Anxiety and breakdowns

Well first happy news! The happy news is that I have settled my lawsuit for the car accident I was in in 2006. Most of my friends know what HELL I went through with 1) money 2) insurance and 3) medical issues. In February 2006, a 17 year old kid hit my car (tboned it actually) in the drivers door. My car was totaled as was his. I was pretty pissed off because THIS was not what we needed. It just put us over the edge financially. All of a sudden we had to buy a new car. The deals that were out there (where we researched our previous car for 6 months and bided our time) were gone. I all of a sudden had two great insurances (car and health) and NEITHER would pay the medical bills. Then the medical issues. I spent almost a year trying to convince drs and physical therapist that something was wrong till I finally had surgery in Dec 2006. It was pretty much hell. What happened to the kid? Well he was the son of a well respected minister and was not even given a ticket for totaling TWO CARS. He admitted fault. The police said it was his fault, but OOOPs it was an accident. The last two 1/2 years has been a VERY long road. As a result I have permanent nerve damage in my shoulder and neck. I have permanent damage to my knee. Turns out that when they did the knee surgery, the cartlige was completely shredded and my knee had been dislocated. I ended up in surgery for about 3 hours while the cartlige, meniscus were removed and a 5 inch incision was made to cut through all the tendons and muscles in my knee. I am doing better now, but will most likely have arthritis in my knee (actually I have it now) and will require knee injections for the rest of my life. I used to walk 5-6 miles a day and that is gone. I am lucky to walk a mile.

So the case of the negligence is settled. We settled for a good bit. There is enough to pay off all our bills including student loans. We'll only have our house and car payments as debt and then the usual utilities, insurance, and daycare. It's a FRESH start. I would rather have the 2 1/2 years have been different, but, this is compensation and not a bad case at that. My lawyer did a good job (now let's see how much I get raked over for in expenses!). It's come at a fabulous time in my life being pregnant.

Now for the other stuff. My anxiety got the best of me and I bought a baby doppler. I think I have gotten the baby on doppler for a few seconds, but then the stinker moves away from it. I havn't actually heard it well yet because it is extremely faint and mine masks it. Plus the placenta is in the front and you hear the blood rushing through it. Baby's heartrate has been between 140-170. I'm undecided on whether to fess up to my ob about my purchase. I don't think he would say much, but I would like to know if I am using it correctly. I kind of watched how he did it at my appt. However, he is MUCH better at it than I am. lol. Best $115 I ever spent. Such peace of mind even though I get it for like 5 seconds.

I have been going through a rough patch lately. I never thought it would be this hard being pregnant again. I am thrilled, don't get me wrong. I worry about if this baby's heart is going to stop. I can't take comfort in stats because I was one of the stats. One of the 2% that miscarry after seeing a healthy hb at 8 1/2 and 12 1/2 weeks. It still shocks me that it happened to me. I started crying on the way home from work today. Why? It was because things are so good right now and I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have VERY little pregnancy symptoms besides getting bigger, tired, heartburn, and the occasional ligament stretch. Oh yeah and my boobs go up and down. :) lol. I worry that this is all too good to be true. I worry that something is wrong with the baby. I worry that I will lose this baby. I just worry too much. I guess that is one of the reasons that I bought the doppler. I wanted to enjoy this pregnancy.

Dh is out of town right now. He has been gone since 8 July. He misses us terribly and we miss him. He will be back on 19 August. It's like when he gets back everything will be ok. Boy wait till he sees me!!! I'll be much bigger than I was then.

Oh and we have decided to put our house up for sale. We needed a bigger house now that we are having a third baby! So we are looking for a 4 bedroom 2 bath home with a garage and big fenced in back yard. Newer. Not an old house. We are looking on the other side of town. Kirsten still wants to go to her school. So we will see if we can get permission for her to finish out her last 2 years there (all her friends are there). I think we will be putting our house up for sale in the Spring. Gives us time to do some stuff that needs to be finished and I won't be pregnant then.

We promised our girlies a trip to Disney World next year. :)