Anxiety

So in about 3 weeks I am going to have another lap. I know that it is the only way. A million scans won't show what is going on. Only "direct visualization" can. Pain is better but is still bad. I still have to take 800mg of motrin every 6-8 hours. That is DEFINITELY not normal. There is a sharp stabbing pain on the right all the time that varies in intensity. I have occasional left sided pain as well. wierd.

I know what the procedure is. I'm not worried about whether or not he will find something and fix it. Well ok I am. A) what if he finds something? Can he fix it? Will I get to keep all my parts? What if it is something really bad? B) what if he doesn't find something? Does that make me a liar?? He already said if he couldn't find what was wrong then he is going to refer me to a general surgeon. So there is a next step. But I really don't want to get onto the surgery merry go round.

I really really hate thinking about how much I hate general anesthesia. I really detest it. I don't like losing control and when they put you out. It's like you are giving up that control. While I trust my dr. Its till doesn't make it any better. I also detest waking up. Both times before (knee and previous lap) were similar but very different. With the lap the last time, I woke up to a stinging pain to the right of the belly button and extremely nauseated. I woke up in the OR and remember EVERYTHING that happened from then on out. I remember the first thing I said was I am going to be sick. I heard the anesthesiologist tell my ob, I gave her a double dose of Zofran and Reglan. Even being totally out of it, being a smart aleck said it is not working and didn't work when I was pregnant either. I remember hearing my dr laugh and say something. I didn't realize that he was still there. I remember them moving me to the PACU. I remember the nurse (a friend) saying I wasn't nuts and that he had found adhesions and taken them out. Then it was up to the ob floor. Then the nurse pushing me out the door even though I hadn't eaten anything, couldn't pee, and couldn't drink for fear of puking. I went home about an hour after getting to the floor and puking the entire night. Lovely when you have just had stomach surgery. It hurts too.

When I had knee surgery, I had nausea again. But pain was ok (thanks to good ole dilaudid in the OR). I woke up in the pacu and them telling me that I was going to be there for awhile. That I had a lot done. Then going up to peds because the ambulatory surgery area was closed. This time I was insistent on going home and to my own bed. The nurse was really trying to convince me to stay. Finally she agreed to let me go. She turned around to take my iv out and bam I started puking. 20 mins later and I would have been sprung. They talked me into staying the night. I didn't want to, but dh was like remember last time. That was all it took.

I have several questions for the doc:
- anxiety, can he give me something for it before the surgery (like the night before, so I'll actually sleep).
- puking - please dear God, please let me not be nauseated from the anesthesia again. I really really hate puking.
- Infection - after both girls and the lap, I got a uterine infection. Let's just skip that dance and do antibiotics prophylatically and we'll both be happy campers. Me because I won't get an infection. He because he won't be getting a call at 2am saying that I am running a fever, have chills, WBC is above normal. Makes it easier on both of us. What do ya say??

Well off to bed again. Was woken up by dh when he came to bed and have been anxiety ridden over this. We'll be going on vacation in about 2 weeks and it is desparately needed. Camping, but not tent camping. I don't do that. We rented a trailer on a lake. I'll have wireless internet as well. I am so spoiled. We just need to get away and spend time with ourselves. Sil's wedding is driving us crazy. Work is driving us crazy. Upcoming surgery is driving us crazy. We just need to get away and be by ourselves. We have invited some friends to come and join us for the day on that Saturday. K's best friend and her parents. We have NOT however invited the inlaws, although I think they are inviting themselves (too bad they will have to pay to get in!) . We just need some space. They are kind of making us feel like a third wheel.