr urine early next week. I'm waiting for the Augmentin to stop killing my stomach.

Other news, baby is very high up. Even my ob said so. He went to measure my stomach and I said she is high up and he said yes she is. Her heartbeat was great. So everything with baby is ok. Oh and with my bp, he said he expects that they will start dropping soon. If they don't drop or if they go even higher like hitting a 100 like they did on Saturday, I am to call. It seems as long as I stay couch bound, I am ok. Up moving and cleaning, and up they go. :( I'm sure my boss will freak tomorrow. Don't care anymore. If he gives me crap, then I am heading straight to EEO. Called old boss this morning and she about died when I told her. I mean if she can do full time WAH for retirement, I can do it for medical. My ob wrote for pregnancy induced hypertension. YIKES. Oh and it looks like I am on biweekly appts starting now. He told me to keep my next appt. He was going to go 4 weeks and then he said no. See you in 2. WOW. I am getting closer. I am trying to wrap my brain around having a new baby in a few months. She better still be a girl!!!

Oh and my inlaws. Ugggh, they just don't understand. Saw the urologist on Tuesday. Keep doing what I am doing. I did all of the right things this weekend. Drink lots of fluids and keep taking cranberry supplements. If I get pain, go immediately to the ER to rule out a blockage. I complained that they are going to know me on a first name basis in the ER. She said I could go a hundred times and everything is fine. If it is the one time that I went. Well. You know. This time I had some funky bacteria that was resistant to everything. I found out if I had had a fever, I would have been admitted. Scary stuff. So I am glad that I went. My inlaws think I am being a big baby about this. Maybe. My mil said I had gone to the ER too much. However, there is no way to tell if it there is a blockage from the stone unless I go and get a renal US. My ob and urologist have told me to go! What if I had not of gone this weekend? What if we lost another baby to a severe infection? It's bad enough I had to have iv antibiotics and 875mg Augmentin 2 xs a day. They don't give that for a cold. So I have to ignore them and just do what the drs that went to med school say. WHO really cares for what mil says. Oh yeah, she is going on and on about her knee surgery coming up and how she will be an invalid. I had knee surgery and was up and around THAT day a few hours after surgery. Mine was pretty invasive. I was walking without crutches in a week (which gave my orthopedist a heart attack and having him ask me nicely to please use them for another oh 6-8 weeks). So I just have to ignore her.

So keep the prayers coming.

Work Rant

So I called old boss today to let her know what is going on. She has decided to go on retirement at work mode. She is going on fulltime wah. Honestly, I don't blame her one bit. She tells me today that our new boss, who doesn't know anything. Who's ass I saved 30 September from a huge huge screwup. Who just bows down to everything is now Employee of the Month. WTF. WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF. Are you kidding me? You have to be freaking kidding me. How the hell can someone who is in TRAINING get employee of the month? Please explain this to me. Oh wait, it's the good old boy network.

I can't wait to see what he got it for. My guess is it is for a huge project that we did for another agency. But wait let's see. I AM THE ONE THAT WROTE THE MASTER CONTRACT, SET THEM UP, AND DID ALL THE NOTICES AND ANSWERED ALL OF THE QUESTIONS. Yeah me. I set up the master contract for them to ALL COPY FROM. All they had to do was copy the format and the clauses that I RESEARCHED (old boss researched clauses too). It was MY BUTT THAT STAYED LATE ON FRIDAY NIGHTS TO ENSURE THAT THE WORK GOT OUT AND CORRECTED HIS MISTAKES. His ass sat at home on the weekends.

Yeah me. I saved his ass on the last day of the fiscal year. See I couldn't figure out why in the world the company was not in our financial system. I mean if he had obligated the contract and I awarded mine after his (had to delay mine a bit due to an issue with the pm giving me the wrong electronic file). His should have been there. It really bothered me. So I went and started poking around. I discovered that he never obligated the contract (this wasn't the first one that this had happened on). I toyed with the idea of not saying anything. Not say anything and we just lost over a million dollars and would have made him look really bad. Say something and he can obligate it in time and the money was safe. Yeah an over a million dollar mistake. So I said something. I would hope that if I made a mistake, someone would have fixed it for me. So I told him and he got it obligated in the nick of time. He never even wondered why it wasn't there but I did. My old boss agreed with this. Everyone in the office is pissed. Royally pissed. The purchasing agent is pissed because she feels she did so much. Ummm, not unless you count her many coffee breaks. The other specialist is pissed because she knows I did the work behind the scenes for these contracts and the accolades are going to the wrong person. I am pissed because I have been there for 8 years. I have cleaned up that crap that people have done, issued things emergently, found problems and fixed them without anyone telling me too, and all at a lesser pay grade. No one in 8 years has ever put me up for employee of the month. Yeah, I am pissed.

I said you know what. A) I am glad that I won't be there to see it tomorrow. B) I would have walked out of the ceremony C) I am done. It seems that no matter how much you give, do, bust your tail, it is not appreciated. I am waiting for a position to open, same grade level or higher anywhere but here. Seeing that my bp sucks and I have this kidney infection, I am going to see about going out on full time wah as soon as possible. If I am given problems with it (seeing we now have interns on an alternate work schedule, old boss is on fulltime wah for convenience sake, etc), I will file a huge pregnancy discrimination complaint. I have decided I am done. I'll try and wah for as long as my ob will let me. Then I am taking a nice long maternity leave. They can all kiss my ass. That's just how I feel right now. It was the biggest slap in the face to give someone who has been there for 2 months employee of the month who didn't even know how to do the work. So kiss my ass agency. Hopefully I can get picked up somewhere else soon.

What a weekend!!!

So last you guys heard I had been in the ER Thursday night/Friday morning because of kidney stone flareup. WRONG. Yesterday morning I got a call saying that my beautiful clean urine on the strip grew something in the lab. I can't remember the name of it, but it didn't sound good. She asked if they put me on antibiotics. Um no. She said the ER dr wanted to call in Bactrim, but that hasn't worked in the past for me. I couldn't remember the antibiotic that my ob put me on before. I told the nurse that I had to call my ob's office in the morning first thing, I could find out what it is and have them call it in for me. So even though I didn't have "the traditional UTI symptoms" (do I ever), I still had bad back, flank and stomach pain. I felt blah and literally slept the weekend away. Sunday night, all of a sudden I got sick. Nausea, bad nausea. I took Reglan and pepcid and it did not help. I felt like I had the flu. It dawned on me, that these were the symptoms the urologist gave me to get my hiney back to the ER. Since I am one of those that gets a kidney infection and blows it off till it is really bad.

So back to the ER. They were ready for me, HOORAY. Labs pulled from Friday morning and everything. Then I saw who the dr was. I thought, oh no. She was the one that told me that I did not look like I had a kidney stone in June because I did look like I was in enough pain. Great. Except one thing. She's pregnant too and due the same day as me! Go figure. So she says I know you. I said yeah kidney stone in June that two urologists say needs surgery to come out. Viola pain meds ordered, Thank God because I was really hurting by that point. I think she remembered she told me that I did not look in that much pain and was like oh crap, she really did have a stone. She was ms excellent doc. She ordered an iv right away and iv antibiotics. It was clear this was now a kidney infection and I am guessing serious at that. Seeing I had the urine run on Thursday night and it is now 3 nights later and I was on no antibiotics. I was there seriously trying to hold my puke back. I was more worried about getting zofran than a pain med cause I hate puking. That's what I asked for. lol. So iv started. Antibiotics hung (it was antibiotic night last night as several of us were getting them, Friday morning was pain med night).

So they reran labs, reran my urine culture, got the zofran, nubain, antibiotics, and another bag of fluids, which made me pee constantly (finally peeing again). They called my urologist who called me this morning and made room into the schedule for me tomorrow. They also called my ob (wasn't sure why as this was a medical problem). I heard her keep telling him that I had cultured out urine from 3 days ago. Yes my urine was clean on the strip but I was presenting with kidney infection symptoms (uh yeah, she did the pound on the back thing and it hurt like hell). She told him I was not running a fever. She came back and said that my ob gave the ok for me to be released. Still confused about that one. I feel terrible that she called him at home and woke him up at 1am. I said you called him at 1am and woke him up? She said yep. I said oh I feel terrible. She said oh well he'll get over it. Yikes. Glad I am not a dr. I was released on drink lots of fluids and 875mg of Augmentin 2 x's a day for 10 days. YIKES. That's a lot of antibiotics. Secretly I am relieved and glad they prescribed all of those antibiotics. We lost a baby to a kidney infection that was severe. I just can't do that again. I have been worried sick about this baby because of it. They assure me this will take care of it. I didn't even have to say that we lost a baby to this before. They just ordered it all up. Thank goodness.

So I came home and crashed and slept and slept. At 1030 am my urologist called. I have to be in their office at 10 am tomorrow morning. They asked me when I could come in and penciled me in. I called my ob's office and made an appt because my ob said I was to be in the office this week. I wasn't expecting to be in there till 30 October. So I have an appt on Thursday. Oh and did I mention my bp SUCKS EGGS. Yeah, I faxed those in. Hope I get no calls tomorrow to get my hiney down there. I just have been hanging out on my left side. This afternoon was 136/96, then 125/90 after a relaxing warm bath tonight.

Oh and if I start running a fever, I have to go back to the ER immediately again. Fabulous. I'm starting to get to know the crew.

BP

So my bp was up all day yesterday! 140/101; 139/101; 137/97. YIKES. This was after being in bed all day because I didn't get home from the ER till 5am. So I decided to stay flat and take it easy this weekend. Me, the couch and Netflix have a date for this weekend. Today, my bp was 127/89; 112/81. So MUCH MUCH better. I am not comfortable with the above readings. I am going to wait and send them in on Monday morning. I am going to call the nurse line and fax the readings and let him see where they are at. At this point, I am not sure what to make of these readings. I am thinking I just need to rest more. That is almost impossible when I work 3 days a week in the city. At least when I work from home, I can keep my feet up. I can't do that in Buffalo. No protein today so that is good. I feel like I am super nerd. I have to test my urine each day. I don't know if I am being proactive or bordering on obsessive. Probably a little of both. I just don't want it to sneak up on me. I start my 24 hr urine test tomorrow. What fun. I get to collect my pee for 24 hours.

Did you know it is possible for a kidney stone to present on the opposite side of where it is? I did a little research into it when my boss said the same thing happened to her. It's pretty rare, but it DOES happen. One study I found had a review of 643 cases. Out of those cases, THREE presented on the other side. I really want to get into my pcp and discuss this. However, I read in the paper today that she was in a major car accident on Thursday. Please pray that she is ok. The paper said she crossed the center line, hit a utility pole, rolled over twice, and came to a rest on top of the wheels 150 ft away from where she struck the pole. It said she had to be cut out of the car. How scary for her. I have been worried about her because she has been so worn out lately. I could tell when we go in that she was exhausted. New baby, did not take time off from work after having baby, working insane hours, and yucky Aldomet. Hopefully, she'll take care of herself now. The paper said she was lifeflighted and treated and released. She is probably mortified she made the paper. It was kind of hard to miss the article as right next to it was a picture of my baby girl. Sara made the paper too. Her daycare had firefighter day and Sara was right in the center of the pic with the firefighter. She has been going around saying stop, drop, and roll. So she got it.

Mil and Fil offered to take the girls overnight. We said GO AHEAD. So no kiddos tonight. Wil take it easy though.

More troubles.....

So last night I was doing ok. Had some BH when I went and took Kirsten to cheer comp. Then I had this AWFUL pain on the left side. It went from my back around my side and to the front and it came in WAVES. I remember thinking hmmm this reminds me of my kidney stone. However, that is on the RIGHT side. It was so bad I could barely even move for an hour and a half. What threw me off was that I had BH too!!! WTH. It finally eased up at 1030 but was still bad. Tried Tylenol, heating pad, laying down. Dh wanted to call an ambulance. I told him NO FREAKING WAY. At 1030, spoke with a friend of mine who is a nurse. She gave me my kick in the butt to reality. She said they knew what they were getting into with medicine. It was time for me to call. I hated doing it, but I did. It was like 1115pm by this point. My poor ob must have been asleep or something. Cause after going over everything, he asked what time was it. I immediately apologized and said I am so sorry it is very late it is 1115. He said no no no no, no it is ok. I just wanted to know how long this had been going on. So finally I said I am going to the Er. He said if it was nothing they would send me home. Of course, when I got there, the only time in a rural hospital, I would show up when 3 ambulances had just rolled in. So into the waiting room I waited till they got those people settled.

Get called back and my bp was 134/94. Pulse was 114. YIKES. The dr made it in before the nurse. As soon as they heard I had a history of kidney stones, in went a liter of fluids FAST. They offered me pain meds but I declined because I could feel the baby kicking. It just bothered me taking it when I could feel her, kwim. Then they came back in and said I was getting a renal US. That was it. I caved and they gave me Nubain. Which helped with the pain, but made me very sick to my stomach. So they did the US. Came back and said my US has not changed since June. They were not sure why it started on the left or what was going on. Everything was ok with me and baby. Released me on tylenol 3 which I did not fill, makes me puke plus not enough pain for that now. No protein in urine. They took my bp again, 147/94!!!!! TOO HIGH. Came home called my boss and called out. She said with her stones, sometimes the pain would be on the opposite side. YIKES. Off to bed I went. I did not getup till 2 today. Checked bp and it was 140/101. Even more yikes. Stayed on couch till I went to get Kirsten and Sara. Checked this evening 139/101. DOUBLE YIKES. Means that my bp is now higher. I didn't call my ob yet because for now all that can be done is to stay on my left side and rest. Pharmacy is not open yet.

I have to take Sara to dance tomorrow morning and fu with my pcp from the ER. Then Netflix, the couch, and I have a date. If it is still high, I guess I will be calling. THIS TOTALLY SUCKS. Twice in one freaking weekend.

Reflections

I have been reflecting a lot in the last few days and doing what I need to do to get everyone ready. I was surprised that my inlaws did not run away screaming and that my mil actually feigned interest in what was going on. SHOCK. I told her that they said I will get sick. That they will be watching me intensively at 28 weeks and beyond. That I will have to be on mag at delivery. She asked what mag was. I told her it's a drug given by IV to stop and prevent seizures. I will be on it at delivery and for 48 hours afterwards. Hmm, guess I won't be leaving 36 hours after delivery this time huh? I think I freaked her out when I told her it was a drug that prevented seizures. They were not there when Kirsten was born. No one was. I am trying very hard to keep my anxieties in check, but not a lot of people understand. I have been emailing back and forth with another girl 8 weeks ahead of me who is already on bedest. We have been commiserating.

I keep thinking about my appts that I had. My peri was so dead set that I was going to get PE and I know she is right. She has been doing this for over 25 years. The plan that she has laid out for me ob is quite intensive and strict. I keep thinking about my ob appt. My ob has always been an optimistic guy for the entire time that I have seen him. I don't know, maybe he had a bad day. For once, he was not optimistic and he was dead serious too. Through severe pih with Sara. He was like this is ok. Through the staff freaking out over my bps when she was born. He never ever let me see him freak even when I was and others were. He did tell me after she was born how worried he was. I remember thinking, funny he never showed it. Even when I had the MC he was optimistic. You can try again. This isn't the end of the world. You can pick up the peices and go on. It wasn't my fault (somehow no one will ever be able to convince me of that, if I had only done a million different things, maybe things would have been different). Even at the beginning of this pregnancy (or maybe it was Peyton's), I asked what he thought about me getting pe and delivering early again? He said some women he thought he needed to deliver but they surprised him. This time there was none of that. Just that I was very high risk for pe again (I guess that is better than Dr. W's assessment right?).

Not this time. This time he came in with a very serious face and said Well. No it's a happy go lucky world today or anything like that. He knew that I knew. I know way more than the average patient on PE. I can walk you through the labs needed, what they mean, what they check for, what the levels should be. I don't have to consult a book or notes for that. I can look at the US and realize instantly that something was not right. I knew it that day at Dr. W's office. The tech kept trying to reassure me and said you know maybe I don't have the right artery. I told her I knew. I knew it meant that I was now even more high risk for pe (at the time I didn't realize that it jumped to 75-85% based on US alone). I knew that the placenta is not getting enough blood. I do know that it was unilateral and not bilateral. Bilateral is like the kiss of death and means a very early very premature delivery. The sound that the doppler US makes is pretty unique. I realized I had been hearing it on a doppler at home for weeks now (since I got the thing). At the time, I worried that maybe that it was the baby's hb I was hearing that was skipping like that. But it was too slow, so I put it out of my mind. Until the day of the US at the peri's when I heard that unmistakable sound again. It's like a heart skipping a beat or something when you hear it. I did tell my ob that I found it odd that Dr. W didn't even have to explain what it meant because I already knew. We just went over the gameplan and the plusses and minuses. Plusses - it's unilateral, not bilateral. You have great doctors and she seems to think I can get to 35 weeks. Baby is doing well for now. Minuses - bad ob history, notching, etc means pe. Hopefully it won't be as severe. I have this terrible terrible feeling that this baby might possibly be stillborn. Maybe if we hadn't of had a 2nd trimester mc I would feel different. I already know that bad things happen to good people. If I had the unfortunate experience of a 2nd trimester mc to infection, Severe pe and Severe pih well why not me. It happened once, it could very well happen again.

Like I said, what got me was the ummm Well. How else do you deliver bad news? I said you got Dr. W's report. That was all the intro he needed. I bet money he poured over my records from Kirsten again. Too bad they are all in french. You can get an idea of what happened. I have decided that if I am as sick as I was with Kirsten, I do not want to be induced. Just take the baby by csection. I do not want to go through as much as I went through with her. Quite frankly after discussing it with several military drs, the consensus was they would have done an emergency csection at midnight and worried about the transfusing later. I've had two vaginal births. So I am ok with it. A question for later at my next appt. I just can't get over how serious he was. I wonder if possibly another mom that had to have the emergency surgery on that day, I wondered if it was because he had to give the news there was no heartbeat as well.

So maybe things will look up at the next appt. Maybe it wasn't that my stuff wasn't all that bad and he just had a bad day. The good news is that they are watching me carefully. Baby will be here in January which means I can open the windows when I burn up from the mag.

20 week appt and BIG WHINE POST AHEAD

Feel free to skip this post. I had my 20 week ob appt and my ob agrees with my peri. Except he changed it to I am very high risk for pe instead of you will get sick like my peri said. He's an optimist. Guess that's why I like him as a doc. My peri recommended in her report that I get the pe labs done for the second trimester. I have to do a 24 hour urine this week (FUN). Oh and she slipped in a 3 hour GTT and did NOT tell me about it. Neither did my ob till he brought me my lab slips. I actually said oh man are you kidding me? I have NEVER been diabetic! It's the one thing that is good. I have to sit at the lab for the WHOLE three hours. I always almost pass out from just the regular one hour one and it makes me sick as a dog!!!! He said he was afraid that yes I have to do it but I can take my new wireless laptop to the lab with me. I said they don't have wireless. Grrr. Basically I have to stay on top of my bps. If they go over 95, I have to call about it. My peri recommended bp surveillence in the office, however he said that I know about bps and was really good about keeping an eye on them and that he is ok with letting me do that at home. I was to CALL if they are over 95 (do go ahead and kick me in the butt if I need it guys). He said there are some patients that he worried about, but I was not one of them (he would have hated me as a patient when I was pregnant with Kirsten). He said the uterine doppler was for pe and not pe and pih. So basically means pe. I asked how long he keeps people on mag and he said 48 hours after delivery. I told him fine as long as he gives me zofran for the puking (I puked the entire time while on it with Kirsten). I told him I figured I wasn't getting out of mag anyway after he got Kirsten's records based on his reaction to them. I asked him if I was on mag did I have to go to the ICU like with Kirsten (well it was an ICU room on L&D). He said no not unless I have bad hemodynamic changes? I'm guessing that means crappy bloodwork. He can't tell me if it will be as bad as it was with Kirsten. He went over what the peri told me. She'll see me at 28 weeks, then every two weeks till 32 weeks and then weekly till delivery. Her goal was 35 weeks. I'll be doing non stress tests each week in the peri's office as well. At the peri visits, she'll be doing the growth USs, doppler blood flow studies, NSTs, and BPPs. Of course the obligatory bp check. As far as all of these braxton hicks contractions I keep having. As long as they are not in a pattern or don't hurt they are ok. Just get off my feet when I have them. I am to call if they are continuing on rest, they hurt, or have a pattern to them. We talked about leave and they know I have enough leave to go out whenever I need to. So that was it. See you in 4 weeks. Ugh, 3 hour GTT will be in 4 weeks and they only do it during the week. Not a happy camper! I'm glad they are being proactive and aggressive, but I just have to say it stinks. I am thinking it is not really fair either. It is what it is and it would be worse to not have drs watching me and everything. It just stinks.

I am going to hate hearing from certain people I told you so. Because SOME people in my family will LOVE to rub it in and say see I told you so. I'm sorry, NO ONE deserves pe ever. I have so many thoughts. I mean I have kind of made my peace with PE. It's just the way it is for me and my body. My body HATES pregnancy. I am just not one of those lucky people that have the carefree pregnancy.

I have made my peace with mag. I hate mag. It is a necessary evil. Yes it is awful. BUT, it will save your life. So as awful as it is you just have to deal with 2 awful days of it and then you feel much better afterwards. I mean how can you not when it makes you feel so bad.

I just worry about A) me being ok B) Baby being ok and not in the NICU C) my dh and girls. When I had severe pe before, it was really really bad. It was just me and dh. We didn't have kids then. I just don't want to hear I told you so from anyone. I don't think there was ANYTHING wrong with trying for another child even with my history. Because before even getting pregnant, my chances were 25-40% for pe again. That means 60-75% chance for everything to be ok. Those are good odds. I just drew the unlucky straw.

The good news is that I have good drs this time. They are all over this like white on rice. I know that they will take care of me (at least I hope so). I know so much more about what to look for and what to call for.

I need to take this ONE day at a time !!!

Another PE post

So I have been thinking for the last few days. I guess these are just some random thoughts. I have been reflecting back to when Kirsten was born. How the ob that I had (belgian) just blew off everything and the military drs were doing all they could to flag their attention. I remember numerous trips to L&D that was an hour away. I only had one L&D trip with Sara. I remember thinking everyone was saying how sick I was. You know I just didn't feel THAT sick. I still remember lying in L&D in the area that was the MICU for labor patients that were really really sick. I remember no one being allowed in to see me. I remember how the room was kept as unstimulated as possible. How the room was kept dark. How my dh didn't say much. There wasn't the jovial celebration that you see on a Baby Story. In fact, there was no tv in my room at all. There was a nurse that stayed with us quietly doing stuff in the corner. Funny how I thought that was normal for every mom.

I worry about this time. I am not so worried about getting sick or being on mag anymore. According to my peri, it's a given. So I guess I have made my peace with that. You will get mag and it will suck but you have had it before and was ok afterwards. I guess I worry about my girls and dh. It was very important for me this time (as it has been each time), that we have that family time after the baby is born. I want the girls to be the first ones beside me and dh to see the new baby. I don't want anyone else to see the baby till we have that time together. Dh has an issue with this. He says how can we ask grandparents to watch the girls but then make them wait to see the baby? I tell him how upset I was that I didn't get to see that moment when Kirsten saw Sara. I didn't get that first moment of seeing their first baths or bottles. This time I do. Then I think, I may (ok most likely) be on mag. Do I want the girls to see me on Mag. Do I want them to carry the image of a really sick mom on mag. What about when they have THEIR babies and remember that. So many thoughts and feelings. No one but dh saw how sick I was with Kirsten because we lived overseas. I really do think I still want the time with the girls. I plan on asking my ob and pcp when it gets to be about that time to please allow them in to see me. I know they will be worried.

Another thing I worry about is how bad will it get? Will I be thrown in the ICU? I remember my ob with Sara saying he could always throw me in the ICU if I was bad enough. I think how scary is that? If I am in the ICU, the girls can not see me. I worry about dh. He was so worried with Kirsten. That was the first time I had ever seen him cry. He really really thought I was dying. Well I never thought I was THAT sick till I got my records. It was like OMG, no one ever told me how sick I had been. I guess the good news is how my peri put it. They will be watching me very carefully. They know it's coming. The good news is it hits later rather than early. So maybe if it is taken care of earlier, I won't get as sick. I have decided as much as I always wanted 4, this is our last. I can't put our family through this again. It's too hard.

Pe and the Brewer's Diet

Oh for God's sakes how does this diet continue to proliferate expecting boards and midwive circles? I just don't get it. When you have a body that already is compromised with impaired kidney function and it can't process the protein that it already has. Please tell me how MORE protein will help? Oh but my midwife told me it will....... Drs don't know anything. Honestly, do yourself a favor and don't count on some stupid diet to save your life that was from 40 years ago and has NEVER EVER been able to be replicated. Seriously. Can you find ONE study that has been able to replicate the Brewer's Diet? Is that why ALL the MFMs and perinatologists are running to it and saying please do this diet? No. NONE of them recommend it. Yes while pregnant you should eat healthy. If you are going to get pe, you are going to get it. No diet in the world is going to help you. Yet this diet continues to proliferate itself over and over. I cringe when I see oh I am doing the Brewer diet and my midwife says she nevers see PE when this diet is done. Honey, that's because midwives deal with LOW RISK women. Low risk women typically don't get PE. If you have PE and you are seeing a midwife, you better get your butt to an OB. Preferably a MFM or peri. I have nothing against midwives. There are lovely midwives in my ob's office. They are wonderful and do low risk interventions for birth. For me, I need someone that went to med school as I am high risk. There is a reason that a midwife has to have an ob back her up. I had one poster tell me that I should see a NP or a midwife because they know more than ob. Then a few posts later she told me that she was a midwife apprentice. The next thing was a question on protein and kidneys. ACK.

For God's sakes, please stop telling me that if you take calcium and magnesium you won't get it either. I can't tell you how many posts I see that say magnesium prevents pe. No dear you have it wrong. Magnesium sulfate (a drug that is given by IM or IV and is a combined med) is given to prevent SEIZURES. They are not the same as magnesium off the shelf in your local health food store.

I can't tell you how much it burns my butt to see these types of posts. If you don't get it a second time, it's because you are one of the lucky ones to never have it in a second pregnancy. So my question to all these I am doing the Brewer's Diet and it is going to prevent it blah blah blah, what happens if you get it again? What happens if you get it worse because you took in MORE protein and your already compromised kidneys could not handle it? Whose fault is it then? I just hope no woman dies because of it.

Ramblings about PE

So I have had a few days to think about what my peri said. Several things have stuck with me. I asked dh if he understood it to be the same. He said yes and that no I did not take it wrong or overreact. With the notching and resistance in the cord, I am going to be sick. There wasn't the oh you have a chance of not getting it. Look on the bright side there is a 30% chance you won't have it. It was you will get it based on history and notching. That sucks. It sucks because I know what I am in for. I only hope that I am far enough along to deliver a healthy baby. I don't want to be that mom in the NICU. I don't want to go to a university hospital. Sure everything is fine right now. Things got downright hairy with Sara and Kirsten. It isn't the norm to have your ob say I was so worried that you would call in the middle of the night and say you siezed or something. How about you don't have any idea how worried I was about you. At the time I thought hmm, he was overreacting. Over time I have been with my ob now for over 4 1/2 years. I know he doesn't take things lightly. He is not one too over worry or stress out. So for him to say that is a big thing.

It seems my appt with him on the second is a very very long way off. I have lots of questions now that I have done my research. I would agree with my peri's opinion. 40-60% chance of pe or pih added to a 75% chance of pe from the notching equals to a greater than 100% chance of it recurring again. She has over 25 years of experience. I guess I am not so worried about actual delivery or being in the hospital or even being on mag. I guess what I am worried about is a premature baby, seizing, knowing that my kidneys and liver could possibly fail. I know my ob has told me more than once, if I get that sick again, he would throw me in the ICU. I guess part of my problem is that I had high hopes of being the one that would sail through a third pregnancy. That I would be the one that got to be in Walmart and have their water break. That I would be the one to actually have a normal birth experience where you get to go in at term and have your baby. Instead, I'll get to be the one that the nurses (and/or doctors if it is not past 35 weeks) get to learn off of since I will be that rare case that comes in. I'll be the one that they will panic and worry about. I want to be the one that gets to laugh and eat ice chips in labor, not throwing up from the mag and feeling like death warmed over. I'm hoping that when I see my ob on the 2nd that he'll have some optimism (he is usually an optimistic guy). I'm sure my peri put it all in her report. The worst of it is to know what is to come and then have some jackass family member say that A) you knew what you were getting into so why are you even surprised B) that we deserve it (who deserves worrying about their health or their spouse's health and their baby's health? C) gloss it over and saying you are overdramatic.

I worry how the girls will be. I so wanted us to have family time after the baby was born for a little while. If I am magged I am not even sure they would be allowed in. When I was very sick with Kirsten, I was allowed no visitors except dh. Do I really want them to see me looking like death warmed over and bruised from constant needle pokes or the severe pe because my clotting is off? Should we wait to see them till I am off of it? I'm not so worried about the my health part of it as I know my ob is awesome and will be on top of everything. I mean the man stayed in the recovery room with me when I had the d&c when I lost the baby. He also stayed the night when Sara was born (he didn't get any sleep as there are constant references throughout my file that the nurses had made Dr. XXXX aware of my bp). It's just that it sucks plain and simple and it shouldn't be THAT hard. Many women can go and pop their babies out, why can't I?

I think I am going to call the peri's office on Monday and find out what my resistance index (RI) was. I wonder if I call and ask that question if they will think I am a complete nut or nerd. I mean how many of their patients show up in the office knowing what notching on a uterine artery means? Very few. At least that is what I got from the tech. I wish I had done some research on uterine notching before going in to my peri so I would have known the right questions to ask and could have looked at the US better. You can bet I will at my 28 week appt.

I also saw the look on the other tech's face when she was looking at my US. I am pretty sure she was looking at it as it was the uterine doppler study that was brought up with the absent flow. She had a really concerned look on her face. Kind of wondered at the time why they were all checking it out? Her look when she looked at the US and then looked at me in the exam room said it all and it has stuck with me since Thursday. I also wondered how often they saw that type of abnormal US. The tech said they only did 3-4 of those a month. So if they do only 3-4 a month. They deal exclusively in US and high risk pregnancies. Well you get the picture.

We have told very few people about the US results. Mainly because we don't want to hear from family we told you so. I know if we told the inlaws, they would say we were making it out more than it needed to be (this is from the woman that has been going on and on that sil can go into sudden death you know). Then my family being on the opposite side of the spectrum and calling every second wondering if I had siezed yet? Friends in real life can not comprehend it because you are the one percent in the one-eight percent that have had pe. Which is a really really small population. Pregnancy boards online have no idea as they can't comprehend it or you are the scary horror story that they all worry so much that will happen to them.

I worry that maybe we pushed our luck to far this time. Could we possibly be the exception and be lucky a third time? Maybe maybe if we hadn't of loss a baby at 13 1/2 weeks with something as random as a severe kidney infection and fly, we would feel that immunity or optimism. The sad part of that reality is that it happened once before, why not now. There is no guarantee. You can't look at it and say hey there is only a 2% chance of this happening again or most women that have pe go on and have healthy babies. The reality is you have already been the unlucky one to beat those odds. Not once. Not twice, but several times. One of the unlucky 5% to have lost a baby after 12 weeks. One of the unlucky ones to have been one of the 1% chance of the 1-8% chance to have had severe pe. So it's a bit hard to optimistic knowing you have that nagging doubt in your head. Don't worry, I am still optimistic for 37 weeks and no pe, but I also know my reality. Maybe I should start buying lottery tickets, you never know.

So I guess my plan for now is to make up my huge list of questions for my ob. Once I get those questions answered and see what my peri wrote in her consultation and what his take on it is, I need to make an appt to specifically discuss the baby with our family doctor. There are certain things I want to be able to do this time. I want to give that first bottle. I want some bonding time with the baby before she is whisked off to the nursery to be put on monitors. Fine, wheel me in there. Throw the bags of mag and bp meds onto a wheelchair and let me see her in her first hours of life. I'm sure I can work something out between the docs. I guess she will need to talk with my ob about the delivery of this baby as well so she knows it is on the horizon.

For now, focus on that this baby is healthy, she is a girl, and that for now things are ok. Take comfort in that I have good drs that know what they are doing. I just hope that when I head back into my ob's office that the nurses are not looking at me like I am an alien. He has new ones now from when Sara was born. He just needs to bring in the old ones for just for me. Have a new nurse work the triage phone. Well I feel better now that I have gotten that all out. Now off to Dell to price a new laptop for the bedrest that is sure to come.

Peri Appointment Today

Well there is good news and bad news.

The bad news:

My shellfish allergy has nothing to do with being pregnant and is permanent. This alone makes me want to cry. I would give up chocolate to be able to eat shellfish. I have decided after this baby is born, I am seeing an allergist to find out how bad it really is and to make sure I can never eat it again.

The baby has notching (mild) on the right uterine artery. I thought something was wrong because she had a lot of trouble with it. However, the other US tech and my peri confirmed it. My peri told me that combined with my history that means I will definitely have issues whether it be PIH or PE. Most likely PE. However, I have been through it before. She told me I have excellent doctors and that they would be aggressive in managing me and would be watching me like a hawk. They know that I am more at risk. She didn't go into all of the whole notching thing with me. I know some about it. I know it is an increased risk because the placenta doesn't get enough bloodflow. From the research that I did today, she must have seen the notching and saw a higher resistance index. So I need to ask my ob what the resistance index was. Or maybe I'll call and ask them how high the resistance index was. The good news is it was only the right side and the left side looked great. If it was bilateral it would be much much worse. She said her hope was to get me to 35 weeks to deliver with my dr at my hospital. My hopes are much higher, oh say 37 weeks or maybe God willing 40 weeks. My girls were a good size, so she is hoping this baby will be too. She is pleased that my ob cut my work in Buffalo to only 3 days a week stick with that for now. I told her I had planned to be able to go out on leave at 26ish weeks because that is when they said I would probably go out on bedrest. I was all set up for it. She said GREAT. So it looks like this baby will probably be coming in early January. I hope not. I want to stay pregnant as long as possible. My bp was 122/74 in the office. My ob and I have a LOT to discuss in 2 weeks. I will be making my list for him. She said the good news was, I am not advanced maternal age (hooray, yeah I only made that cutoff by 2 months), I am not diabetic. These are very good things. She asked about protein when Kirsten and Sara was born. I told her with Sara it was hit or miss. Trace here, negative here, 1+ here. Negative at delivery by dipstick. With Kirsten it was over 5000 mgs. She said Kirsten was definitely severe preeclampsia. I said that's what my paperwork says. She said with my history and the notching I will definitely get sick. It just depends when. However, I knew this before getting pregnant. I also have excellent doctors. We will prepare for it and be ready.

The good news:

Baby is very healthy and active.

This baby is a GIRL. Yep. Can you believe it? No MS or anything with this one. She is a girl. I could not believe it.

So that's about it. I go back to the peri at 28 weeks on 11/21/08. I will see her every two weeks till 32 weeks. Then I will see her every week till delivery. We will be doing kick counts, bpps, nsts, doppler blood flow studies, etc. I'm not sure when biweekly or weekly appts will take place with my ob. I imagine he'll start seeing me weekly at 26-28 weeks. I am going to see if he would do extra nst because Sara was fine the day before and the next day had decels. So that worries me. Fun times are here again.

Wanderings...

So I am now 18 weeks 3 days. I have no idea how the time is flying by so fast. I wish it would slow down. Right now things are ok. My bps have gone down with rest, 2 days wah, and doubling the meds. I am getting wierd readings like 96/60 or 96/74. Then I also get readings like 119/88. So from one spectrum to another. I am going to print out my log for my peri appt on Thursday and see what she says. Speaking of my appt Thursday, I am anxious, nervous, excited all wrapped up in one. Is that possible? I'm excited to see how much the baby has grown and to find out the gender. I am terrified that something will be wrong. That it is too good to be true. I am nervous to find out what the plan is. DH said to tell my docs that if this one is ok, no more. We are not putting anymore of their kids through college lol. He joked that's why the doctors ok'd us getting pregnant again with our history. Dh has also decreed 2/1 as a NO BABY day. Umm yeah, that will be exactly the day that the baby will come silly. That's because it is Superbowl Sunday. So now he has decried, hmm, ok baby born that morning. Thinking he can take the girls to his parents, I'll be in the hospital with new baby, and he'll be home by himself to watch the superbowl. Um, yeah. Not happening buddy.

So I spilled to a coworker at work that I was preggo today. Lots of people wondering. No one asking except the one nosy coworker. I don't plan to tell her EVER. We have SO many new people at work. I am like the only one that is in the office besides my boss that is old there. My one coworker that has been there since June asked me if I had made the list. I told her no. I was out by a couple of weeks of time in grade. She said no way. I said yep. I am pissed because they made a waiver for R. for education. L was given a position when I was out on maternity leave with Sara. Yet, you claim hands off when it is me. She said that is SO wrong. I said I am done. I am not training any employee. My job description does not call for it. I am and I expect to be treated like anyone else there. I intend to follow my drs advice and go out on leave or fulltime WAH even if everything is going swimingly. I would rather be cautious than too little too late. I have yet decided if my laptop is coming on maternity leave with me. She said she couldn't believe it. She asked me if they were going to reannounce the job and I said I don't think so. I have not discussed anything with future boss nor planned to. I was serious when I said I was done. For years, I have done the crappy jobs that no one wanted to do, the hard stuff that people were too lazy to do, handled the crises, and covered for people. For some reason, current boss has thought it was ok to just crap all over me. It proved it when all of a sudden she decided to not be involved. I feel a lot better since I made that decision. Course the coworker I spilled to is now freaking out knowing I won't be around for the busy season. Ooops.

So now it is getting through the next three days before the big US.

Lots happening...

Well I had my ob appt on Thursday. Gained 5 lbs. EEEK. Good Charleston food huh. Bp was ok at 123/88. He said my log was better than it had been. I said much better considering those high numbers before were me laying flat on my back. These new numbers were me running around. He measured my stomach. I felt like I had passed a goal where I get my stomach measured. Hooray!!! He said everything look good. As far as 24 hour urines, we won't be doing those unless my bp goes wonky again or I start dipping protein. So keep your fingers crossed. He's going to see me in 4 weeks. I see the peri in 2. So I think between the 2 of them, I'll be seeing someone every 2 weeks. YIKES. Oh and I almost passed out in the office. I had to ask about how to come off the prometrium and waited to ask him. When he came out to get me in the waiting room, I went to stand up and almost passed out. I had to sit back down. He said WHOA. I said I'm ok and got back up again. The prometrium I am weaning off of. He said he didn't think it would do preterm labor. Well guess what happened today? Started contracting at 9am. YIKES. Called him. He told me off my feet and drink drink drink. They finally stopped at 230. Thank God, they were freaking me out.

Work SUCKS. I can't wait to go out on maternity leave. When I last wrote, I had missed the referral list by a few weeks. In fact, my bosses COULD reannounce it so I could make the list. Well it doesn't look like they are going to do that. My current boss says on one hand I should be pissed. On the other hand I should be a good sport about it. Yeah, NOT. I got the feeling that she is not telling me something. Meaning I was never going to get it. Which is fine, because I have already told them to teach all of these new people themselves. I am NOT doing it. Why should I have to train people that get paid more than me? I mean for 8 years I have busted my tail there. I have constantly trained people higher in grade than me. I have constantly picked up the slack of correcting other people's work and everything. They have me out supervising and shadowing other employees. I said I am done. I am not doing this anymore. I refuse to bust my tail and not get anything for it. It cemented me looking for another position. This agency is the most immoral whacked out place and I am not doing it for longer than I have to. Now please don't let me be there 1o years from now. I see the peri in 2 weeks and I am going to ask her when I should plan on going out of work. I think I am just going to go out on leave and not return till May. LOL. That will give them 6 months to work it. I'm just done. I care, but not enough to bust my tail.

Last, please give your prayers to dh's aunt and uncle's family. We got the sad news that she passed this morning. Her family needs all the prayers that they can get. They were a pretty close family and she was the glue that held them together. I hope she sees Aunt K and Peyton up there. It's one more auntie to help with Peyton.

Prayers needed...

Dh's aunt has advanced liver cancer and is not expected to live past a few more weeks. If you could say some prayers for his aunt's family. She has 4 kids aged 21-40. She has grandchildren aged 4-8. Dh's other aunt had rectal cancer and fought for several years with it before she passed on Feb 29th. This aunt that now needs all the prayers she can get decided not to go through all of that. She tried a couple variations of chemo, none of them successful. She decided to end all treatment about a month ago. She is now hospitalized and awaiting a room at the local hospice. She doesn't want to die at home or at the hospital. I was very near tears today because she gathered all of her children around and told them how sorry she was that she wouldn't be around much longer. Her children, grandchildren, and husband love her immensely. I can't imagine how hard that was for her to do that. So please pray that her passing is as easy and peaceful as possible and that her children, grandchildren, and husband are surrounded by as much love and support as possible.