I'm a freak....

Yes, I am a freak. I am the person that "normal" women say ohhhh to. So I went to my pcp yesterday to have my bp med changed from Ziac to the God awful Aldomet. Aldomet truly truly sucks. It makes you feel so tired and zombie like. Yeah what I am looking forward to, not. It was really kind of disappointing to see my pcp. I know she doesn't agree with me trying to get pregnant again, but you know, I know much more about pre-eclampsia than she does and we both know that. She has never even had a child. She did entertain it at one time, but for whatever reason, decided not to. She doesn't agree with my ob putting me on aldomet. She said you know, I said yeah it's a weak agent and is never used in a non pregnant woman. I said I know. She said the one time I ever entertained getting pregnant, I asked my obgyn if it was ok and she said it was. She said you just can't use ace inhibitors. I don't know why Dr. E doesn't want to use it??? She said it's not going to work. I told her Dr. E said we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I think he would be more willing to change it once I am past the first trimester and the organs are formed. She just shakes her head. So you are really doing this? Ummm, yes. I think she is hoping I get pregnant immediately so she can transfer me to Dr. E. She is making good on that promise that once I was pregnant, she wasn't touching me with a ten foot pole. It's really disappointing because I really like my pcp. However we totally differ on this issue.

In all reality, my chances of pe are lower this time around. I am more educated. I know what the signs and symptoms are. I plan on being a regular PIA to my obgyn. I will be asking about all blood tests and urine tests and will not be pacified with it's ok. I wanna know numbers. Ok, so I am a nerd. Let's see, 60% chance when I was pregnant with S versuses 25% chance this time. I think I'll take those odds. I just am extremely worried that if there is a bad outcome, I am going to have some idiot say see told you so. I feel fairly confident things will be ok. I am totally ready to take it easy and do things right. When my ob says I am on bedrest, I am done.

It still totally sucks that it wasn't oh congratulations, hope it works for you fast, and can't wait to see you back again pregnant. Instead it was doom and gloom. It just totally sucks having had pe before. Cause any time that you try after it people assume one of two things. One is everything is going to be bad. Or else why are you worried about this, it's nothing. You can't win either way.

In other news, S has severe croup. It sucked. I have never been really freaked out about the girls' breathing before because Kirsten has severe asthma. However, S sounded so bad on Thursday night. Gave her oral albuterol, didn't work. Gave her the super duper dose of 1.25mg xopenex by nebulizer. It helped but didn't work. She was still retracting (could see her ribs when she was breathing) and breathing too hard, too fast and too much wheezing for me. So I took her to the ER. The triage nurse was really concerned and brought us right back. The ER dr (not impressed with him at all) was like she's fine. WTF, even I could tell she wasn't ok. The ER dr is panicking about a 1 year old who is screaming his lungs out, saying get O2 on that baby. That baby was screaming. Screaming means breathing. Meanwhile my child is retracting, but she is ok. So he comes out of the 1 yr old's room and says sheepishly, mom says he holds his breath all the time when he is mad. I could have told that doc to just blow in his face and he would have been breathing or pinch his nose. So we had an xray because the right lung sounded different than the left. Xray normal. However, NOW he is concerned because she is retracting, breathing too hard and too fast and no the 94-95 O2 after her nebulizer was not any good anymore. Grrrr. The good thing was she got treatment to help her breathe easier. She ended up with a nebulizer of ephinephrine and a steroid shot. Afterwards, the nurse that was unconcerned when we were brought back says OMG she looks so much better. Her color is better and she is not breathing as hard. The 1 yr old had croup too. Apparently it is going around but not contagious. We were lucky because she was NOT admitted. Thank God. S would have been terrified. She wouldn't let me put her down or anything. Her cry was just a whimper when we were in there. I finally left at 3am only to have to get up for work at 430am. It sucked.

K is in to cheer dance. She absolutely loves this. I don't know how I ended up with the popular kid who likes to do cheerleading. I was the furthest thing from it when I was in school. She is pretty cute doing it. I am glad that I am able to give her that opportunity. She also is taking Violin lessons. Anyone want to donate ear plugs to me???

I go to see the specialist on Friday. WOW three months for a drs visit is a long time to wait. I hope he can offer something. I hope he doesn't tell me, sorry I can't help you. That would totally stink. I look at this Dr as a last hope. I hope he doesn't want to do another lap. That would be awful too, but having one done by a specialist can actually possibly take care of the problem. Just hope it doesn't interfere with my ttc.

Oh and S is feeling much better. Still has a nasty cough. Still needs the neb. However, the heartwrenching breathing episodes are much better.

Nothing really new

Well today I broke through on the Loestrin and Prometrium. Hmm, I think it was due to stress, but it also came with that all familiar pain. So a lortab and motrin I took. I don't see how people and drs say it's addictive. The 10mg makes me want to puke! Thank God for reglan. I take the reglan with it and while I still feel a little nauseated, its not nearly as bad. I just don't get it how people become drug seekers on that stuff. I take it for pain. Helps pain and takes it away, but in the process makes me nauseated, tired, and can give me a bad headache (hey that's funny a painkiller that gives you a headache).

I am nervous about the appt with the specialist. I am really worried that he will want to do another lap. While he would be correct in doing his own lap (a specialist hunts for it everywhere as an obgyn goes in, takes a peek and closes up). I still don't like the thought. If he wants to do a lap, I want to do it ASAP so I can get preggo. Don't want nothing to hold up the schedule.

To help be in a better position, we are refinancing our house. Our loan is approved. Please pray that our house appraises out. It is so subjective but the mortgage guy says it should be ok. Our interest rate is a lot lower than it is now. If we get what we want from it, I am going to pay off almost all our credit cards. Wait 3 months and then refinance our cars for a shorter term and lower interest rate. THANK GOD we can basically start over. All this and our mortgage will only go up about $140 a month. YEAH!!! So pray that it goes through. I am anxious to have it go through now. This will definitely help us afford daycare for that third baby.

Other news, I did a baseline non pregnant 24 hr urine. I also did the uric acid, ast and alt too. I don't have the results but will ask my pcp when I see her on the 29th to change my bp med to one that is safe while pregnant. They should have copied her as well as my ob. I am thankful that I have such good drs. Hubby waited 40 minutes to turn my pee jug in on that Monday morning. He's a good hubby. He said next time he will get there when the lab opens. Yippee.

Off to bed. I am exhausted now. probably the meds.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

I was very saddened to find out when I arrived at work today that a coworker of mine had died. Joan was 43 and had stage IV inflammatory breast cancer. I am saddest for her little girls Gigi and Josie. They are without their mother today. I never realized what breast cancer can do to a woman until I met Joanie. See I had heard alot about Joanie, but had never met her before Dec 2006. I knew that there was a woman in need of leave because she had breast cancer. I knew that I had heard the gasps that she had breast cancer. I finally got to meet her at the District's christmas party last year. She sat between my boss and I. She was like yeah I am that girl. I was curious about what she had to say. She had young girls that she obviously loved and adored. Joanie was so funny and had the biggest smile. I never once heard her say why me. She was a fighter. By the time I had met Joanie, she had had breast cancer for well over a year and a half. Its effects were ravaging. Gone was the pretty young woman with the I got ya smile that is on her caring bridge site now (see http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/joanmorrissey ). Cancer had taken that away. When I met Joanie she had been ravaged by the cancer. Her arms and hands were so swollen and blistered from the treatments. She told me how cancer was and patiently answered all of my questions (much what I do with the PE mommies). She was so open. Yet she had such humor about her. Many people at the CDC and at work donated leave to her. Enough that when she got worse, she was able to take the summer off to spend with her family. Joanie went through hell before she died. But she always always had a smile on her even on her worse days. She was swollen, in writhing pain, cancer had distorted her body. But cancer never ever distorted her inner beauty inside. At that same Christmas party, Joanie said that she had a caring bridge site. I immediately signed up for it and got notifications by email. I followed her progress. I thought she had more time. Just a few weeks ago she was doing things. Then she was admitted to the hospital. She was released 2 weeks ago. All of a sudden she just declined. Joanie got to spend the summer visiting the family lake house. She was given enough leave to take off 4 months! She got to see her neice graduate from high school in Alaska. She lived more of a life in 43 years than many live in a lifetime.

Because of Joanie, as much as I HATE annual exams, I will never miss one again. When it is time for a mammogram, I will be first in line to get the boobs squished. I won't miss a pap smear either (as much as I DREAD those). When I get those things done, I will think of Joanie. So say a few prayers for her girls and husband tonight. They loved her sooooo much and are devestated by her passing. My girls would be devestated and at 10 and 6, it is a really young age to lose your mom. Last night the world lost a beautiful gentle kind soul. Even though cancer took her outer beauty away, it will never take her inner beauty. RIP Joanie, you will be sadly missed.

It's been almost a month?

Wow I have totally neglected the blog. I have been crazy crazy busy. End of fiscal year. It all ends 30 September though. Dh came come from his month long trip, I'm glad he is back. I get some sleep now! The steroid shot TOTALLY worked. It rocked. And if I have any more issues, I am so going back for more. It hurt like hell for two days. Then on the third day it was like the heavens opened up and the angels were singing!

Saw the nasty IME dr. They cleaned up the office some but it was packed. Silly people actually thought he was there to HELP them. Not. Anyway, did what my lawyer told me to do which was arrive 5 mins early and leave after 30 mins. My appt was at 415. Of course, no way in hell I would have my appt on time as that place was packed. I told the receptionist I was leaving at 4:45. She rolled her eyes and sent me away with papers. I watched the clock. At 4:45, I got up and told them I was leaving. I made a huge big stink. 1) I was mad to be brought and hour each way from home for an appt that would deny needed medical benefits to me. 2) I was mad that I had to wait for this arrogant bozo 3) there were NOT enough chairs for all the peolple. They pull the dr out of the back office and off his cell phone. He said well you can wait 15 mins. Ummm no, You don't understand. My lawyer told you guys I was not waiting. I said something when I came in. I am leaving. Well ask the person in front of you (who was 30 minutes late) and see if she will let you go ahead. Um no to that too. This is your waiting room and I am not asking. So the dr goes out into the waiting room and says in front of everyone, can she go ahead of you. Since this girl just got there, she said yes. he brings me back and was being as nice as could be. So last time you were here Aug 2006, Oh yeah, that was the appt where you told me I needed no further treatment. Ok then I saw you again Dec 06. Ummm no I saw MY surgeon who did surgery. Well what did he find. That everything was torn. Well what did he do, partial menisucectomy, medial lateral release (umm that is very usual and used in worse case scenarios, didn't you mean a menisucectomy? Yeah I had that too. It was either cut through the tendons or replace a knee. He does a 2 minute exam. Then tells me as I am leaving that I should THANK HIS STAFF AND THE GIRL AHEAD OF ME? I thought WTF??? I thought maybe you should do better with your scheduling. I don't even wait that long for my OWN doctors, much less one that doesn't have MY interests at heart. Oh and he told me I should schedule an earlier time to avoid this next time. WTF again. He is lucky I didn't deck his arrogant ass. Ok so rant done with that.


Not so fast. I got a denial for everything except one final consultation with my ortho.... Then they get to bring me back AGAIN for another repeat of what happened above. You have to be fing kidding me. Funny how my ortho says it takes 18 months to recover from this.

I am going for THE bloodwork tomorrow. You know the one where I have to have the baseline before I get pregnant. I can't believe it is time already!!!!!! Oh the joys of the 24 hr urine.

I got my out of network authorization to see the pelvic pain specialist Oct 5th. Hope he has some answers and I like him. I have heard he is a good nice dr.

That's it for me!