So are you sure that you REALLY want to go through that again?

Hmm, a question asked of me by my PCP last week, Dr. L. God Bless her. She is such a wonderful dr and she truly cares for her patients. I first started seeing Dr.L 2 weeks after daughter #2 was born. I switched to her becuase the nurse in my obgyn's office said, "you know, it would be a good idea to have your pcp follow your bp after you are done post partum". I was instantly horrified at the thought. My pcp that I had then, I didn't like. The nurses were indifferent. The office was dirty and less than desired. You could NEVER get an appt. I was less than thrilled with my care with them. This is how I landed on Dr. L's doorstep. She comes into the room and says, "So I guess you are not going to try THAT again are you?" Ummm, well yes I am. Over the last 2 years we have gone back and forth on it. Last April, she called my obgyn, Dr. E to ask about a med that he had prescribed me that was making my bp go haywire. There was also a possible allergy with it. Along the phone call, she asked him, Did you know that PE mommy wants to get pregnant again? He laughed and told her yes. She asked him, is that ok with you? Again, he said yes, and that I knew the risks. Fast forward to October when I saw Dr. E for a laparoscopy. I had been having severe excruciating pelvic pain since my 2nd daughter was born. We suspected endometriosis. I go to the hospital to report for surgery. They place me in a 4 bed room that they use for triage and outpatient surgery on the maternity floor. I had two roommates. The one girl was there for a tubal ligation. She was the 9 am surgery. The second was me and that was for a lap. The third was there for a D&C, the 11am surgery. The anesthesiologist comes in and says to me, so you are here for a tubal ligation. Ummm, NO. I am KEEPING my parts. Well that is not what your chart says. I said to him, that's not my chart. My obgyn showed up at that moment and rescued me. He said no she is not here for a tubal. So that brings us to the last month. We have definitely decided to go forward as we are not getting any younger. Me because I have enough problems being pregnant without the label advanced maternal age. Dh because he is hitting 40 soon. Dh isn't so anxious about being pregnant this time around. But then I was the one that had to be talked into it for daughter #2.

So I had my regular annual exam with my obgyn this month. Everything was normal there. I had my pcp run my bloodwork for clotting disorders, only protein S came back high. That may be because I just had knee surgery. Currently I am on Loestrin FE continuously and Prometrium on days 12-21 of the pill pack to keep the endo at bay. I also take Ziac to control my bp which it does beautifully. I forgot to ask a bunch of questions while at my annual exam, so I called back and left them with the nurse. No to calcium and aspiring during the ttc phase, will start that at the first appt at 5-6 weeks. I was very disappointed to hear that my ob would like for me to switch my bp meds. I was under the impression from both of my drs, Dr. E and Dr. L that the Ziac would be ok for pregnancy. I was ok with it because it works very well for me. Unfortunately, Dr. E said no and to change to Aldomet. A weak drug that is never used in a non pregnant woman. However, it is the only bp med proven safe for pregnancy. This presents a delimma. The reason is that maybe just maybe if bp is well controlled prior to pregnancy, then maybe the placenta will be nice and big and oxygenated and implant correctly. The downside is you could have a child with birth defects. So it was very disappointing to discover that. I will be starting Aldomet in September.

The nurse from PCP's office called to get dh in for an appt. He has been there for 2 years too and never had a new patient exam. While I had her on the phone, I told her what Dr. E said and asked if Dr. L will change the medicine. She said she probably would but would do a phone consult first with Dr. E. The nurses at my pcp's office are not surprised by my desire to have another child again. With my first daughter, she was hard. She was very sick. We spent time in and out of the various drs office. Then we met Dr. R, who was the Director of Asthma at the local Children's hospital. The very first visit she said we are going to get her better. It took a couple of years to adjust meds, etc. But she did get her better and healthy. THANKS DR. R!!!! Becaue my first daughter was sooo ill and combine that with the possibility of PE again, we waited a longggggggg time for daughter #2. With her, I hadn't even seen an obgyn in 5 years. I just showed up pregnant at my obgyn's doorstep. Sometimes I think it was easier to just show up pregnant like I did the last time.

There is a lot of reaction when we tell people that we are going to try again. My boss, has said that she is banning pregnancy on my performance evaluation. My mil, said why would you want to do that to us again. You must like be sick. Gee thanks for your support. My OBGYN tells me I am completely normal. My pcp thinks I am nuts, but will support me as long as she doesn't have to handle the pregnancy. She knows I am in good hands with my obgyn. I am. He watched me like a hawk, had nurses calling me at home and checking on me, saw me up to 3 months pp before he changed me over. The nurses at my obgyn's office, ummm well let's put it this way, there has been several very long silent pauses. Especially when I called and asked my questions I forgot to ask at my annual. My family are like are you sure, they would never say mean things. My family doesn't live anywhere close to me. In real life, my friends are generally supportive but VERY WEARY. My online friends at PE Survivors and June Board are very supportive and will be there every step of the way. My peri, Dr. W. had it nailed the day I had daughter #2. She told me I would be back in a couple of years and I told her she was crazy, but she was right.

So the answer to the title, "Are you sure you really want to go through that again?" is that no one wants to have PE or PIH or HELLP syndrome. It's not something that someone wants to go through. You are only pregnant for 9 months, well for most people. If you have to go through a couple of months of hell to get a beautiful baby, so be it. I don't regret the mag, multiple invasive tests, etc for my daughters. It's not a question of wanting to go through it again. It comes down to the fact that I don't want to be 45 years old and realize that I didn't ttc again because I was too scared and then it is too late. At that my pcp said true.