I'm a freak....

Yes, I am a freak. I am the person that "normal" women say ohhhh to. So I went to my pcp yesterday to have my bp med changed from Ziac to the God awful Aldomet. Aldomet truly truly sucks. It makes you feel so tired and zombie like. Yeah what I am looking forward to, not. It was really kind of disappointing to see my pcp. I know she doesn't agree with me trying to get pregnant again, but you know, I know much more about pre-eclampsia than she does and we both know that. She has never even had a child. She did entertain it at one time, but for whatever reason, decided not to. She doesn't agree with my ob putting me on aldomet. She said you know, I said yeah it's a weak agent and is never used in a non pregnant woman. I said I know. She said the one time I ever entertained getting pregnant, I asked my obgyn if it was ok and she said it was. She said you just can't use ace inhibitors. I don't know why Dr. E doesn't want to use it??? She said it's not going to work. I told her Dr. E said we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I think he would be more willing to change it once I am past the first trimester and the organs are formed. She just shakes her head. So you are really doing this? Ummm, yes. I think she is hoping I get pregnant immediately so she can transfer me to Dr. E. She is making good on that promise that once I was pregnant, she wasn't touching me with a ten foot pole. It's really disappointing because I really like my pcp. However we totally differ on this issue.

In all reality, my chances of pe are lower this time around. I am more educated. I know what the signs and symptoms are. I plan on being a regular PIA to my obgyn. I will be asking about all blood tests and urine tests and will not be pacified with it's ok. I wanna know numbers. Ok, so I am a nerd. Let's see, 60% chance when I was pregnant with S versuses 25% chance this time. I think I'll take those odds. I just am extremely worried that if there is a bad outcome, I am going to have some idiot say see told you so. I feel fairly confident things will be ok. I am totally ready to take it easy and do things right. When my ob says I am on bedrest, I am done.

It still totally sucks that it wasn't oh congratulations, hope it works for you fast, and can't wait to see you back again pregnant. Instead it was doom and gloom. It just totally sucks having had pe before. Cause any time that you try after it people assume one of two things. One is everything is going to be bad. Or else why are you worried about this, it's nothing. You can't win either way.

In other news, S has severe croup. It sucked. I have never been really freaked out about the girls' breathing before because Kirsten has severe asthma. However, S sounded so bad on Thursday night. Gave her oral albuterol, didn't work. Gave her the super duper dose of 1.25mg xopenex by nebulizer. It helped but didn't work. She was still retracting (could see her ribs when she was breathing) and breathing too hard, too fast and too much wheezing for me. So I took her to the ER. The triage nurse was really concerned and brought us right back. The ER dr (not impressed with him at all) was like she's fine. WTF, even I could tell she wasn't ok. The ER dr is panicking about a 1 year old who is screaming his lungs out, saying get O2 on that baby. That baby was screaming. Screaming means breathing. Meanwhile my child is retracting, but she is ok. So he comes out of the 1 yr old's room and says sheepishly, mom says he holds his breath all the time when he is mad. I could have told that doc to just blow in his face and he would have been breathing or pinch his nose. So we had an xray because the right lung sounded different than the left. Xray normal. However, NOW he is concerned because she is retracting, breathing too hard and too fast and no the 94-95 O2 after her nebulizer was not any good anymore. Grrrr. The good thing was she got treatment to help her breathe easier. She ended up with a nebulizer of ephinephrine and a steroid shot. Afterwards, the nurse that was unconcerned when we were brought back says OMG she looks so much better. Her color is better and she is not breathing as hard. The 1 yr old had croup too. Apparently it is going around but not contagious. We were lucky because she was NOT admitted. Thank God. S would have been terrified. She wouldn't let me put her down or anything. Her cry was just a whimper when we were in there. I finally left at 3am only to have to get up for work at 430am. It sucked.

K is in to cheer dance. She absolutely loves this. I don't know how I ended up with the popular kid who likes to do cheerleading. I was the furthest thing from it when I was in school. She is pretty cute doing it. I am glad that I am able to give her that opportunity. She also is taking Violin lessons. Anyone want to donate ear plugs to me???

I go to see the specialist on Friday. WOW three months for a drs visit is a long time to wait. I hope he can offer something. I hope he doesn't tell me, sorry I can't help you. That would totally stink. I look at this Dr as a last hope. I hope he doesn't want to do another lap. That would be awful too, but having one done by a specialist can actually possibly take care of the problem. Just hope it doesn't interfere with my ttc.

Oh and S is feeling much better. Still has a nasty cough. Still needs the neb. However, the heartwrenching breathing episodes are much better.

Nothing really new

Well today I broke through on the Loestrin and Prometrium. Hmm, I think it was due to stress, but it also came with that all familiar pain. So a lortab and motrin I took. I don't see how people and drs say it's addictive. The 10mg makes me want to puke! Thank God for reglan. I take the reglan with it and while I still feel a little nauseated, its not nearly as bad. I just don't get it how people become drug seekers on that stuff. I take it for pain. Helps pain and takes it away, but in the process makes me nauseated, tired, and can give me a bad headache (hey that's funny a painkiller that gives you a headache).

I am nervous about the appt with the specialist. I am really worried that he will want to do another lap. While he would be correct in doing his own lap (a specialist hunts for it everywhere as an obgyn goes in, takes a peek and closes up). I still don't like the thought. If he wants to do a lap, I want to do it ASAP so I can get preggo. Don't want nothing to hold up the schedule.

To help be in a better position, we are refinancing our house. Our loan is approved. Please pray that our house appraises out. It is so subjective but the mortgage guy says it should be ok. Our interest rate is a lot lower than it is now. If we get what we want from it, I am going to pay off almost all our credit cards. Wait 3 months and then refinance our cars for a shorter term and lower interest rate. THANK GOD we can basically start over. All this and our mortgage will only go up about $140 a month. YEAH!!! So pray that it goes through. I am anxious to have it go through now. This will definitely help us afford daycare for that third baby.

Other news, I did a baseline non pregnant 24 hr urine. I also did the uric acid, ast and alt too. I don't have the results but will ask my pcp when I see her on the 29th to change my bp med to one that is safe while pregnant. They should have copied her as well as my ob. I am thankful that I have such good drs. Hubby waited 40 minutes to turn my pee jug in on that Monday morning. He's a good hubby. He said next time he will get there when the lab opens. Yippee.

Off to bed. I am exhausted now. probably the meds.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

I was very saddened to find out when I arrived at work today that a coworker of mine had died. Joan was 43 and had stage IV inflammatory breast cancer. I am saddest for her little girls Gigi and Josie. They are without their mother today. I never realized what breast cancer can do to a woman until I met Joanie. See I had heard alot about Joanie, but had never met her before Dec 2006. I knew that there was a woman in need of leave because she had breast cancer. I knew that I had heard the gasps that she had breast cancer. I finally got to meet her at the District's christmas party last year. She sat between my boss and I. She was like yeah I am that girl. I was curious about what she had to say. She had young girls that she obviously loved and adored. Joanie was so funny and had the biggest smile. I never once heard her say why me. She was a fighter. By the time I had met Joanie, she had had breast cancer for well over a year and a half. Its effects were ravaging. Gone was the pretty young woman with the I got ya smile that is on her caring bridge site now (see http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/joanmorrissey ). Cancer had taken that away. When I met Joanie she had been ravaged by the cancer. Her arms and hands were so swollen and blistered from the treatments. She told me how cancer was and patiently answered all of my questions (much what I do with the PE mommies). She was so open. Yet she had such humor about her. Many people at the CDC and at work donated leave to her. Enough that when she got worse, she was able to take the summer off to spend with her family. Joanie went through hell before she died. But she always always had a smile on her even on her worse days. She was swollen, in writhing pain, cancer had distorted her body. But cancer never ever distorted her inner beauty inside. At that same Christmas party, Joanie said that she had a caring bridge site. I immediately signed up for it and got notifications by email. I followed her progress. I thought she had more time. Just a few weeks ago she was doing things. Then she was admitted to the hospital. She was released 2 weeks ago. All of a sudden she just declined. Joanie got to spend the summer visiting the family lake house. She was given enough leave to take off 4 months! She got to see her neice graduate from high school in Alaska. She lived more of a life in 43 years than many live in a lifetime.

Because of Joanie, as much as I HATE annual exams, I will never miss one again. When it is time for a mammogram, I will be first in line to get the boobs squished. I won't miss a pap smear either (as much as I DREAD those). When I get those things done, I will think of Joanie. So say a few prayers for her girls and husband tonight. They loved her sooooo much and are devestated by her passing. My girls would be devestated and at 10 and 6, it is a really young age to lose your mom. Last night the world lost a beautiful gentle kind soul. Even though cancer took her outer beauty away, it will never take her inner beauty. RIP Joanie, you will be sadly missed.

It's been almost a month?

Wow I have totally neglected the blog. I have been crazy crazy busy. End of fiscal year. It all ends 30 September though. Dh came come from his month long trip, I'm glad he is back. I get some sleep now! The steroid shot TOTALLY worked. It rocked. And if I have any more issues, I am so going back for more. It hurt like hell for two days. Then on the third day it was like the heavens opened up and the angels were singing!

Saw the nasty IME dr. They cleaned up the office some but it was packed. Silly people actually thought he was there to HELP them. Not. Anyway, did what my lawyer told me to do which was arrive 5 mins early and leave after 30 mins. My appt was at 415. Of course, no way in hell I would have my appt on time as that place was packed. I told the receptionist I was leaving at 4:45. She rolled her eyes and sent me away with papers. I watched the clock. At 4:45, I got up and told them I was leaving. I made a huge big stink. 1) I was mad to be brought and hour each way from home for an appt that would deny needed medical benefits to me. 2) I was mad that I had to wait for this arrogant bozo 3) there were NOT enough chairs for all the peolple. They pull the dr out of the back office and off his cell phone. He said well you can wait 15 mins. Ummm no, You don't understand. My lawyer told you guys I was not waiting. I said something when I came in. I am leaving. Well ask the person in front of you (who was 30 minutes late) and see if she will let you go ahead. Um no to that too. This is your waiting room and I am not asking. So the dr goes out into the waiting room and says in front of everyone, can she go ahead of you. Since this girl just got there, she said yes. he brings me back and was being as nice as could be. So last time you were here Aug 2006, Oh yeah, that was the appt where you told me I needed no further treatment. Ok then I saw you again Dec 06. Ummm no I saw MY surgeon who did surgery. Well what did he find. That everything was torn. Well what did he do, partial menisucectomy, medial lateral release (umm that is very usual and used in worse case scenarios, didn't you mean a menisucectomy? Yeah I had that too. It was either cut through the tendons or replace a knee. He does a 2 minute exam. Then tells me as I am leaving that I should THANK HIS STAFF AND THE GIRL AHEAD OF ME? I thought WTF??? I thought maybe you should do better with your scheduling. I don't even wait that long for my OWN doctors, much less one that doesn't have MY interests at heart. Oh and he told me I should schedule an earlier time to avoid this next time. WTF again. He is lucky I didn't deck his arrogant ass. Ok so rant done with that.


Not so fast. I got a denial for everything except one final consultation with my ortho.... Then they get to bring me back AGAIN for another repeat of what happened above. You have to be fing kidding me. Funny how my ortho says it takes 18 months to recover from this.

I am going for THE bloodwork tomorrow. You know the one where I have to have the baseline before I get pregnant. I can't believe it is time already!!!!!! Oh the joys of the 24 hr urine.

I got my out of network authorization to see the pelvic pain specialist Oct 5th. Hope he has some answers and I like him. I have heard he is a good nice dr.

That's it for me!

Can't Sleep

It's almost 2am and I can not sleep. I took unisom and 10mg lortab which should have knocked me out and didn't. I saw the pa today for my knee. He examined it, gave me some exercises to work on to help the muscles around the kneecap to tighten up so it won't slip. He suspects the pain is being caused by my kneecap moving side to side. I also got my first cortisone shot too. How come they give numbing medicine but it doesn't work till you are done with the shot. OWWWWW. Not as bad as I thought it would be. Before we talked about the pain of it and he thoroughly explained it. He said you have been through much worse to be worried about this little shot. You have had two babies with complications and major knee surgery and you are worried about this. Nope, will be a piece of cake. It was. He told me it would feel great for a couple of hours because of the numbing med, but then it was going to hurt much worse for two days. He said it would be ok, and not to get worried and call him tomorrow and say G., what did you do to my need. Then he said by 7-10 days, I'll be golden. He said it should be ok for my business trip in 2 weeks.

Other news, my no fault insurer has demanded another IME with there nasty dr and the nasty dr office they do it in. I loathe this dr and if he was my personal doc I would sue his butt for malpractice. He caused intentional physical and emotional pain and distress by denying my medical care the last time they did this. I ended up going into debt over dr bills, had to get a loan to pay for it so we wouldn't go into collections because no one would pay for it (they were kind enough to send a letter to my health insurer that they were denying benefits for an accident related problem which led to my health insurer denying benefits saying no fault was responsible. It took months and an almost cancelled surgery to get it straightened out. Thank God I am a federal employee because they have to pay per federal contracts on health insurance. Then no fault paid anyway when the surgery was done. ASSHOLES).

My lawyer says I have to go so we can sue them for denial of medical benefits. But I don't want to. I see no point in me wasting my precious time, gas, and dignity for these jerks when I have no chance in hell of them helping me. They should have let my health insurance pay for it and let me take care of this in one day and sue their butts. The dr is an ass plain and simple. I will not let him disrespect me like he did the last time. I felt like trash when I saw him before. That will not happen again. I am going to have a very hard time keeping my mouth shut with him. Especially when he recognizes that he saw me at the Chiropractor IME exam and tried to examine me (I was still on crutches). My lawyer would not let him do it and told him to bug off. But my lawyer won't be there with me. To tell you the truth, he was a real ass to the dr the last time when he wouldn't leave me alone. I do plan on telling the IME dr whatever happened to do no harm to your patient??? Had he have done the RIGHT thing, the surgery would have been sooner and maybe less pain and damage. These people literally have a denial letter already prepared and dated and signed and simply drop it in the mail the day of your appt. I really have absolutely NO love for this man whatsoever and I hope there is a special place in hell for him. My lawyer says that drs that do this for insurance companies a) can't make it in private practice because of whatever reason (medical malpractice, personality problem, etc) or b) new. This guy fits in A. He is a small guy 5ft and had a God like personality, an ego a mile wide, is arrogant, and has a chip on his shoulder. I am not staying past 5pm either. The lawyer said no more than 1/2 an hour of waiting for this asshole. My lawyer says he is going to call me tomorrow to discuss it. He knows that I am very pissed off about this and that I am not happy. So he is trying to calm me down. No fault is very anxious to get this appt done so they can start denying claims. I really want to tell him when I see him, I'll see his butt in court and will take PLEASURE in seeing my lawyer rip him a new one with the improper exams that he has conducted on me and the damage that he personally caused because of his greed. At least there is a Starbucks across the street and at least I know that my insurance will cover it minus the copays which is better than what happened for months of no one getting paid the last time.

On other news for the ttc front, I have decided to stop the bcp and prometrium after my specialist visit on 10/5. I want to have at least one complete cycle in and know how it is working. I am going to ask my pcp to refill the lortab for it so that I won't be miserable and unable to do anything. I think with a good painkiller this time, I can get through it for one month.

So you are one of those are you????

I didn't expect to be back in my obgyn's office again until December, except again fate stepped in. As usual something needed to be checked out. I had a lap on 7/3 and have noticed since Day 2 a white unusually strong string. Was it a suture? Was it skin? So I of course tugged on it with tweezers. No dice. And it hurt. So then I tried cutting it, but was afraid of cutting myself. I tried pulling it and cutting it, it didn't. I hemmed and hawed about calling and everyone said CALL. So I broke down and did. Got the nurse that has been mean to me in the past. However she was extremely nice to me. Maybe I just need to pour on the honey more with her. She said dear you need to have Dr. E look at it. Uggggh.

So she got me in this afternoon. I worried about how he was going to get this suture out. The nurse came and got me and the promptly WEIGHED me. I was pretty unhappy about that. I thought they were just taking out a suture. Then the dreaded bp cuff came in with her! I really hate that cuff. Seeing I had just been running around my house like a crazy person looking for keys, I knew it would be a bit elevated. Hmmm, time for me to grab M from Dr. L's office to come and take my bp. She gets beautiful readings. She couldn't get a reading!!! She said you have the worst bp to hear. It is very faint. I said if you think it is faint now, you should been here when I was pregnant with S. But that's ok well have all kinds of fun with it in the fall when I get pregnant again. She looked at me and said "So you are one of those people are you?" I proudly said yes instead of being miserably ashamed of my bp. You see I didn't cause it to go up. I exercise. I am overweight but I had normal bp when I weighed 60lbs more. So weight is not the problem. I take my medicine every day. So YES, I am one of THOSE people. Fun we will have. She said oh really. I said yes. She said did you have problems when you were pregnant? Ummm yeah, you can say that, the nurses ran scared because of my bp. I wonder if they had anyone like me since, lol. I told her I had severe pe with the first and severe pih with the second. Oh. But we'll have fun! She mentioned that they had had several moms that had pe and pih that they just got delivered. She said they got them all delivered in the last week and said when all delivered safely that there was a collective WHEW from the staff. She eventually went out but said your bp is hard to hear it is so faint on the bottom number. I told her wait till I get pregnant, lol.

Then my ob came in and I could hear him reading my chart outside. Suture problem??? Hmmmm. He comes in and says my name. Asks how I am doing? I ask him how he is doing? He has me get up on the exam table and looks at my belly button incison. I say do you see it? He said yeah, it's a suture. I am going to pull on it and snip it out. Ummm, owww. So he goes and asks the nurse for some forceps and scissors (did you know that those are disposable??). I ask him do you have freezy spray cause this is going to hurt. He says no freezy spray like Dr. L. He grabs a hold of the suture and says does this hurt, ummm yeah. He pulls hard for a minute and snips. Oh and he tells me not to look at it. I closed my eyes when he did that. Why did he tell me not to look? He asked about the other incision, it's all good doc. He says ok. I'm sorry you had to come in (he actually felt bad that he didn't do a better job. Honestly the thought never crossed my mind. Stuff happens!). I wasn't mad, I was just worried about making a big deal about nothing. Plus I got to work from home to make up the hour I lost. So not so bad. I didn't lose anything by coming in. To tell the truth that suture was annoying the crap out of me. He did say he was taking it out so it wouldn't annoy me, so I think the nurse put that patient says suture is annoying the heck out of her. As for appts, come in as needed. So I hopefully won't be back in till I get a positive test, see ya in December doc (crossing fingers and legs!!!).

I asked about my out of network referral. My insurance has not had it submitted yet. He said he will double check with C. So I am going to start harassing her to get it. Oh and I get to do a baseline 24 hour urine next month plus bloodtests. I get to see Dr. L for her to switch my bp meds. JOY JOY. OH MY GOD, 3 months to go......

Oh my, our first cast!

As usual Miss S. was being a 2 year old. She was with me at the grocery store last night. There is a road that runs parallel to the store. Then there are rows that run perpendicular to that road where cars are parked. Well while crossing the parallel row, she decided to make a run for it. I had groceries in my left arm and I had her left hand in my right where two fingers were on the wrist. She made a run for it and wasn't able to. Then she promptly plopped down in the middle of the roadand would not move. Me trying to get her to stand up, she determined to stake her place with her arm and hand hyperflexed. I felt a pop when she yanked down to plop down and screaming. She had hurt her wrist. I tried to see if it would go away on its own. But within the hour we were on our way to the ER. She was inconsolable and the slightest touch even with motrin and tylenol made her scream. Amazing what a screaming toddler will do to the ER staff. I didn't have to go to registration. They simply took her name and went and looked up her info on the computer and brought the papers to me in triage for me to sign. We were taken right back with S. howling the whole time. The PA came in and the nurse and they were the best. They sent her back for xray. She looked so tiny on that gurney. When in the xray room, I was not allowed to go back with her. I could hear her screaming through the door. I almost started crying right there. Get back to the room and she had calmed down. The PA came in and said he was going to let her rest while he discharged a patient. Still she would not move her wrist. The radiologist said it looked like a greenstick fracture (think of a young tree that bends and doesn't break) or something with her ligaments (torn or stretched). So the PA came in and tried to do a reduction on her arm (because he also suspected nursemaid's elbow). It didn't work. Still howling with pain. So then they put a partial cast on it. They called the ortho on call. He wants to see her tomorrow or next available appt. The nurse and PA said he will take the current partial cast off, then xray it again, and then recast it with a waterproof cast.

S seems ok today for the most part. We are alternating tylenol and motrin. As long as she gets that she is playing well. She also is learning how to do everything one handed. She is adapting well. She does want the cast off which I tell her sorry baby, it has to stay on till you see the dr.

So tomorrow morning, I have to call the ortho's office first thing for an appt for her. I usually see another dr in the group, but I was assured by the nurse that this dr loves children and will do well. He is coincidentally Grandma's ortho too. Oh and did I mention S and Grandma have matching slings? Same arm too. Sil said too cute, we have to get a pic of them together. I understand what she said, but I am still upset that this happened to us.

The nurse and PA said that this is common. That they have done the same thing with their kids a thousand times. Just this time S. pulled down to hard. So hopefully the cast will come off quick.

A pic for you to see:
[IMG]http://i196.photobucket.com/albums/aa81/missgamecock/100_0800.jpg[/IMG]