Ok God, I have had enough!

You may be wondering what I am talking about. I have suddenly developed a shellfish allergy overnight. Nope not kidding. Me. The girl from SC that grew up on fresh shrimp that friends of the family caught and gave to us. Me, the girl that would buy it fresh off the docks. God has a funny sense of humor sometimes. I ADORE seafood. LOVE it. I would eat it every single day if I could and now can't. Heck, I still have a gift card for Red Lobster in my purse! So what happened?

Sunday night I decided on doing an easy dinner. So when I had a break in the migraine, I went to the store and picked some frozen shrimp in a bag up. I thought YUMMY shrimp alfredo. I made it and it was very YUMMY. It was the last thing I ate that night. The next morning I notice on the way to work my arms and everything is covered in a rash that looked like hives. I am NOT a morning person. So no I would not have noticed them earlier while getting dressed. My boss said hmm looks live nerves. As the morning progressed I was feeling worse. I did call for an appt with my pcp and got an appt for 1pm. By 10am, my boss sent me home packing with my laptop. On my way home around 11am, my lips started to swell. I debated on whether or not I should call my pcp and say I need to be seen now. Like a dumbass, I waited till my appt at 1pm.

So I get in. The nurse gets me in an exam room and sees my arms. WOW you got hives. I said I know look at my lips. She said OMG I thought you had been crying. Your lips are swollen. I swear I looked like Angelina Jolie and Goldie Hawn with those collagen lips. Can I ask WHY on earth would ANYONE pay for that? OWWWWW. So she leaves the exam room. She goes to the doc. She told her I didn't want to see a med student. (I'm sorry to any med students out there. However, I pay ALOT for my health insurance and medical bills. It's bad enough I have to go through things with the nurse and the doctor, but I call it at two. Seeing I pay for a DOCTOR that is fully trained, that's who I am going to see. Do not pass me off to a student, intern, resident (ok I know residents and interns are doctors). Point is, I want someone who has done all that. That is why they are my dr. If I wanted to be a guinea pig, I would ship myself off to a public university hospital. Oh yeah and my pcp does not understand that. Ok, rant over with.). My doctor said yeah I know, she hates med students. So then she proceeded to tell her that I had hives all over my arms. My doc says hmm. The nurse says um no you don't understand. Her lips are swelling! Next thing I know, I am getting a shot of Benadryl in one arm and a steroid shot in the other. All before the doc saw me (she was still nursing her son). She came in and said yes, severe allergic reaction. She prescribed prednisone to start the next day with and bendadryl before bed. I was sent on my merry little way. Come home and crashed for three hours.

Then I woke up and more itching. More hives. They are now getting worse. DAMN. The shots wore off. So I go get Kirsten and my inlaws said um, we think you need to call the doc back. So go get Sara and call doc. Go to the ER now. Wow that was an experience. It was actually quite entertaining watching all the commotion. I have NEVER seen it that busy before! People actively puking in bags. Must have been about 10 fractures that came in. All kids. One woman had a steak knife that went through her hand (umm bet she won't be trying to break apart burgers again). In the midst of all the commotion, I notice no one is sitting near me. By this point, I am the itchy and scratchy show. Hives are everywhere. I do notice that people were all by the pukers. Hmmm, itchy scratchy or puking. Me, I would go with itchy.

I finally say out loud that I am not contagious. I am having an allergic reaction and had already been to my doc and got shots. You see this collective, thank God. Now if I were all ya'll I wouldn't be getting so close to the pukers. That's catchy. I finally get called back. Hives popping up before everyone's eye. Finally got a dose of benadryl. Apparently, I should have known the dosages that the nurse gave me in the shots. Does anyone really ask how many mg they are getting? My doc's office finally sent it over. Orders changed to start prednisone immediately and start benadryl in 4 hours and continue every 4 hours for the next few days. I also had to have my mil come and pick me up and take me to Tops. Talk about awkward.

Get home and fil and sil bring my car home from the ER. We had a nice little moment where they told me congratulations, hugged me and said they were hoping this one sticks. I was touched that they cared. Mil has offered that Kmart had expandable/elastic waistline jean shorts on sale for $5. Um yeah, way past that. I started maternity jeans and shorts at um oh about 5 weeks.

Called my ob's office and let them know what happened. They said all meds were safe. They would be marking my file. They said as long as my O2 was good, then baby should be ok too.

BUT, and there is always a but right? I am still so worried about my appt in 2 days. I am terrified that my ob is going to do an US (cause doppler won't get it yet and he knows how I am) and will turn to me and say I'm sorry, there is no heartbeat. There is nothing more that will stop a pregnant woman's heart. I am not even sure if I can bear to even look at the US on Thursday. Thursday is the day for big exam. You know cultures, getting naked (so hate that), pelvic exam. At least he does the heartbeat first. I have been having terrible terrible anxiety. I am convinced that the anxiety combined with stress from work is causing my headaches and stuff. It's not easy for me to admit I may need a little help through the next few weeks with anxiety. As our loss date gets closer, I can't help feeling doom. Then I woke up this morning and the huge boobs I had were GONE. Everything was gone. They returned this afternoon (heartburn and all). I think the deflating was from the Benadryl and steroids. I keep telling myself everything is ok. However, I pushed those thoughts of something being wrong the last time and I should have listened to instinct. I knew. I knew something wasn't right. However, I thought it couldn't happen to me. I had symptoms till I went in for the d&c. So sometimes it is ok to buck up and ask for help. Sometimes it is ok to say I need some help. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with me. There is no way for him to know this unless I tell him. He's not a mind reader. So I need to just tell him about this anxiety. I need to get that reassurance. I need to see the heartbeat. I'll be the one with my hands over my eyes, but peeking through my hands to see a heartbeat.

I pray all the time and every night before bed for God to let this baby stick full term and let this baby be born healthy, happy, and safe.