Saturday, July 26, 2008

More anxiety

Well I think I am going to fess up to buying a doppler to my ob. I would like for him to show me how to use it right. I am pretty sure I am, but just want to make sure. I figure I could tell him that it was nice of him to offer to have me come in at anytime for a heartbeat check. It was not practical as that would be every hour of every day. Kirsten is going to be busy startin an hour. She has a Girl Scout thing tonight and a birthday party tomorrow.

I have the doppler. I use it about every day. Baby is a stinker and doesn't stay in place for long. I guess I know I will be in a lot at the end. I just don't want to be "THAT" patient if you kwim. I mean I know my ob would be great about it. He has already gone above and beyond. Still.

My mil suckerpunched me the other day and I totally fell right into it. I could have just smacked myself. She started by asking me how the doppler thing was going and about how they didn't have that in her day. She was talking about USs and how they were a new thing back then. That when she was pregnant they didn't even have pregnancy tests. I laughed and said oh Dr. E did about 6 on me. She asked why so many. I answered part ob is being careful and then I am neurotic now. Then she said I was obsessed when pregnant with Sara and all I talked about was pregnancy. Hmmm, I remember the last month of being so sick, I couldn't get out of bed. Whatever? It pissed me off. Then I thought neurotic does not equal obsessed. What MOM doesn't do anything but talk about their baby??? My boss said the same thing as me. A mom talks about her pregnancy and baby. Must be nice to have two uncomplicated pregnancies and not have a miscarriage. I also thought, she is ignorant, she doesn't know what it is like. Note to self, don't fall into that trap again. Don't show her anything from the baby. I also think she is quite pissed that I didn't invite her to my US on 8/7. I asked sil. Why? Well sil and I have our ups and downs. She was the FIRST to congratulate us this time and hopes baby sticks. She also cried with us when we lost our baby. She begged to go to USs with Sara. I didn' t invite mil because I don't NEED HER ANXIETY feeding into mine and I am sure she will say something completely inappropriate. She doesn't know how to shut up. In fact when I told her I was on progesterone to prevent MC (at this point has worked because I am 11 weeks and placenta is working), she said oh well if you miscarry you miscarry. WTF. How supportive is that? She also said they didn't tell till lile 4 months or so. I was like well you kind of forced our hand implying I wasn't doing enough with Sara. I've just decided only people who care, get to hear about our baby.


Anonymous said...

I will never understand the insensitivity a mil can have towards their dil. I too would buy a Doppler in your situation. I cannot even begin to imagine the sadness of a miscarriage. I am so happy that you are nearing your second trimester. I too have begun to believe that I need a third child for reasons I can't explain, other then that "my family doesn't feel complete." At nearly 39 I realize that time is racing against me. I too have two healthy happy children (nearly 6 year old son and a 4 year old daughter). I have been reading your blog from Portland, Oregon and I am amazed by your strength and perseverance. Your baby is sticking and you just need to keep believing! Good luck and keep blogging!

PE Mommy said...

Thanks Anon. I think this child if it makes it, will be our last. It feels like hey we are done. I don't think I can go through the heartbreak of a miscarriage and then the stress of dealing with PE. The thing with the third child is it has to be on your terms. I thought Sara was it because that is what everyone was telling me I should do. It was never what we wanted. Good Luck!!!